Run and Pray

I’m writing today because I feel like I’m slowly coming out of a fitness funk.  I was in a really bad space about my body and thought that I was really overweight again.  I had this moment where I believed I was fat. I haven’t had those thoughts in a long time.  I weighed in after Thanksgiving and I gained 3.6 pounds.  Since joining weight watchers 3 years ago, I haven’t gained that much weight.  However, I will say that when I was in Weight Watchers before the three years, I would just stop going when I got into this head space.  It’s been so hard for me to track and exercise.  Tracking is incredibly important to my self care.  I have to measure, weigh, and track because I can really fool myself into thinking I eat healthy and well proportioned.  

One reason I think I’m having a hard time is because I really want to enjoy this holiday season.  I miss my family and the way I reminisce is by making things my dad made for us.  My dad was the baker of the family.  I just want to enjoy the goodies of this holiday season and I don’t want to feel guilty about it.  Sure, some of you are thinking, “Well don’t feel guilty, just enjoy yourself, it’s Christmas.”  I wish it were that easy for me but it isn’t.  Eating a lot of sugar or eating abundantly isn’t good for me.  So I feel a loss.  I feel a bit left out.  

So on to my reflection and why today feels like I’m pushing through this funk.  Today I was able to go on my run and this run was incredible.  I read in my Self Magazine some advice given by an Iron Woman about her workouts.  She said she dedicates every mile to someone and then she calls them or emails to thank them for helping her get through the mile.  Well, this morning I took it a step further and I decided to pray for people during my run.  The first mile I prayed for one specific friend and I ran and envisioned total peace, joy and love.  I then would just say (in my mind) words that I wanted for this person like peace, love, abundance, happiness, gentleness and so on.  Well, the next mile came and I prayed for two more people who I decided to dedicate that mile to.  Finally by the third mile I was in a trance of prayer each lap for different people.  It was incredible.  

I’m so so glad I ran today and so far my eating is better.  I have so much gratitude for life and I know the root comes from the beautiful prayer time I had this morning.  Thank you Lord.  Tomorrow I will start tracking again and do some fitness.  If I find myself struggling I will dedicate a prayer to whoever comes to mind.  Thank you Lord for kissing my face with the sun today.  I felt your peace.

Slumpin but still Truckin

Well it’s been a long long time since I’ve written and I’ve missed you guys.  I guess the first thing I would like to update everyone on is my first half marathon that took place in October. It was amazing.  I felt so great and I was extremely proud of myself.  I started off really slow because I was afraid I would run out of steam.  At mile 10 I felt great, and was totally shocked at myself. I didn’t start to feel pain until mile 12 and I think it’s because I knew it was almost over.  For several hours after my race I was extremely uncomfortable. I didn’t research about how to recover post race and I took a hot bath.  Well, come to find out you’re supposed to take a cold bath.  The good news is the next day I had absolutely no pain at all.

Now fast forward to a month after my half marathon and I am running very little.  I’ve been in a slump. I’ve been walking a lot to compensate for not running but I miss those endorphins.  Today I’m going on a short run because it’s a gorgeous day and I just have to get out there.

The other slump I’ve been in is my eating.  Oy ve.  I’ve been in Weight Watchers for three years so patterns are really obvious to me, so I’m not freaking out.  Around this time of the year I start to feel a little lonely and reminiscent of the holidays that were spent with my family as a kid.  So how do I comfort myself? With bread, cookies, brownies, frito pies, cheese, and oh dear I need to stop because now I’m getting hungry.  It’s okay but I need to work on my no muscle.  Saying “No” to yourself is a muscle. I appreciate people giving me permission to say “Yes” to myself but the truth is, when it comes to my trigger foods which usually contains a lot of sugar, I have to say no more than yes. I really want to be present with my family and when I’m not taking care of myself, I’m tired and moody and just not happy with myself.  It has nothing to do with the scale because my body is the same.  I also notice that when I’m eating healthy and taking care of myself, my hubby and son follow suit.   

So Today here is a list of my No’s and Yes’s:

No to snacking except for fruit or veggies.
No to chocolate chips.
No to diet coke.

Yes to running 2 miles.
Yes to drinking more water.
Yes to tracking what I eat.
Yes to experimenting with a new grain.
Yes to accepting my feelings no matter how uncomfortable they are.

Thank you God for giving me choices.  Thank you God for friends.  Thank you God for family.  Thank you God for my body. Thank you God for music. Thank you God for always being there.