Day 269

Pooped de Pooped! Na na na na Pooped de Pooped! I’m singing this but i’m so tired I can’t remember the television show I stole the melody from. It’s going to drive me crazy but Ellison will know when I sing it to him when he gets home. Some good things happened today. I went to my favorite gourmet food store Zabars and got some of my favorite coffee. I started to get really grumpy because they have incredible, I mean incredible bread and baked goods and I wanted so much to buy chocolate babka, rosemary bread, rugelach, croissants, bagels...everything!! Okay the good thing that happened is I left with just the coffee. I’ve also adjusted my workout schedule to make my life easier and my conscious less guilty. Instead of trying to work out five times a week, I’m only going to commit to three times a week. The other days I can walk or play or ride my bike leisurely. I am focusing on my eating and career. Tomorrow I will track what I eat and go to body conditioning.

Day 268

I went to body conditioning and I am so proud of myself. Tonight I really, REALLY didn’t want to go. My little boo bear was saying “please mommy don’t go to the play gym.” So I lied to him and told him I was just taking the trash down and his little face says “you’re just going to do laundry, you’re coming right back?” I mean I just wanted so badly to stay or take him for a walk but I forced myself to go. I was even on the platform of the subway and I was seconds from walking back home. I kept telling myself “Theresa, you’re a better mother when you take care of yourself.” It was tough. Class was really just so damn hard too that I was struggling. I got through it and when I got home Adjei was peacefully sleeping.

My eating is getting a little better. I made the WW three bean chili and it came out really good. I also bought some healthy staples that will get me through the week. Now I need to stick to my commitment to tracking. I always have intentions of tracking but then I get so busy and I forget; I need to keep a notebook or take a picture of what I eat so I can track later. Tomorrow I will plan my meals and track what I eat. I will also enjoy my time with my family and live in a happy place. Thank you lord for the grace you’ve given me. I feel so positive and happy lately and I just want to share it with the world. One more thing. Did you all catch Terra Nova?! Love it. Oh one more thing...I’m on a Queen kick tonight; they seriously light my fire.

Day 267

So you guys I can’t believe how hard I’ve worked today. I have shifted from exercise and eating being my focus, to focusing more on relationships and my career. I can be very tunnel vision so I’m okay with that. Today I tweaked my resume because I’m hoping to find a very flexible job. I feel really positive that something fantastic will come my way. I also worked on a school project for Adjei’s play school. I was so blessed to hook up with some amazing moms and we started our own pre-school for our kids two days a week and tomorrow is my lesson. I’m doing an exercise on feelings and of course I want to do some dramatic play. One more thing. I prayed so much this weekend because instead of going to the gym I walked a LOT. It was so nice. Tomorrow is going to be very busy but I will handle it all with grace. I will also track what I eat and bust a tail feather at body conditioning.

Day 266

Today was a really amazing day and confirmation that all the choices I’ve made this year and my entire life, good and bad, have lead to a lot of happiness. I went to WW today and I stayed the same weight, which was a great accomplishment because we all know I’ve been eating my feelings. My leader, who by the way is hosting with Dr. Oz on Monday, was on fire today. This woman (Liz) is just a really incredible woman. She shared something personal with us today. She told us that when one of her best friends died of Leukemia she decided she wasn’t going to live another day doing things she didn’t like. So she left her job and became a WW leader and now a prominant figure with the WW brand.

After WW I usually go to my Zumba class but there was a sub, who I really don’t like, so I decided to walk home to Brooklyn and call as many people as I love. I spoke to my mom, two brothers, my cousin Karen and my cousin Kate. I have an incredible story about how powerful our words are. I actually have many but I will share one that blew my mind today. My cousin Kate is also an actress and she moved to Brooklyn two years ago. Last year we spent Thanksgiving together and she told me “Theresa I’m going to be on Boardwalk Empire.” She hadn’t been cast but she said she was going to get on that show and I believed her. Well fast forward to today and she and I are catching up and I’m apologizing for missing her show last weekend and she tells me not to worry because there will be much more (I love her assurance). So then I tell her (to confirm my belief in what she told me a year ago) that I will probably be seeing her on Boardwalk anyway. Then she starts talking about the show and I will probably see a lot more of her blah blah blah; I don’t understand fully what she’s talking about and then it occurs to me that she is ON BOARDWALK. So I ask her “Kate did you get on Boardwalk Empire?” And she says “Oh my god, I didn’t tell you?!” My cousin is going to be on Boardwalk Empire and I couldn’t be more proud of her. So the moral of this story is our words are really powerful and what we say we are going to do can happen. It may not be tomorrow, or next year, but it can happen. So I beg you to think and speak positive because life is so awesome.

Day 265

Today was great day. There is a lot of uncertainty with the economy and I’m certainly feeling it in my household but I’m not going to let it deter me from my goals. I’ve been enjoying my family more than ever and I feel extremely optimistic for the future. I tracked half of my day but I will do even better tomorrow. I didn’t go for my run but I will go to Zumba tomorrow. Tomorrow is also my weight watchers meeting and I’m really looking forward to it; the meetings always motivates me. Can you believe there are only 100 days left of 2011?! What a fantastic year!

Day 264

Today was a great day. It’s my boo bear’s birthday and I'm just filled with so much gratitude. Although, there are some challenges going on in my life, I’m forcing myself to stay positive. I’ve been humbled lately with my finances but I feel excited to simplify my life. My eating is awful. It’s really bad but I know how to make it better and I’m the only one who can control what I put in my mouth. I need to get back on track because I’m in the state where I don’t care and I get comfort from eating whatever I want without remorse. This is not a good place for me to be because it will hurt me in the long run. I’ve also only exercised once this week and again I took comfort in choosing not to work out. I can’t give up on my goals. I have to stay focused and just work harder. Tomorrow I will go for a 30 minute walk/run and I will track what I eat.

Day 263

So it’s hard to believe that three years ago tonight I was in labor with my precious little boy. At this time three years ago I was sitting on my birthing ball in my house enduring some serious pain. Ellison was rubbing my back and I was trying to watch a movie but I could barely concentrate. By this time I had been having early labor pains since 6 o’clock in the morning. I believe I called my doctor at around 10:00 p.m. because I was having contractions every six minutes, lasting almost a full minute, for a full hour. He asked me if I felt I needed to come into the hospital and I told him I could probably go another few hours at home. At about 1:00 a.m. the pain was really intense so I asked Ellison to take me to the hospital. We rented a car for two weeks, so luckily we had a car. I remember driving through the Midtown tunnel thinking how I just needed to make it to the hospital so I could get drugs. When we got to the hospital we had to park in a parking garage and I could barely walk. Then we go through the emergency entrance and there is another woman in labor and she’s screaming. They run and get her a wheelchair but I’m still walking. It was weird but as soon as I walked into the hospital I didn’t feel any pain anymore. So we go to the maternity ward and there is just me and the other girl. I check in and the girl looks at me like “oh first time mom, she’s probably going to be sent home.” During this time this other girl is screaming and totally freaking me out. So even though I was first they took her in. Again, I’m still not feeling any pain. I finally get called to be checked and I’m swearing to the doctor on duty that I was feeling contractions every 5-6 minutes, for a full hour, for one full minute! She checks me and I see her counting to the sky...1, 2, 3, 4. “You’re four centimeters, we’re checking you in.” I was soooo happy!!! One of my biggest fears was that I would be too afraid to deliver a baby and that I just wouldn’t be able to do it. Well I have never been happier in my life. I didn’t even care that this woman was practically fisting me. A nurse came in and asked me if I wanted an epidural and I was very chipper and said “no, I’m actually fine!” Wrong! Literally after I said no, the pain just came right the hell back. Then all the nurses are nowhere to be found and the anesthesiologist is “coming” but never comes. Well seven centimeters later and a lot of screaming, “You’re trying to make me have this baby NATURAL!” I got my epidural. Fast forward to 12:59 p.m., September 22nd 2008 my little soul mate was born. My beautiful, feisty, confident, fast, smart, stubborn little boy was born. Thank you Jesus! He is the reason I breath and I am so blessed that I get to be his mommy.

I will work really hard to stay positive and I will work really hard to take care of myself because I know the best gift I can give him is a happy mommy. I love you Adjei!

Day 260

Hi Guys, I wasn’t going to blog tonight because I am not feeling good about my choices over the weekend. There have been some changes in my household and it has me scared but also motivated all at the same time. I don’t want to go into detail about that but change and uncertainty gives me anxiety. I really need to put all my energy in what makes me feel great. The first thing is: eat healthy power foods such as lean protein, fruit, whole grains, and lots of vegetables. The second thing I need to do is: cut out sugar and alcohol so there are no spikes in my mood. The third thing I need to do is exercise with a vengeance. The fourth thing I need to do is: keep moving with action towards my career goals. Finally, I need to give it ALL to God and have faith. I leave you with a scripture from the bible. It’s from Matthew 17:20 (New International Version 1984) He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Amazing.

Day 257

I almost didn’t track the whole day today because I was afraid of the number. I knew it was going to be bad and now I’m disgusted with myself because I ate 61 points. However, on the positive side, at least I tracked it all. I’m still within my points for the week so I anticipate a loss this week. All positive right? Tomorrow I’m going for a run and I’m going to try to run over the Williamsburg Bridge and back. I believe it’s 6 miles. I will probably walk a good part of it but it would be a huge accomplishment if I at least go. I’ve been doing some running on the treadmill and I find it so much easier. I’m not very good at pacing myself outside so I tire out easily; I need to work on that. Ten pounds before Thanksgiving!! I will lose 10 pounds before Thanksgiving!

Day 256

This morning I woke up extremely tired and moody. I tried to fake it but sometimes that only makes it worse because I come across condescending. I had my breakfast which wasn’t great. I had two toasts, one with butter, and the other with peanut butter. I also served my son pasta and took a few bites for myself. Really not a great start health wise. Adjei was also grumpy and I noticed that his behavior was a mirror image of mine. Whenever Adjei acts out or is angry, I always tell him to reset and lets start over. I told him I had reset buttons installed in my earlobes and whenever I want to change my attitude to a positive one, I press the buttons. I told him that he has the same buttons as mommy. So we both reset our buttons. Adjei got so excited and kept telling me to press his buttons.

I looked at this for myself and I realized that I needed to address right away what would contribute to bad choices and a bad attitude. So right now I’m choosing to reset my buttons and change the direction of my day. I made an important business call so it wouldn’t haunt me all day; and I also drank a big glass of water and took my vitamin. I am choosing a positive day today. Whatever comes my way that may deter me, I will remember this commitment to being positive. Tonight is body conditioning and I will also track what I eat beginning with the toast and pasta bites.

Day 255

So I realized that I have two months to lose at least 10 pounds. I know that once Thanksgiving is here I’m not going to be too focused on losing weight. I’ll probably be fine with just staying the same because who wants to behave around the holidays? I had a great workout last night. This girl who was a smilier weight as me was wearing a heart monitor and she told me she burned 420 calories. I expected the class to be more because it’s so hard but I’ll take it. I’ve been doing good with tracking but not perfect. I need to focus on tracking better at night; that’s usually when my eating goes down hill too. Tomorrow I will go to body conditioning and I will also continue to track.

Day 254

I woke up today feeling really positive. Yesterday was a good day with my food choices and I also went for a bike ride with Adjei and Ellison. Ellison and I even got a little silly on the playground. I try so hard to be a better person for my son, specifically with my diet; I just don’t want him to struggle with weight like I have my entire life. The truth is, it’s the small things we do with our kids like playing outside with them or reaching for an apple instead of chips, that make the most impact. I’ve said this before but little changes, change the world. When we do just a little bit better with ourselves, it impacts the entire world.

I started my morning with blueberries, yogurt, bran cereal, and coffee. I am about to track what I had for dinner last night and I will continue to track today. Going forward I will always emphasize the positive. Negative self talk just isn’t helpful and why should I treat myself worse than I would a stranger. I am a child of God and everything God creates is beautiful, therefore, I AM BEAUTIFUL!

Day 252

Who’s your Mama?! I am a BEAST!! Today I nearly fought myself because I’m such a bad ass. So this morning I got up early and rode my bike from Williamsburg Brooklyn to Midtown Manhattan for my WW meeting. I gained 1.4 but I didn’t care because I couldn’t believe I just rode my bike through the city of NY. THEN I rode my bike to Union Square to go to my Zumba class. We had a sub and she wasn’t very good so I left early and ran two miles on the treadmill between a 5.8 and 7.0. I really could’ve gone longer but when I have it in my head that I’m only running two miles, I stop at two miles. Finally, I rode my bike back to Brooklyn. I feel TEEERRIFIC! We are capable of so much when we push ourselves to do a little more than we think we can. So right now I’m totally rapping hard to “Look at me now,” nothing like letting the WestGate come out every now and then.

Tomorrow I won’t do much exercise except for walking and playing with Adjei. I also plan on grilling extra chicken and vegetables so it’s easier to stay on plan. I may even make some beans. Second wind is here!!


Day 251

Today was a good day. My eating wasn’t horrible and I was really active. I woke up too late to go running but tomorrow I will certainly go for my run. I am also going to ride my bike to my WW meeting since I’m a little nervous about the threats to NYC. I’m watching the Dateline special on 9/11 and it brings back that day so clearly. I think everyone in this country can say what they were doing on that day. I remember feeling so confused and thinking how ridiculous it was that someone would accidentally fly a plane into the World Trade Center. At the time everyone thought it was a small private plane. Then when the second plane hit, we all knew that it wasn’t an accident. The company I worked for had a big screen TV upstairs so we were all watching the news coverage. I remember watching when the first tower collapsed and the entire lobby just started screaming and crying. It was complete chaos and everyone was confused and sad. I remember feeling so alone because I didn’t have anyone to walk home with; all public transportation was suspended. The city was in a daze. I will never ever forget that day. May God bless every person who dedicates their life to service, I am so humbled and grateful. To all the police officers, fire fighters, military, nurses and doctors...Thank you!

Day 250

So I’ve been in this self pity funk for the past few months but today I’m saying adios you old bitty. The truth of the matter is, when anyone in my family is in pain, I can feel it. I don’t even have to hear about it but it trickles to me and my brothers. I’ve also had a lot of fear about finances and the future. Once I get emotional, I let fear take over then every little task in life becomes overwhelming. It’s sounds crazy but I get that anxious sometimes. Today I was giving some of my amazing advice and as I was saying it, I realized that what I was saying, I needed to hear for myself. I need to deal with the emotional issue that is creeping up but then I need to keep it moving with faith and action. I also need to keep flipping the negative thoughts to positive ones. So the conclusion is, I’m ready to kick some ass again. I’ve had a phenomenal year and it can only get better. Forget regret.

Tomorrow this little vixen is running! I am running and I will run with joy and I will even do a twirl because I’m alive baby! I will also do a little online grocery shopping because it makes my life easier.

Day 249

Today was a good day because I made it only about Adjei and taking care of my home. It was actually really nice. I skipped the gym but it was worth it because I did some grocery shopping. My eating was okay but I didn’t track. I need to get focused and keep trying. I’m thinking about running a half marathon in March but I haven’t made up my mind. When I run a 5k, I’m dead at the end and that’s only 3.2 miles. When I started running I couldn’t even run a full mile without stopping, so I know I can do it if I put my mind to it. Tomorrow I am going to run two miles if it’s not pouring outside. I’m also going to start cutting out some of my trigger foods because I’ve been eating horribly and I need to make my fridge safe. No more junk and especially no more snacks like chips and cookies. I need a detox for real from all the sugar I’ve been putting into my body. Faith and Action.

Day 248

I hope you all haven’t given up on me because sometimes I feel like giving up on me and moving somewhere isolated so I can hide from responsibility. Of course I would take my family but lately I feel so overwhelmed. I need to know how to not worry. I hate to worry. There is so much going on and I can’t really control any of it but I can’t shake it. Today was a major failure, yes failure with eating. I just ate like complete crap today and this is after an amazing weekend with my Papa. I did really well with the 5k run on Sunday; my time was 31 min 47 seconds. So since I feel like I’m running in quicksand I will talk about what inspired me this week:
1. My cousin has lost 120 pounds! What an amazing achievement.
2. My dear friend is close to renting out her place and following her dream to move to NY.
3. My mom can make me laugh and smile even though she’s battling her own pain.
4. My Auntie Robyn just completed an Iron Woman and kicked ass.
5. My Papa is doing his second Triathlon this weekend.

I am love and I am good enough as I am because I am a child of God. Tomorrow I will start again and I will track and go to body conditioning. I will also not put so much weight on small things.

Day 243

I almost went to bed without blogging and tracking the dinner I ate. I didn’t do too badly considering I had dessert and tacos. I made great choices for both. I didn’t fry my corn tortillas and I opted for a small lobster tail from the local Italian bakery. My total consumption of points was 42. I feel good because I’m tracking so it makes me feel empowered to do even better tomorrow. Eating is a lot like spending; if you choose to not pay attention, shit gets out of control really fast.

Tomorrow my Papa is treating me to some custom running shoes. I can’t wait! I’m going to run on a treadmill so they can evaluate how I distribute my weight when I run. I love my Papa.