Day 303

Good Lawd I’m tired. I’m a happy tired though. I’ve been so busy with my binky bear that I’m totally spent. Have I mentioned that I absolutely LOVE being a mom? My life has been so full lately that I just haven’t had time for losing weight. I know that sounds absolutely crazy but losing weight is a job. It takes planning, preparation and work! So I really need to shift some time back to me and my personal time. Tonight I could’ve gone to the gym but I felt guilty because I didn’t have dinner prepared and I also had three loads of clean laundry unfolded on my bed. So I stayed home and cooked dinner and Ellison and I folded all the laundry. I really should’ve gone to the gym but I hate leaving when my home is out of order. I feel like I’m not taking care of my job in the household. We all know that’s just another excuse that won the battle of me not wanting to exercise.

So this is what needs to happen. I need to get off this computer and go to bed. Then I need to set my alarm for 6:00 a.m., stretch, shower, and go for my run. I’ve cancelled a play date Adjei had for tomorrow because he and I are going to have a very low key day. We both need some down time. It’s going to be puzzles, cartoons, and the park. We will also play with our new black, glittery play-doh that our friends made for us. Thank you Jennie! :) This will give me some time to clean my mind, diet, and home. I feel better already.

Day 302

So I’ve been wanting to write for a few days now and by the time I have time or decide to make time, I’m so tired I just give myself permission not to do it. The truth is I haven’t really made writing a priority. I know it’s because I don’t feel inspired or enthusiastic about my goals and that’s why I haven’t been writing. I need to keep doing even if it’s only itty bitty because abandoning my goals are just not an option. I don’t have to be perfect but I have to do and when I don’t do 100% that’s okay because it’s better than doing nothing. You hear that Theresa, doing nothing changes nothing. By the way, I love you and I love your lips. Am I hitting on myself? I do, sometimes I really like my mouth especially with my new red lipstick. I have to take a picture. Hot!

I went to my WW meeting yesterday and I lost 1.6 pounds. I really want to be 160 by the end of the year. So that means I have 13 pounds to lose. I also have to start running because I signed up for a 5 mile race and there’s no way I can wing that. I don’t want to walk the last two miles, plus I’ve never gone running in this cold. Ay lord help me. Well that’s all I got tonight. Tomorrow I will go to body conditioning because it’s the last week I have my gym membership. I will also track what I eat and stay within a decent point range.

Day 297

Today I signed up for a running club in my neighborhood and I also signed up for a 5 mile race. I need some motivation and I also need something new because I’m bored with the gym. Food is still a problem but at least I do good for the first half of the day. I will keep trying and hopefully now that B-Face is here, I will slowly get back to normal. Cravings are a motha and PMS cravings are the worse! Tomorrow I will track what I eat and I race my boo bear for exercise.

Day 296

I was just about to write my blog and I was going to say that I didn’t track but I probably didn’t do so bad. However, I decided that was BS and that I needed to track everything before I blogged so I could be sure and guess what? I ate a lot of points. I totally fooled myself into thinking everything I ate was not that bad. I even snacked on Smart Booty which is a “healthy” cheeto and 1 oz is 4 damn points. Then I drank a double hot chocolate thinking it was a better alternative than having a candy bar. The hot chocolate was 6 points! I’m so glad I tracked today because now I have a real start. I know where I am at so I can let it go and start new tomorrow. I also need to start up with exercising again. I didn’t go to body conditioning tonight because I didn’t want to go and my lack of motivation won. Everyday is new day to do better so tomorrow I will do better.

Day 294

The past three months have been incredibly difficult for me to lose weight. I haven’t been using the WW tools as well I could be, except for going to the meetings. Well, I was looking at my weight tracker and realized that over the past three months, I’m only up 3 pounds. It’s crazy how much more weight we carry in our mind than our bodies. So I felt really happy because had I not been mindful at all, I could have easily put on 10-20 pounds.

I feel incredibly inspired by some girlfriends to commit to running again. I am playing with the idea to do the half marathon in March. I am really petrified to do it because I’ve never run more than 4 miles. I’m not committing to it just yet but the door isn’t shut either. Tomorrow I commit to tracking, blogging, and jogging.

Day 291

So my baby boy is taking a nap and after inhaling a half a bottle of pine-sol from scrubbing my bathroom, I feel very clear minded. One of my favorite smells is pine-sol and beans. Too bad I don’t have a pressure cooker because I would probably be making beans. I remember growing up and coming home to a clean house that smelled like pine sol and cooking beans. The comal was on the stove and my Tootsie was making homemade tortillas. I can still see my kitchen on Sapphire. I was called the sapphire witch by my neighbors, they must have known something I didn’t. I still take pride in that name. Anyway, as I was scrubbing my tub I was thinking about how I’m always anticipating what’s going to happen next. How long is it going to take me to lose 20 pounds? Is my son going to excel in school? Am I going to be able to afford a bigger home? Will I have to work for the rest of my life? Am I living out my full potential? And it keeps going and going. I think a lot of us dwell on the future and once we get there, we dwell on how good things were in the past. Isn’t that funny? So as I was scrubbing my tub I was feeling so incredibly humble and grateful that it seriously brought me to tears. It could’ve been that I was high on the fumes from the chemicals but I felt so blessed. I think everyone should seek the grace of appreciating every single moment. How lucky are we that we still have life? You know, the news and politics have most of us feeling so uncertain, angry, and insecure but do you notice that when tragedy hits, we’re all united? Why does it have to be like that? I mean I could go into my conspiracy theory’s but that would just make me sound crazy and angry and I’m kind of feeling the love right now.

So with all that said, I haven’t been tracking this week and I feel a little off track with my eating. I know it’s because the weather is getting cold and I want to cozy up with pie but I really need to keep focused on what makes me feel happy and it’s not peach pie. Well peach pie does make me happy but not everyday. I’m going to try to track what I’ve had to eat today and continue to track tomorrow. I won’t be going to the gym today because I have a condo meeting. Tomorrow I’m going to try to do something different and physical with my boo bear.

Day 289

Sorry I haven’t spoken to you all in awhile. I’ve been really busy and by the time I have some time at night to write, I’m just too tired. Everything is going good. I had a very indulgent weekend but every calorie was worth eating. Sunday I managed to pull it together and I started my day very healthy. I had my energy boosting breakfast of champions: fat free greek yogurt, blueberries, and organic sugar free bran cereal. Ellison, Adjei, and I went to the flea market in Williamsburg and we had a blast. I resisted the freshly made donuts and instead had a health shake. The shake was called a skin cleanse and it was really good. It had aloe,spinach,cucumber,carrots, and an apple. There was no added juice or sugar and I really enjoyed it.

I’ve had a good eating day today and I also went to body conditioning and worked my tail off. I was also so productive with my business and my mom stuff that I just feel like super woman. So I’m feeling good and grateful and I’m hoping to carry this momentum to the rest of the week.

Day 285

I am such an emotional eater, it’s ridiculous. I did not sleep very well last night and I am so tired today. I had a good day with Adjei but I feel so short tempered right now I just want the weekend to come. I’m so grateful for my Saturday mornings because I get a good 4 hours to myself to do whatever I want. Today I ate 51 points but it was all accurately tracked. I still have some weekly points and all my activity points so I know I will have a loss. Tomorrow I will go for a run and I’m going to try to do three miles. I also want to end my WW week on a good note. I don’t want to eat like a pig and retain water right before my weigh in. I will end my week like I started. I will plan my meals and do my best to not go over 29 points.

Day 284

Another good day! I tracked all my points and I still have 26 weekly points and 20 activity points left for the week. Tracking can be such a pain sometimes but I am always successful when I track because I have eating amnesia. I really need to keep this up because I feel so good. I went to body conditioning tonight and it was a great workout. It wasn’t as intense as Monday but I still broke a pretty nasty sweat. Tomorrow I will take a break from cardio but I will do some ab work.

Day 283

Today was a great but exhausting day. I’m so extremely tired. I did good with my eating today. I had more points than yesterday but I tracked and measured everything. I didn’t wake up early enough to go on my run but I did a lot of walking. I made a semi homemade pizza tonight and I put all the ingredients into WW recipe builder online. I usually estimate the points of pizza, so it was nice to know how much each slice was. Tomorrow I will track what I eat and I will also go to body conditioning.

Day 282

Well I’m not going to get too cocky but I think I’ve got my mojo back with diet and exercise. Tonight I only ate 28 points and since I’ve had a lot of fruit today, I don’t feel like I have to eat my last point. I went to body conditioning tonight and it was so intense I almost threw up. It was really really tough. I was proud of myself for going because I almost talked myself out of it at least three times. I am really grateful to be doing so well. Now I just need to stay away from my trigger foods which is mostly sugar. At least for now until I’m strong enough to portion it. This was what I had today:

2 Trader Joe’s Chicken Sausage (3 points per link)
Mission whole wheat soft taco tortilla (3 Points)
Grilled Peppers and onions with 2 tsp of olive oil (2 points)
Reduced fat sour cream 2 tbsp (1 point)
Fat free plain greek yogurt 1 cup (3 points)
Frozen unsweetened blueberries 1 cup (0)
Organic bran cereal sugar free 1/2 cup (2 points)
1 Egg (2 points)
2 egg whites (1 point)
fat free cheese slice (1)
english muffin (3)
1/2 tbsp butter (1)
1/2 tbsp peanut butter (3)
2 bananas (0)
2 apples (0)

Tomorrow I will either walk or run, it depends on my mood. I will continue to track what I eat and make healthy choices.

Day 281

Well I had another good eating day but I’m starving. It’s starting to feel like the very first week I was ever on weight watchers. I had 33 points today. The week is certainly off to a great start. Now I just need to continue the momentum even if the week gets really busy. Tomorrow I will continue to track and I will also go for a run or body conditioning.

Day 280

Today was an incredible day. Everything was balanced and easy and amazing. I woke up this morning and decided to skip my WW meeting because it would mean we would get a late start to our day. We got a zip car so we could take Adjei apple picking. I made everyone breakfast and packed lunch and snacks for all of us. I tracked all my points in the car before I ate anything. I made sure I planned my meals for the day so I could have at least 9 points left for dinner. Adjei absolutely hates driving so about 20 minutes away from the apple picking farm, we had to take a break because my baby was hysterical. We decided to get off at an exit that had an arrow to a Burger King. It said that it had a play area so we thought it would be good. So we get off at the exit and you would think the damn BK would be on a corner. No, this BK was deep into this quaint little town. As we are driving and getting farther away from the highway, Ellison and I are both getting so angry and frustrated because there is no BK. Finally, Ellison stops the car in this downtown little area with shops and we get out so Adjei can walk. We go to a frozen yogurt place and it’s just adorable. Ellison and Adjei have frozen yogurt, I choose to have my banana instead. The owner of the yogurt place tells me of this really amazing farm that’s close by, so we decide to change our plans and go there. The farm was amazing and we all had a blast. My point of this extra long paragraph is that sometimes the road we didn’t intend on ends up being more amazing than the one we planned. If we go with changes and detours with a positive attitude and child like curiosity, it can lead to really fantastic places.

So I made my dinner and it was only 8 points and I was completely satisfied. Now here is where the story gets good. It was about 45 minutes after I ate I thought to myself, “it’s been an incredible day, what’s missing?” I realized I didn’t really exercise. Okay, now I never exercise after I’ve had dinner. It’s like my best excuse on the planet to say, “oh I’ve already had dinner and it’s too late and I’ll get sick if I work out on a full stomach.” Not tonight! It was so easy and natural for me to put my running clothes on and just go. I went out and it was almost dark and I ran 2 1/2 miles without stopping. The song “chasing pavements” by Adele came on and this song took on a whole new meaning for me. It was like I was using this song to talk to my goals. I felt powerful. Then 50 cents’ “I get money” came on and my inner chola came out and I was on fire. So this is the first time in MONTHS that I did not go over my 29 points. Go ahead and say it, “I’m da bomb!”

Goals for tomorrow:
Track
Plan my meals
Clean House
Walk/Run

Day 279

I hate blogging when I don’t follow through. However, I know that the minute I give myself a break to stop trying, I become complacent with being uncomfortable. I will not give up. I must, I must, I must increase my persistence. Yes, I know bad joke but I love bad jokes. I know what will get me back on track but now I feel intimidated by working out. I feel like I am out of shape again, which is not true; it’s only been a few weeks since I’ve worked out but in my mind it feels so hard to start up again. I’m not lazy, I’m strong. Laziness is passive aggressive behavior from fear. Don’t stop, don’t give up. I have to start and I have to commit or nothing will change. Theresa, what can I say to you to get you started again. I know, you respond best to compliments and validation. Okay, here it goes:

You are down 55 pounds, you sexy little fire cracker! You are sincere and authentic and people who know you, love you. You are generous and loving and if I were not you, I would want to be your best friend, truly! You secretly make me laugh almost as much as tootsie. I love you because you are so incredibly awesome to be around and if I have to be with someone all day, everyday, I’m glad it’s you. Now, effin get back to YOU!

Love, yours truly.

Day 278

I just want to say I feel bloody fantastic. However, my eating is just effin terrible. I am having a difficult time staying within my points and I haven’t tracked today. So you know what that means right? I try again Tomorrow (best Oprah shout)! I am just so happy lately. I was touched, just like the rest of the world, about Steve Jobs passing. I had never seen the commencement speech he gave at a Stanford graduation; well I saw it on the news today and it was really moving. He said exactly what I was feeling at the beginning of this year. I was at a great company, with great people, nice salary, but I felt like I was not living my life. Leaving the security I had was another brave moment in my life that I will always look back on and feel incredibly proud. It has been financially challenging but I have never been happier. I am dependent on my faith and I will continue to follow my instincts. Thank you God! I am inspired by Steve Jobs and grateful for his contribution because my Mac is my little lady. I love writing on it and I love playing on it too. Tomorrow I will do better with my eating. I will only eat 31 points....JUST 31 POINTS Theresa! One more thing, I cancelled my gym membership because I need to cut some amenities from my finances. I will focus on committing to exercise even if it’s a walk, dvd, on demand, or a run.

Day 276

I really just want this cold to go away. It’s now moving to my chest so I’m developing a cough. I haven’t been able to workout and I feel chest heavy and not the kind I like. I feel like my shoulders are getting beefy. Tomorrow I’m going to hear someone speak on how to get into a good public NYC school. I need all the help I can get because I’m not sure I will be able to afford private school and I really want the best for my son. If I don’t advocate for the best education for my son, who will? Oh I tracked every bite today and it was a dreadful picture but at least I know. I will do better tomorrow and I hope to get some exercise in too.

Day 275

So I’m getting ready to take NyQuil so I can sleep. I did okay today with my eating; I tracked everything and I entered two recipes in the recipe builder. I made chocolate chip cookies and although I cut the butter and sugar in half, the damn things were still 3 points each. Beware of homemade cookies! They taste delicious but they are more fattening than chips ahoy. I don’t advocate chips ahoy because it’s all junk and processed but I cut half the sugar and butter from a regular recipe. Imagine people who make amazing cookies? There is probably no cutting and if there are nuts, you’re looking at a 6 point small cookie. At least I know the point value every time I eat one of these little devils. I didn’t go to body conditioning because I still feel pretty crappy. I really want to go for run tomorrow because I’m out of my weekly points so i have to earn activity points. Anyways.....(Buque style)TTFN!

Day 274

Well I’m ending the weekend with 16 weekly points and 4 activity points left. I am extremely proud of myself for tracking every bite. I feel like caca so it’s been easier to not over eat but hell, I’ll take it. I’m really hoping I feel good enough tomorrow night to go to body conditioning. This cold subsides and then it creeps up on me and knocks me out. It feels so good to track and have some control over my eating. I even made a lasagna tonight and I put every ingredient in my recipe builder and I portioned it out so I could track the points. Yes, I am going to lose 15 pounds before the end of the year.

Day 273

The first day of the last quarter of the year. Most companies are giving major pep talks to their employees to get everyone to end the year big. Well that’s what I want to do, well maybe not big, but small. I’ve had a rough few months with eating and I just really want to end the year like I started. Today I’ve done really good. I tracked everything I’ve had to eat and although it was 44 points, it’s all accounted for. I’m feeling pretty sick today so i didn’t exercise but that’s okay.

Today in our meeting we discussed why we all want to lose the weight. I want to share all the answers because I think we can all relate to this. I actually took a picture of her flip board:

Health, look better, no pity, enjoy being in my body, forward movement, kids, live longer, feel better, change family history, be happy, proactive in our society, not embarrass my kids, clothes fitting, shop at regular stores, no XXL, self esteem, confidence, be in control, to not have a weight issue, lose medications, and to inspire others.

I started to reflect on how important getting to my goal weight is to me. Over the last few months I’ve put on 7 pounds. I don’t want to gain anymore. In fact, I want to lose 15 pounds before the end of the year. I know I can do this. I have to remember why I let the tools that helped me be successful go, then I have to push myself to get over this hump and do the work. NO ONE CAN DO THE WORK FOR ME. I have to be the one to track what I eat, I am the one that chooses what goes into my mouth, and I have to be the one to motivate myself to exercise. Well today was a good start and I WILL continue this and I WILL be successful.