Day 31

I’m back to hating exercise. I don’t like it. If I hadn’t committed to going with my friend Alicia, I would have gone home. Exercising on Monday nights is just so hard. Especially after a cold busy day. I feel like I don’t want to try at anything for like a month. Does that sound crazy? I’m just tired. I’m tired of tracking. I’m tired of preparing my food. I’m tired of working. I’m really tired of exercising. I’m tired of everything. I wanted a pumpkin loaf today but I didn’t have one. I had a stupid banana instead. Boo! I just feel like I’m working all the time. I also hate people with flat stomachs. I don’t like skinny people today.

Wow this is an inspiring blog, isn’t it? Tomorrow I will track my damn food and I will clean my dirty house. Maybe it’s time for the gratitude list. Here it goes:

I am grateful for my baby boy who makes me smile and laugh everyday.
I am grateful for my patient husband who pulls me back to peace.
I am grateful for my friend Alicia who goes with me to body conditioning on Monday and Wednesday night.
I am grateful for a healthy body.
I am grateful for my mommy who makes me feel like I’m the best in the world.

Good Night!

Day 30

Vacation is over! I had a really relaxed weekend and I feel ready to hit the ground running once again. I only have a few of my weekly points left but everything I ate this weekend was well worth the splurge. I also skipped kick boxing today but I enjoyed shopping with Ellison and Adjei. So my guard was down with exercise and eating but now it is time to refocus. I grilled a ton of veggies tonight and I also made enough dinner for today and tomorrow. I was cleaning out my fridge today and I noticed that I was wasting food once again. This has to change. I spoke to Ellison and we are both going to commit to not wasting any food this week.

Tomorrow my goals are to go to a body conditioning class, track what I eat, and get my eyebrows waxed. This is just getting out of control. My lady may charge me double.

Quote of the Day

“I’m not funny. What I am is brave.”
-Lucille Ball

Day 29

Today was a very successful day. I ate a lot of high point foods but let me explain. First, I went to Zumba and it was very crowded. Last week when I went to Zumba it was crowded and I ended up in the back where I couldn’t see well, so I was able to modify moves and slow down when it got hard. Today there were spots in the back and in the very front. I went all the way to the front and center. I was literally the instructors’ right hand woman. For those of you who are not class people, this is a lot of pressure. You have to know the moves and you have to keep up with the instructor. Without further adieu, I did fantastic.

The second accomplishment is, I went to one of my favorite bakery/coffee shops in the neighborhood with my dear neighbor to discuss our business. I enjoyed great conversation, an espresso, and an 11-point scone.

The third accomplishment is, Ellison was ordering from the diner and I usually have a chicken souvlaki platter that is extremely yummy. It has chicken, Greek salad, pita, and French fries. At first I told Ellison I wasn’t going to order. I was just going to eat something at home. Then I realized I would probably resent that decision once the food arrived. So I ordered my souvlaki platter. When it arrived I portioned it out; I measured 3 oz of chicken, 2 oz or fries, half the pita, and all the salad.

The reason why I am so proud of myself is because I enjoyed a lot of food that I love and I didn’t throw out my WW principals, nor did I feel guilty while I was eating it. I felt very much in control. I’ve been playing it really safe for the past month by avoiding all foods that I tend to over eat. I’m starting to trust myself more.

One more thing. I am writing this blog in bed and my wonderful little son is sitting next to me reading one of his books. This kid is just so freakin awesome. We are listening to MJ and I feel so grateful.

Day 28

Guess who lost 3 pounds?! Yes, that’s right, yours truly! I am 3 pounds away from being out of the 200’s. I just can’t believe I made it through the week without throwing tracking and exercising out the window. This week was really tough.

I found out I was counting too many points for NY Pizza. I actually think that’s how I lost so much weight this week. I had to eat out all week and most of it was junk, so I think I over estimated my points. As much as I love the high numbers, it’s not a realistic way of living. My WW leader said today that whatever we’re doing now, we have to be able to do it for life or we won’t maintain the weight loss. I know that’s why I didn’t maintain my previous weight loss. I was too extreme. So I will try not over estimate my points. NY Pizza is 6 points, not 13.

I am so proud of writing every day. I haven’t had a created outlet for a long time and this feels great. Tomorrow I will mail out my Tootsie’s (Mom) birthday card. I will also go to Zumba and I will track everything I eat.

Good Night Everyone!

Day 27

My buns of steel are so soar. This weather is killing me. I know I’m doing too much but this is what it takes to change my life and I have to embrace that. Change takes work. So tonight I had every excuse not to go to the gym. There is snow up the wah zoo. The streets are still being plowed. I am extremely tired because I’ve had work events all week. However, I went to Zumba tonight and I suffered the whole time. It wasn’t fun for me at all. I didn’t even enjoy looking at myself in the mirror. I was actually embarrassed by myself but couldn’t work harder or even look sexier. Just effin miserable. I hope that I am this committed when the weather gets nice. Sometimes I do better in times of adversity.

You know with all the snow and slushy streets I still love this city. This city makes me feel alive. I get stressed and pissed and I fantasize about a big closet and a backyard somewhere in suburban country but I truly love the grit of the city. I love the honesty of the people. I love that if I want to sing to myself and shimmy to a song I’m listening to, no one gives me a second look.

Goals for tomorrow:
-Call my brother again to schedule our weekly call.
-Track what I eat. (WEIGH IN TIME)
-Get the Frida’s waxed.
-Buy myself my La Mer

Ohh sounds like a beauty day.

Quote of the day:

"People wish to be settled. It is only as far as they are unsettled that there is any hope for them."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Day 26

I went to a body conditioning class in this awful weather. It was tough because this week has been exhausting. I've also tracked all week which is just amazing. I’m still surprised at myself for continuing to follow through. So crazy how one day turns into 26.

I wish I had more to say but it has not been an easy week so far. Tomorrow I will go to kick boxing and I will also track what I eat. I will also schedule some time to talk with my brother Kenny. I miss my family and I feel like my relationships are being put on the back burner. I suppose I do this because of the unconditional love they give me. Sometimes I feel like such a little girl.

Good Night Everyone.

Day 25

I am struggling today because I feel like I am stretched very thin right now. I know it’s going to change soon, so I have to stay focused and positive and just do what I need to do. I went to a really cool seminar today about balancing life and work. The lecture was geared more towards setting goals. It was awesome because this woman, who was really successful and very inspiring, was lecturing on things that my follow through club and I are doing. She was saying that goals are not pass or fail, which I completely agree with. They are important because they help you make decisions that get you further than you want to be. I wish I had the energy to really go into this topic because it was exactly where I am in my life right now. I have known for a long time what I want my life to look like but I’ve put it off because of fear. However, I am now actually doing and not just thinking or talking about it. There is so much power in baby steps.

On an eating note. I had a shit-eating day because I couldn’t resist finger food junk. I blew almost all my weekly points in one day. However, I tracked it! I may have even over estimated. I am not, I repeat, I am not going to beat myself up about it. In fact, I am going to say horray Theresa for still being mindful. I am going to say Horray Theresa for trying everyday to be better.

Tomorrow I am going to body conditioning which is like the hardest class I take. I will also do some reading on my second business. I never mentioned this but I started a small business to supplement my income when I become a full time actress. I’ve been working on it for a year and now I have a lot of paperwork I need to fill out.

This is random but isn't our President just so damn awesome?!

Quote of the day

“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”
-Abraham Lincoln

Day 24

Lots of catered events today but I was a good girl. The food was pretty great too but I tracked and I also made smart decisions. I even grabbed for the bottled water instead of the diet coke.

So today our company hired Chicago City Limits to come and teach us improv as a team building exercise. Oh lord it was interesting. I was doing improv with a lot of very literal sales people, my CFO, and a few other very corporate minded people. I want to say that I had a blast because I’m not a biased acting snob. I mean, I suck at improv but one thing is, I don’t give a shit about making a fool out of myself. In fact, the crazier it gets, the more fun I have. Aye yai yai, this experience was not fun at all. My ideas were cut and everyone was practically writing lines for themselves. No one wanted to play. No bueno.

Tomorrow I am going to write everything I eat down. I may not have time to calculate the points until later in the evening but it well help me to stay honest. I will also wake up earlier so I'm not rushed.

Quote of the Day

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

-Mark Twain

Day 23

I think I’m getting my second wind. I went to kick boxing this morning and for the first time I was able to compete with the people around me without wanting to leave. I even did every move without modifying it. It felt great. I also met with a photographer today and I really like him a lot. He was very easy to be around and he had a lot of the same ideas I did. I feel really excited about acting again.

I had such a busy weekend and I am so pooped. I have a challenging food week ahead of me. I have company events Monday through Wednesday that require a lot of eating out. I also have a bowling event with my job and the only food they provide is junk. This isn’t food that is worth the splurge. It’s cheap pizza, hard nachos, and frozen wings. I will need to prepare that day and eat an early dinner so I’m not hungry.

I’m very sorry that the Bears lost. I didn’t even have the heart to call my Papa.:( Tomorrow I will make smart choices at every meal and I will track everything I eat. I will also wake up a half an hour earlier so I don’t have to rush.

Good Night Friends!

Day 22

I had a successful day today. I woke up tired because my little munchkin snuck into bed with Ellison and me and pretty much took over the entire bed. I did not want to go to Zumba at all. To make matters worse, half way to the subway I realized I forgot my metro card, so I had to run back home to get it. I was already dragging butt to get there so I was very crunched for time. The class was crowded but I did give 100%. I tracked my food today and I went over my points. When I got home I was so hungry that I snacked and ate way too much. I felt really disappointed in myself and I actually started writing about how horrible I felt. After writing it down, I felt better about it. If this is going to be for life I need to give myself a break and not feel so disappointed when I overeat. My eating is still better than it was three weeks ago.

I go through crazy emotions sometimes. There are days when I feel so motivated and so driven and confident; I know I can do anything. Then the negative thoughts sneak in: “Theresa, what if you don’t make it” or “What if you do make it and you can’t deliver” or “What if you give up?” These “what ifs” always creep up when I get closer to my goals.

I just want everyone to know that I doubt almost everything I do but I still push myself to do it. If you’re reading this and there is something inside you that keeps tapping you but the “What ifs” creep in, tell them to F off. I believe that we’re driven by Spirit and everyone has a purpose but it’s hard to follow through because it’s so damn scary.

Tomorrow I will go to kick boxing, track what I eat, and meet with a potential photographer.

Day 21

I lost 2 pounds this week! That is almost 8 pounds since I’ve started this blog. Focusing on one day at a time is making this process easier. Wow, I seriously just sounded like an alcoholic. Well, I am a foodaholic. I eat to comfort myself and I eat until I can’t breathe and that’s why I’m fat. Tra la la….that’s the old Theresa. Now I am crazy measuring Theresa who writes what she eats everyday and exercises four times a week.

I had a nice behavior change this morning. I was in a very tight L train with my son Adjei. I noticed this stone face, rigid, I moved to Williamsburg so I can qualify one day as a hipster girl. I noticed her because when I got on the train she didn’t adjust herself to make it easier for me to squeeze in. When we got to 14th St. /Union Square mostly everyone leaves the train. This is like the Grand Central of Downtown; about 80% of the train is going to get off. So a normal considerate person usually follows the crowd out and moves to the side. Well as the doors open and everyone starts to funnel out the subway, this girl just moves her shoulders from side to side but stays in front of the doors. So I kindly say to her “It’s easier if you step to the side.” There is not a trace, not even a hint, of sarcasm in my voice. I mean, truly, not a smidget of anger. She says with a very rude, tight, nasty voice, “The word is excuse me!” I normally would’ve said something back and started a loud argument. It’s happened before. In fact, I’ve been in confrontations where I’m still arguing with someone all the way to the top of the stairs. You may think “wow Theresa has balls” but that’s not it. EVERYONE argues in New York. So back to my story. Guess what I did? I did nothing. I didn’t even turn my head and mouth “Bitch.” I said nothing. I just kept walking and I didn’t even get upset. I felt like this was a sign that I was easen on down the road.

My goals for tomorrow are to track and shake my tail feather at Zumba.

Quote of the Day:

“Every artist was first an amateur“
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Day 20

I went to kick boxing today but I kind of half assed it. I didn’t want to be there so I didn’t go as hard I usually do. I had a few moments when the music got my attention. I tracked and it was a goal-fulfilling day but I’m in a funk. I got some upsetting news from home and it just put me in funk. I live so far from home and have such a different life; so when I hear about some of the troubles going on back home, it just takes me to sad place. I have family members that struggle with living just a regular daily life so I think that’s why I always feel an urgency to live out my full potential. Ugh I’m in a funk.

Tomorrow I will track and I will go get my Frida’s threaded. I hate getting my eyebrows and lip threaded. My eyebrow lady always accuses me of plucking so I feel like she purposely breaks the thread on my forehead. I think lip threading can be an interrogation tactic. It’s damn torture. I actually missed my appointment today because I wasn’t in the mood for the pain. Shit, now I know I’m going to suffer. Rushma never forgets.

Quote of the Day

“I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I’d rather be a has-been than a might-have-been by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are."

Milton Berle

Day 19

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this but sometimes I have a problem with bragging about myself. However, I AM A BAD ASS! Truly, I am one amazing chick. Okay, it may be the Amy Winehouse I have in my ear right now but I feel pretty freakin awesome.

I went to a body conditioning class tonight after a very challenging and exhausting day and I kicked ass. This woman is trying to kill me but I love it. Today was the first day in three weeks that I didn’t bring my lunch. So I went to Just Salad, which is this yummy salad and wrap place. I ordered my favorite Greek wrap that I thought was pretty healthy. Not so much. So since I’m tracking I asked the person preparing my wrap every detail of what she was doing. I sounded obnoxious but I didn’t really give a crap. The spoons they use looked small but come to find out, each scoop is a different size. The feta spoon was 1 ½ oz; the chicken was 3 oz and so on. So after getting all the details of what they put into my wrap, I chowed the thing down and then decide to calculate the points. This friggin thing was 18 POINTS, almost 800 Calories! The lesson here is to do a little research on what you want to eat before you eat it. I will eat it again but I will be prepared and I will direct the person making it a little bit better.

I spoke to a possible photographer and I have a meeting with him on Sunday. I was fantasizing again about my first acting job. I was thinking how freakin awesome it was going to be and how I would post it like it wasn’t a big deal ☺ ☺ ☺

Oh and I played a dance game with my honey last night and I ended up having a blast.

Tomorrow I will track and I will go to kick boxing.

Quote of the Day

One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.

-Arthur Ashe

Day 18

This city seriously tries to kick my ass before I even get to work. I walk about 10 blocks to the subway with my son Adjei. Ellison is usually pushing him. Then when we get to Union Square, we bid farewell to Papa E and try to rush to the front of the line to the only elevator. There are usually around 15 lazy, capable, jerks trying to push their way on to the pee-scented elevator. By the second round, we get on the elevator and I take another train uptown to drop my son off at daycare. That stop doesn’t have an elevator so I’m lugging about 30 pounds of stroller and baby up two flights of stairs. Of course most of the time no one lends a hand. Instead, I might get a snicker that I’m moving too slowly. So I get to Adjei’s school and I have to say goodbye to my sad face son. Then I take a cab across town to my job. (Deep Breath)

You know I hate to complain about work but it is just not what I want to do. Everyday I feel like I’m walking through quick sand. I always feel guilty for being so ungrateful. I wonder if there are people who really love their job. That concept seems so far fetched sometimes. Well I believe I will eventually do something I love.

I am feeling so tired and worn out by the day that I have already gone over my points. I still want to eat but I’m not going to. Tomorrow I will track and I will either go to Zumba or Body Conditioning. I will also call some photographers for headshots. I want to get my pictures taken by the end of February. I still have not played a video game with E, I'm hoping he will cancel

Quote of the Day:

“Everyone can think of the one thing that would make life better for them. 
But people are not so quick to answer the second question: 
’what are you doing to make that change come true." 


Catherine Pulsifer

Day 17

So I am starting to understand the passion for exercise. This is the third week I’ve been fully committed and I have to say that I love the way I feel after. I love to push myself a little bit more when I feel like giving up.

I had the day off today and I just love being home with my boo bear. I cooked like I was catering a wedding. Since I have no time during the evenings to cook dinner, I try to knock out at least three meals on Sunday. This Sunday I cooked this really good chicken soup for Ellison and Adjei but that was it. So today I made grilled chicken, chili beans, and grilled veggies. I also made April’s stuffed Portobello recipe and it was so yummy!

Tomorrow I will track and I will spend some time with Ellison. My honey is really supportive of all the crazy things I have going on in my life. He is always there to say Go Go Go! Okay this is a big one…a huge sacrifice…I will play a video game with E tomorrow.

Good Night Everyone!

Day 16

Well all my wonderful girls were right. I needed a day off to recoup, reflect, and sleep. I still felt a little weak and dizzy this morning but I managed to make it to the gym. I kicked ass at kickboxing. I even got a shout out from the instructor. I'm feeling ten times better than I felt yesterday. I'm really proud of myself because I indulged in some of my favorite foods yesterday but I tracked it all. I usually have at least two NY slices of pizza, sometimes three, but I only had one with a large salad. I also had some of my favorite European chocolate cookies, only two. I spent 57 points yesterday but I feel fine about it. I still have my activity points and some weekly points too. I was so worried to indulge because my old habits were to just toss the whole meal out as not counting. I probably wouldn't have tracked a night like that because I would’ve thought, what's the point. I would’ve pretended it never happened.

So this early in the year and I'm accomplishing so much. My main goals are behavior changes. Of course I want to lose weight but more importantly, I want to understand myself better. I want to be less moody with the people I love the most, and I want to walk through fear over and over again.... One more I want...I want to love myself UNCONDITIONALLY!

My goals for tomorrow are to continue to track and to go to a body conditioning class. I also want to go to mass during the day since I’m off.

GOOOO BEARS!!!!!!!

Day 15

I need help.  I am feeling like woman crap and I missed Zumba.  I only have 6 points left because I’m eating everything, tracking, and crying at bad movies like Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.  This is not good.  I chose not to go to Zumba because it would mean Ellison would have had to meet me at the gym before his meeting so we could swap the baby.  I’m still in my workout clothes planning on going later and doing my independent workout but the motivation is slowly slipping. 

Please Theresa go to the gym.  Stop Eating!

Tomorrow I hope to say that I went to the gym.  I also will attend my kickboxing class….and I will prepare a couple of meals for the week.

Our Deepest Fear

By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world.


There is nothing enlightened about shrinking 
So that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were all meant to shine, as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it's in everyone.


And as we let our own light shine, We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.

Day 14

I weighed in today and I lost 2.2 pounds!  I am 7 pounds away from leaving the 200’s.  I think I will have a nice going away party for that number once I hit 199 because I will never be in that range again.  I feel really crampy and exhausted today.  I went out to dinner tonight with a friend and I did pretty well.  I had roasted chicken and did not go crazy on the beans and rice.  Since I have my monthly reminder that I am a woman I want to eat everything.  Ugh I feel terrible today. 

Tomorrow I am going to Zumba and I will continue to track.  I also need to start shopping for new clothes.  This was never like me but ever since I’ve gained weight, I refuse to buy nice clothes.  It’s like I’m punishing myself for being fat.

Good Night Everyone!

Quote of the Day

“When you get in a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn"

-Harriet Beecher Stowe

Day 13

I am pooped de pooped!  I have successfully completed another week of fulfilling my workout and tracking goals.  Today I went to kickboxing and I am so soar.  I swear, sometimes New Yorkers are so damn intense with their gym etiquette.  Everyone is so territorial.  I didn’t share this on my last kickboxing blog but I actually got into a mild confrontation with this kickboxing wildebeest.  This woman was something special. She was really fit and a little butch.  She was already boxing to herself before class even started.  Well, last week I thought someone left their towels on the floor, so I kicked them to the side.  She came at me like a crazy bull asking who moved her towels.  I told her I did because I thought someone left them there from a previous class and she started mumbling under her breath.  I said politely, “excuse me, I didn’t hear you”…it’s the chola in me, the risk taker. Well she spared me and said, “It’s okay, I’m fine.”  So anyway she was in the class I attended today!  Mind you, the class from last week was in Union Square and the class today was in Midtown.   So she’s standing next to me and of course she has to try to trample me with her grape vine.  I did, however, make it through the class and now I feel soooooooo SOAR!

I’ve decided that I am not going to “splurge” unless I am really craving it. I am still trying to balance the compulsive nature in me.  My fear is to change things up because I don’t want to get spooked or stressed and quit.  I’m a little nutty that way.  I will continue to track tomorrow and I will also try to introduce new meals to my week and maybe plan ahead a treat.  I will also continue doing 50 crunches every night for my flatter panza.  I don’t think I will ever have a pack of sorts but I don’t want one.

Quote of the Day

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit”
Aristotle

Day 12

I am on cloud 9.  I can’t believe that I actually went out in this god awful cold weather to attend a body conditioning class.  I was so proud of myself because I was five minutes away from being too late to go.  I had my workout clothes on, I asked Ellison to make sure he was home right at 6:00 p.m.  I made sure the condo was clean and dinner was made.  I had a load of laundry in the washer.  I even made sure Adjei was fed, changed, and in his pajamas.  I didn’t want anything to interfere with me going to this class.  Now this is a MAJOR behavior change for me.  I may be convincing myself that I am really serious about this exercise stuff.  The class was really intense and the instructor was this Puerto Rican, Ed Harding wearing, militant, no-nonsense instructor.  She kept walking by me because she knew at times I was cheating.  I was afraid she was going to kick me out.  I will be back, oh yes, I will be back.

So I have friends that want a partner or a husband.  Here is a great example of why it is not always greener.  So with all that I did to prepare so I can go to the gym—cook, clean, WORK, and care for our son.  I ask my husband how he liked the dinner I prepared for him.  He asks “Did you use the Paul Newman sauce”, I said “yes, why?” He says, “It had a funny, sugary after taste.”  I am still pissed off.  I really wanted throw all the food away that I cooked.  However, I did not do that. J

I have anger issues.  Oh my god Modern Family is hilarious.

Tomorrow I will continue to track, maybe forgive my husband for his insensitive critique, and go to a kickboxing class at lunch while picturing his smiling face.

Quote of the Day

“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong”


-Peter T. McIntyre

Day 11

I was feeling kind of sad today.  I miss my mumsie and papa.  Sometimes I fantasize about being able to go over to my Tootsie (mumsie) or Papa’s house on a random weeknight.  Or call Tootsie to see if she wants to meet up for some coffee and a pastry.  I just really miss my parents.  I think since I don’t grab for a cheeseburger and fries for comfort, I’ve been feeling a little melancholy.  I’ve been doing so good with my tracking and eating that I almost feel like I should splurge so I don’t get burned out.  It’s the same thinking I had when I started to gain all the weight I lost 7 years ago.  Once I reached my goal I almost immediately started to accept gaining the weight back by rewarding myself with food.  I can’t believe I let myself gain all my weight back.  I’m a Debbie Downer today. 

On a lighter note, I stayed within my points today even though work was slowly killing me.  I also left for a walk to get some air. 

Tomorrow I will find 5 different ways to exercise if the snow prevents me from going to the gym.  I will also continue to track and do 50 crunches.

Quote of the Day

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers”


-M. Scott Peck

Day 10

It is so hard to feel inspired on Mondays.   Thank goodness Jim Carey is on Inside the Actors Studio. Work was very stressful today and I knew it would be.  I was cursing out loud to myself and that’s never a good sign.  I didn’t leave to go for a walk because I was so busy I forgot.  Tomorrow I want to say I will go workout during lunch but I’m afraid my workload may not permit it.  I will commit to bringing my clothes and if I can I will go to a body conditioning class. Although my day was crazy I did manage to stay away from all the junk in our company’s kitchen.

Jim Carey is seriously one of the best comedians of my time.  I love the guy.  Tomorrow I will continue to track what I eat, 50 crunches, and leave during the day for quiet time in this nice loud city.

Inside the Actors Studio with Theresa Sarbeng

Favorite Word: Balls

Favorite Curse Word:  The classic, the one and only--Fuck

Least favorite word: Weird

Noise I love: Laughing

Sound I hate: Loud saliva glands and food smacking lips.

What turns me on: Sincere kindness

What turns me off: Sarcasm

What profession would I not like to do:  Accountant

What would I like to hear God say at the pearly gates:  C’mon in my little flower.

Day 9

Today was a good day with eating, preparing, tracking, and exercising.  It was so damn cold outside that when I got to kickboxing, I was not motivated at all.  About 20 minutes in I was worn out and considered leaving.  My little stubs for legs felt like they weighed 100 pounds each.  Every time I wanted to quit I would just rev my head up again.  I used my acting skills and pretended I was as excited as the men hooting and hollering in the front.  So kudos to me for finishing the class.  I also prepared a vegetable and bean soup, grilled chicken, and grilled brussel sprouts for the week. 

My goals for tomorrow:

• Track what I eat
• Go for a walk if work gets to stressful
• Only snack on fruit
• 50 crunches

Quote of the Day

“Peace begins with a smile.”

-Mother Teresa

Day 8

Today is a great day.  I had a nice encounter with a good ol fashion crazy that justifies why I love NYC so much.  Today we had a sub in Zumba.  At first I was skeptical because this woman looked a little rough around the edges.  She had bright crazy red hair.  She was wearing these fitted, pocketed, parachute pants.  She was a little beefy.  So the first thing she says before she starts is ”Everyone, I have a meter going outside and I can’t afford another ticket, so we have to be out of here in 50 minutes.”  I’m thinking “oh dear Jesus, this is gonna be a waste.”  The fear doesn’t stop there.  Then we do our warm up, which is good, but when the music changes she tells everyone some instructions for the next set but she’s totally out of breath and her speech is slurred.  So she goes to the back of the room and turns down the regular lights and up the club lights and we start into one of the most intense workouts I’ve had in a long time.  This woman was an animal.  She would scream, “I lost 40 Pounds doing this…SHAKE IT!”  So I shook it and I shook it hard.  I’m sort of addicted to people like this:  out of control, a bit off their rocker, and a little broken but absolutely Fabulous.  Women like her are what make NYC one of the best places to live.  This city welcomes crazy.  If fact, the crazier you are, the more you’re loved. 

I am slowly starting to really appreciate working out.  I am not in love but the relationship is building.  I’m still tracking what I eat and I will continue to do that tomorrow.  I will also prepare a couple of meals for the week because that was very helpful to me last week.  Tomorrow I will also kick some tail in kickboxing.

TTFN

Quote of the Day:

“Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn't have it in the beginning”


-Gandhi

Day 7

I weighed in today and I lost 3.4 pounds since I weighed in three weeks ago.  Woo Hoo!  Tonight I really wanted to reward myself with something junky.  I even went to a deli that sells my favorite chocolate.  Instead, I bought myself a bottle of water for tomorrows Zumba.  I’ve decided I don’t want to venture into indulgent foods like chocolate or pizza unless I’ve exercised. Then I will decide if it’s worth it.

My photographer had an unexpected issue so he stood me up.  I was bummed because I was so prepared and excited for the meeting.   I will just have to follow up again and schedule more appointments with other photographers.

I am keeping up with the 50 crunches every night.  Tomorrow I will go to Zumba and continue to track what I eat.  I will also commit to having some fun shopping with my family and not spend the day cleaning.  Ellison doesn’t understand that I enjoy cleaning because it gives me peace of mind.  If my house is a mess, I can’t relax.  Well, my mind is slowly starting to drift.  Friday is a rough blog night.  Good Night.

Quote of the Day

I Am Powerful!

Whatever I set my mind on having, I will have.

Whatever I decide to be, I will be.

The evidence is all around me.

The power of my Will has brought me precisely to where I am right now.

I have made the choices. I have held the thoughts.

I have taken the actions to create my current reality.

And I have the power to change it into whatever I want it to be.

With the choices I make, I am constantly fulfilling the vision I have for my life.

If that does not seem to be the case --

Then I am deceiving myself about what I really want.

Because what I really, truly want, I will get!

What I truly wanted in the past, I already have.

If I want to build a billion-dollar business, I will take the actions necessary to do it.

If I want to sit comfortably watching TV night after night --

I will take the actions necessary for that.

I won’t be disappointed in my results --

They’re just the outward manifestation of my priorities.

I will be sure of what I truly want,

because I am sure to get it!

Anonymous

Day 6

I’m weighing in tomorrow and I’m excited.  My weigh in girl is a sweetie and she knows not to tell me if I gained or lost.  It’s been a successful week but I still struggle with the negative thoughts of “What If”.  What if I can’t keep this up?  What if I meet my goal and I gain all the weight back again? I just look forward to when this is all very natural for me.  I’m so afraid of going back to eating junk and not caring.  I think that’s the worst is accepting being fat.  It’s true, I do have confidence but I hate being fat.  I hate trying on clothes.  I hate not being able to wear what I want to wear.  I hate looking at old pictures of me when I was thin. 

I also need to find a balance and I’m struggling with that. Today I made Ellison and Adjei tacos and I wouldn’t eat them.  I didn’t even calculate the points.  I ate an egg white sandwich instead.  I’m afraid of splurging on anything I really love like chocolate, tacos, rice, and pizza.  I’m getting hungry right now. 

Tomorrow I will continue with the 50 sit-ups.  I will also continue to track.  I have to say I’m actually looking forward to exercising on Saturday.

Quote of the Day

“I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed”

-Michael Jordan

Day 5

Today was a really successful day for me.  I made my first appointment with a potential photographer for my head shots.  I went to Zumba and shook my tail feather so hard I got a little nauseous. The crazy women around me were on fire.  It was contagious.  I couldn’t help myself.  Plus, I always think the instructor is looking at me thinking, “wow that little chubb can rock it out”.  Why do I always think people are looking at me and admiring me?  Well, I look forward to being the obnoxious crazy woman in the front matching the instructor. 

I felt high after I spoke with the photographer.  I felt momentum and then of course I started fantasizing about when I will book my first job.  I started seeing myself dancing down the street like a wild woman. What song is that going to be?  Any suggestions?  It used to be Sweet Caroline but that may be just too mild.  I might need something with a little bit more of a kick.

I’ve also been tracking what I eat without cheating or estimating.  I’ve been on Weight Watchers on and off for probably 2 years and this has NEVER happened.  Not even my very first week.

I wanted to do this blog for a long time but I judged it.  I wanted to invite others on this journey but I was afraid people would make judgments on me.  Now this process is becoming something really special to me.  

My exercise goals are met for the week.  I want to continue to track what I eat tomorrow and start some good conversations with God again.

Quote of the Day

"A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities."




-William Arthur Ward

Day 4

I felt really anxious today.  This morning I was running check lists in my head over and over of what I needed to do during the week.  This is what I do.  I start a goal like a Spanish raging bull out of the gate, with fire.  I want to tackle every goal at once.  I want to have an amazing spiritual, peaceful, faithful, Zen relationship with God.  I want to be an exercising master that people look at and go, “Wow she’s FIT”.  I want to be that story of the girl who always wanted to be and Actress and look, now she’s on BROADWAY!  I want to be the business owner who was featured on MSNBC for Best Places to Live because SHE and her company brought a community together.  HOLY SHIT this girl is AWESOME, she’s the Next OPRAH!!  What the F man?!

So this morning my crazy thoughts are racing and I get this thought “Look Down” and the same thought keeps coming into my head “Look Down”.  So I look down and my beautiful little boy is just smiling looking at the world around him.  It was unreal, he was just smiling.  It was right then and there that I said to myself…Fucken relax!!  RELAX!!!!!!  Should I say it again  REEELAAAAX!  I realized that I am trying so hard to live up to my ambition that it’s making me crazy and I’m missing the moment.  The whole point of my blog is to be mindful, not to conquer. 

After 2:00 p.m. today I would have fulfilled my goals from yesterday.  For the rest of the day and tomorrow I am going to slow down and enjoy each crazy moment in my life.  I’m going stop and take in the world around me.  Halleluiah!

Quote of the Day

"I used to live in a room full of mirrors; all I could see was me. I take my spirit and I crash my mirrors, now the whole world is here for me to see."

-Jimi Hendrix

Day 3

I had a successful morning with prayer and meditation.  Already I am hesitant to set that goal again because I love every minute I can sleep but when I pray I feel so good.  Well it’s done.  I will wake up again an hour earlier tomorrow so I can sit with Jesus and talk.

This afternoon I was walking around midtown on my lunch break and I started to think about when I was going to start setting goals towards my acting career.  I felt really anxious about it.  I keep setting goals around my acting career but I’m still shying away from the Big Kahuna. This is hard for me because it’s the one area in my life that I’ve kept safely in my head.  You know what, I’ve already figured this out…take your big enormous ego out of it…you DRAMA QUEEN!  Tomorrow I am going to make an appointment with at least  one photographer for my headshots.  I am also going to attend a hip-hop funk class.  I’m a bad ass.

Quote of the Day:

(One of my personal favorites)

None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Day 2

Today I am so exhausted.  I mean really dog gone tired.  I had a successful day that started off with a kick boxing class.  I came home and did a ton of home stuff.  I made a commitment today to make a meal plan for the week.  I haven’t planned out what I’m going to eat but I made 3 large meals.  I made an amazing 2-point vegetable soup.   I also made some chili with kidney, black, and pinto beans and finally I grilled 5 thin chicken breasts.  I am so proud of myself right now because it took a lot for me to prepare those meals.

I am already a little nervous about the week ahead of me because I have had almost two weeks off of work.  However, I am ready to take this week by the balls and commit to exercise.  I have been tracking everything I eat and I feel awesome!  Kim, I want to link my food log to this as well.  My goal tomorrow is to wake up and hour earlier so I can meditate and stretch.

Quote of the Day  

“I find that the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are Moving. “

Oliver Wendell Holmes

Day One

I woke up this morning feeling less motivated than the night before.  However, I got up, ate some oatmeal and did a load of laundry.  I also read the Bible because Kimmy, a fellow follow througher, inspired me.   I made it to Zumba class at 11:30 a.m.  There were no spots left except for the front and the back and of course I couldn’t bear to be in the back, so the front it was.  I started like a Spanish Bull but ended like an awkward frat boy.  I just ran out of steam towards the end so the rhythm was gone. 

After the class on my way to the subway I remembered why I loved NY so much.  The sun was shining and I looked a butt mess but I felt great.

Tomorrow my goal is to go to Cardio Kick Box.  I am also going to prepare a dinner schedule for the week. 

Quote of the day:

“Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it's not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won't. It’s whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere”

Barack Obama