Should I quit WW

Hi Guys! So I really need to write more because last year was proof that writing works. It works even more when you invite others in your journey because you’re not only sharing your experience but you’re also asking for support. So when I’m feeling unmotivated, I especially need to write. I have been STRUGGLING so much with my eating. I do good in the morning and lunch but when Adjei goes down for nap time and I have some quiet time to myself, all control is gone. I’m also struggling with dinner time. I eat with Adjei and then when Ellison gets home, which is late, I eat with him! What the hell?! I'm really close to canceling my WW membership because I feel like I don’t deserve it if I’m not following it. I feel that having WW keeps me trying to get it right and I’m afraid that if I drop the membership, I'll gain more weight.

On a more positive note, I'm exercising a lot. I’ve been running in the early mornings and now I have three running partners that keep me accountable. One of my partners is running a half marathon this weekend and she wants me to run one with her in April. I’m strongly considering this. I’ve also been going to Yoga and I absolutely love it. My body conditioning has taken a backseat so I probably need to make sure I do at least two of those classes a week.

So it’s a new day and I have to just keep trying. I’m thinking that I probably shouldn’t cook in bulk anymore because it just triggers me to snack on yummy food. Today I will eat carrots or fruit when I want to snack. I just typed that and I kind of don’t believe myself. Get it together Theresa. Cheers to Melissa McCarthy, one fearless and badass woman!

Gratitude and Submission

You guys I’m feeling so incredibly grateful. Ellison is working again and I am so so grateful. I realized that the less I nag Ellison and the less I criticize him, the more confident and amazing he is. Sometimes I have really fucked up thinking. Do you know that I’ve prayed to God to help Ellison see things my way? This reminds me of the time when I was a little girl and I went to confession with my best friend. I was telling the priest all her sins. I even asked the priest if she told him about one particular sin, just to make sure. Oh I love that little girl (me). she was a doozy. I really think I know everything. I’ve even told Ellison that if he listened to me, his life would be so much easier. Yup, I admit it, I’m a know it all control freak. Well this has been such a great year so far because I’m giving up the need to be controlling and independent. I always thought that being independent meant you were strong. I grew up in household where I had to become independent at a young age and it was something I was very proud of. In fact, it served me in a lot of ways until it became more of way of me trying to control all the outcomes in my life. Well I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and writing and reading and I am in a place of complete gratitude and submission. Submission to God as I see him. It feels amazing.

I’ve also been asking for help more. Theresa Ann Sarah Parsons never asks for help. In fact, I believe this is why I have not acted in a long time. I’m afraid to ask anyone for anything. I can do it on my own even if it kills me. Well over the past few months I’ve been learning to reach out to new people and it’s amazing. I’m involved in some new things and each and every one of those things involves someone.

Lastly I am being really gentle with myself. Everyday I tell myself that I will not judge myself; whatever I do that day is enough. It feels really good to give yourself that kind of patience. I love it. Oh and I love yoga and I love you all! Today I went running with my partner at damn 6:45. Tonight I have body conditioning. Just so you all know, I am not dong this for those jeans anymore, really! I’m doing it because I enjoy the new friends I’ve made and I LOVE the way it makes me feel.

Day 12

I am movin and groovin ladies. I’ve been exercising a lot and not because I’m trying to lose weight but because it feels so good. My eating has been terrible and I’m tempted to quit weight watchers because I’m not really following the plan and I can’t afford the 40 bucks a month. I’m going to give it more time because it works and it’s up to me to work the plan.

I’m so proud of myself lately because I’ve been going easy on myself and Ellison and it feels so good. I have some peace and I feel it’s because I’ve been working hard on understanding why I’m so hard on myself and also going back and reflecting on my past with journaling. It’s so powerful to write. I’m learning to be okay with right now. Being a mom forces you to focus on another person’s life on a daily basis. I’ve learned from watching Adjei grow that the little things we do on a daily basis have such a large impact on him. So when I reflect on this it brings me back that the most important day of the year is today. Today plus today plus more today’s create huge milestones for all of us. And not to sound morbid but we’re not guaranteed tomorrow or next week or next year. If you think about it, all we really have time for is what is happening today. So some of the questions I’ve been asking myself are: Can I be agreeable and let that fuss go? Can I comfort myself and say I’m good enough now? Can I love my family unconditionally with kindness, laughter, and without expectation? Can I laugh at myself and let my racing mind rest? In the words of Cesar Chavez, Bob the Builder and Barak Obama “Si Se Puede, YES YOU CAN!”

Today I love me for everything I am and everything I’m not. I am good enough NOW!! Today I will go for a run, do some work for my building, and write.

Proud:
Taking time to pray and love myself in the morning.
Talking to people I don’t know well and not judging myself.
Ending an argument without getting my way.

Day 6

It’s so crazy how God will speak to you through people you never expect it from. This morning I got a call from my previous manager. He's a very smart man and there were occasions that I was frustrated by him because he's a perfectionist. I reached out to him because since I’m looking for work I wanted to use him as a reference. He called me this morning and at first I thought, hmm, maybe he’s going to offer me some part-time work. We spoke and he asked me what I was looking for and I went into a long monologue of finally saying basically anything that will allow me to work part-time. He then told me that he was about to give me my kick in the butt. He reminded me that I left the company because I really wanted to pursue other dreams. Then he told me I needed to hustle and network because my opportunities will come from the most unexpected people. He said “You need to talk to people.” We spoke for a bit and it was divine intervention from THE MOST unexpected person. I’m in a very uncertain situation right now so my immediate instinct is to run to what’s safe. So I half heartily go after safe jobs for me, and avoid jobs I really want because of fear. I can only tell myself that small, fear pushing, actions will push me to a better me and a most fulfilling job. I am growing so much and doing some personal work and it’s mind blowing. I have such a fear of rejection and relationships. It’s hilarious that I want to dedicated my life work to exactly what frightens me to death. I can’t go to my safety place of procrastination and avoidance. My goal today is to start something I’ve been procrastinating on and face something I’ve been avoiding. Thank you God!

Proud list:
Didn’t get my feelings hurt over constructive criticism.
Listened to my previous manager with an open heart.
Envisioned a very clear picture of me acting again.

Grateful list:
A partner who encourages every part of me, even cheers me on through my indecisive coping.
People. People want to give to me just as much as I want to give to them.
God. The God I know and love. The God who loves me for who am and all that I'm not.

Day 3

Today I went for a run in this freezing damn cold. I was so cold at first but about ten minutes into the run I didn’t feel cold at all. I can actually run for longer periods of time, plus it doesn’t hurt that I have company with a great gal. My neighbor/friend and I have made a running date for every Tuesday and Thursday. I love having a running partner. Everyone should have a running partner, it makes all the difference. I don’t mind running solo but having someone there just makes it so much more fun. I didn’t track today and it’s because I’m completely out of the habit. Tomorrow I will try again.

Proud list:
Reached out to another previous boss to let him know I was looking for work.
Ran 2.5 miles.
Didn’t nag or criticize Ellison.
Got up early to stretch, pray, and breathe.

Tomorrow I have my body conditioning class and I’m going to track, even if it’s on random pieces of paper.

Day 2

Hello my most wonderful wonderful women! I actually looked forward to this blog because I’m choosing to only post on the follow through club page and it feels so liberating. I will continue to keep my blog public because if there are people reading it that benefit from it, I want them to have access.

I’m going to add something new to my posts and that’s tracking actions or inactions that I’m proud of.

Proud List:
1. Applied for one job three TIMES! It was an application system through their portal and it was long. My computer froze the first time and the second time, I clicked something and half the information got lost. Huge annoying mistake but I finished it.

2. Reached out to my old boss and let him know I was looking for part-time temp work.
3. Went to body conditioning and worked hard.
4. Practiced some yoga poses this morning (I’m taking a basic class on the weekends) and did some meditating. I did this for 15 minutes.

Tomorrow I will go running with my friend Jade and I will track what I eat. My eating is not great because I’m not tracking. When I’m not tracking I don’t trust how good I think I’m doing.

Here’s to 2012! If you don’t post your blogs, you should try and write. It makes a huge difference.

Weight Loss Blog

It’s a New Year!!! So today I wanted to give some of my best advice and wisdom for losing weight. Here it goes:

1. There is NO effortless way to lose weight.

2. Perfection is the enemy. Progress...effort... progress....effort....progress.

3. Do something!! Everyday make a conscious decision to move more. Walking is one of the most effective ways to lose weight. Map a route with Google maps or map my run. If you have a smart phone, there are apps for this as well.

4. Journal about your day. Blogging for me was very helpful in my weight loss journey because I discovered some major things about myself. I realized that I actually identified more with being fat because I was protected. I discovered that it was serving me in a very dysfunctional way.

5. Track what you eat. You don’t need to be part of weight watchers to track your food. Food amnesia is very common. If it seems too time consuming, track how much water, fruits and vegetables you've had. Sometimes focusing on the healthy habits you're creating is more motivating.

6. Don’t bring junk in your house, not even for your kids. Why make it harder for yourself?

7. Always have fruit in the house to snack on.

8. Make a healthy habit of eating vegetables with every meal.

9. Drink water and slowly cut out soda, especially diet coke.

10.If you indulge, get over it and start again the next meal or next day.

11.Let time take time, don’t try to set a weight loss deadline. It will set you up for a lot of disappointment.

12.NEVER EVER GIVE UP. N E V E R E V E R G I V E U P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!