Day 151

Today was a great day but I totally screwed up my points. I also didn’t plate anything. It was chip, dip, guacamole, and mouth. Then I continued to eat nachos, hotdogs, and ice cream cake. I also had some amazing blue corn pancakes for breakfast. I think I had 100 points today but I’m too tired to track. I only have one more day with my family and I’m a little sad. It was such a great trip. Adjei had the time of his life with his cousins and grandparents. I know this trip will stay with him for a long time. However, it’s time to get back to my life in NY. I miss my hubby.

Tomorrow I will relax. I will take Adjei to the park and I will get ready to go back to NYC. I will also eat within my points and track everything.

Day 150

Well I went for a run/walk today but it was really windy. I started off jogging but it got too challenging so I walked. I’m so tired. I love being home with my family. I almost didn’t track today but I was curious to see how I did. I thought I did well because I only ate breakfast and dinner but I was wrong. I ate 57 points! I am grateful that I tracked but I can’t throw this week away. I have to remember that I will be going back home to New York and I will feel much better about myself if I don’t pig out everyday. I have to be mindful.

I had a special day with my brother Dave and Tootsie (My mommy). We all cleaned the graves together and I really cherished it. My brother and I walked alone together and he said to me that he was going to start trying again. My brother David is one of my biggest inspirations in my life. When I hear that he is still trying to do his best, it swells my heart and makes me want to try harder too. I’m so grateful for my family.

Tomorrow we are having a birthday bash for my awesome niece and nephews. There will be lots of yummy food and cake. Can I just say that I’m not sure how I will behave? I will commit to not snacking. I will plate everything so I am aware of what I’m eating.

Day 149

I think I’m busier in Albuquerque than I am in New York. Tonight I went to the mountains to see my brother. He has the most incredible views, I feel like I’m looking at heaven. I still see my younger brother as my baby brother. I adore him so much. He and I even tangoed like we did when we were kids. I had a really good eating day today. My dad has a hot tub and I sat in it last night and today I wasn’t even a little bit soar from the race. When I have a bigger home, a hot tub is a must. It’s like being at the spa. I was in heaven last night lying in that tub under the New Mexico stars. If E Berg were with me, it would have been perfection. Tomorrow I am going to go for a run and I will also do a lot of weeding since I’m cleaning the graves. I am going to breakfast with my Tootsie so I will do my best to be good. I’m craving pancakes. Shouldn’t I be craving some Huevos Rancheros?

Day 148

Who’s the Bomb? I’m da Bomb! So I did it, I ran my first 5K. I have to say that it was a great experience. My Papa and my dear friend/fellow follow througher were with me and it made the whole experience so much more special. My hubby also loaded a new Nano for me. I didn’t listen to the music until today and he hooked me up. I think I did pretty well for my first run. I jogged up to mile 2.5 and then I got really winded and walked and jogged to the finish line. I was praying I wasn’t last and I think my time was roughly 30 minutes. I remember thinking that when I hit mile one, how that milestone was once so far away. I can’t wait until they post the final results. I was such an amateur. I didn’t know that the tag on the number was there to track time, so I ripped it off before the race. I thought it was a raffle. Thank god for Melanie because I wouldn’t be able to get my results if I didn't have that damn raffle tag. It was such a busy day today. I haven’t tracked all week but I am making good choices. Today I finally had some enchiladas and I got my corn tortillas steamed instead of fried. It was actually really good. Tomorrow I will be mindful when I eat and I will enjoy another beautiful day in Albuquerque.

Day 147

Tomorrow is race day! I’m a little nervous about it because I haven’t worked out this week. I will kick ass because I will have people I love there. I’m not sure if you all remember but it was five months ago that I said I was not a runner and that I couldn’t even run a mile. Now I am embarking on a three-mile run. Woot Woot! Yes, I just raised the roof and I’m tempted to do the train.

I’ve been doing okay with my eating while in New Mexico. I just couldn’t resist the Dion’s sub. I didn’t get the ranch dressing and I also didn’t eat the chips. I haven’t had any good Mexican food from my favorite spots but I will. My parents have been really supportive with accommodating my new eating habits. I thought my mom would give me a lot of resistance but she’s been an angel. I told her Monday that after we cleaned our families’ graves, we would go out to eat at one of her favorite spots. She was so excited because I've been making us breakfast at home. This is a big change because normally I go out to breakfast everyday I'm home with my Tootsie. Today I took my nieces to the park and we chased each other with water guns and water bottles. It feels so good to be home.

Tomorrow I will do my very best and I will also be a mindful eater. Tracking is a bitch when you’re not at home.

Day 146

Long time no talk friends! My flight to New Mexico was beyond a nightmare. First, our plane was delayed in NY for three hours because of mechanical problems. They kept us on the plane for two hours before we departed. Then I missed my connecting flight in Dallas because of a tornado/hail storm. If it hadn’t been for my amazing cousins who came and stayed with me, I would have been a mess. I ended up sleeping over at my cousin’s house because my flight was cancelled. When I tried to get a new flight I was told there was nothing direct until Thursday. The best they could do was flying me to LA with a 6-hour layover to then fly me to Albuquerque. When I got to my cousins house I called again to book the flight on Thursday and the lady said “Oh I just got two seats on the 10:30 a.m. direct flight to Albuquerque, do you want them?” I of course said yes and then she says it will depart from “D22, David 22.” Why this is so significant to me is my brother is named David and 22 is my lucky number. My Grandma Mary was born on that day and she also died on that day. It is also my son’s birthday and my first goddaughters birthday. I felt like there were certainly some angels looking out for me. So with all that said, it ended up being an amazing experience. My cousin/Adjei's godmother was able to spend time with him and I was able to talk and bond with my incredible cousins. I also took it as a sign that I am supposed to nurture those relationships more.

I’m in Albuquerque and it is absolutely beautiful here. It’s warm and the skies are magical. Adjei and I have been laying in my dad’s truck and staring at the sky. He can’t get enough of it. I’m so happy to be here. On an exercise note I haven’t been able to run. I lost two days because of the travel drama and today I went walking with my mom. I am a bit nervous about the 5k but I will do my very best. I’ve been doing okay with my eating considering the stress. I made some excellent choices at the airport. I feel very much in control but I am getting a little frustrated that I haven’t worked out since Saturday. I’ll pick it up though and the run on Saturday will certainly be a nice kick-start. I went grocery shopping tonight and bought a ton of veggies and fruit to keep me on track. This is a different Theresa. I missed you all and I was looking forward to blogging once I got the energy.

Day 143

So I ate a whopping 48 points today. I always get nervous about traveling but I get extremely nervous about going home. I’ve lost about 35 pounds since I’ve been home but I feel like I’m too fat to go home. Isn’t that nuts? I feel like I wish I were a smaller size. What’s that all about? I also get a sad feeling too because there are things back home that I get to avoid by living here. Going home to see family just brings lots of different emotions. Mostly positive and happy but I would lie if I didn’t say there were some uncomfortable feelings too. Every time I land and I see my mom or my dad I usually start crying. I don’t want them to think I’m miserable or having problems so I feel bad about that. So if I don’t cry I’m usually a bit formal. I just turn into a weirdo for the first few days of being home. So with all that said, its no wonder that I ate terrible and didn’t exercise. I’m also going to miss my E-Berg. He’s such a great guy and I can be such a jerk sometimes. Wow, what a pity party. I am feeling better as I write this though.

Tomorrow I will travel all day so please everyone send prayers, angels, and good energy. Right now I can only commit to “trying” not to comfort myself with food. I will also go for a nice long walk with my beautiful mommy.

Day 142

So I didn’t feel like writing tonight because I’m really enjoying the Billboard Awards. Geez I just love music. Is there anything music can’t do? It inspires, it soothes, it gives you an escape, it makes you feel powerful. I love music! I didn’t have a great eating day today and I didn’t go running. I don’t feel bad about it because I will just do better tomorrow. I need to look up points for all foods before I eat them. One stupid chips ahoy cookie is two points. Four pretzel sticks is four damn points. Anyway, good to know and I will stop eating those worthless cookies. When I go to the grocery store I always let Adjei pick out one thing. I do this because it keeps him from acting up. He either picks out goldfish, ice cream, or chocolate chip cookies. I don’t want to restrict sweets because I’m afraid it will make him want them more. When I was growing up we didn’t have anything junky in the house. The only time we got ice cream was when the Schwan truck came by which was maybe once a month. I just remember it was a big treat.

Tomorrow I will run 2 ½ miles. I will also eat better and stay within my point range. Picture of the do coming soon.

Day 141

New York City today was an absolute dream. The weather was so perfect and I started the day off with a run. I was about two miles into my run and I spotted Ellison and Adjei at the track. I could have pushed myself but I wanted to spend time with my boys. I skipped weight watchers today because I ran out of time. I also cut about three inches off my hair. I love it and I love my hairdresser. If anyone wants a kick ass do, go see Travis at Bumble and Bumble downtown. It was just an amazing day. I love the city when I get to run around by myself. I love my boo bear but at his age it’s kind of a hassle to get around the city. I can’t wait until he’s old enough to experience some of things I cherish about this city. I did really well with my eating.

Tomorrow I will go running. I will also track what I eat. I have a million things to do before I leave to Albuquerque.

Day 140

I had an okay day today. I snacked on some junk today that took up a chunk of my points. I didn’t go to body conditioning, nor did I run. However, it was the first Friday in a long time that I didn’t have pizza. Tomorrow I will do better. I’m skipping Zumba because I need to go running. I’m trying to do some last minute training for my race next weekend. Life is good and I will be in NM soon. I can’t wait to see my family.

Day 139

I had a great day today. This morning I did not want to run; I was tired, my running partner cancelled, and there was a chance of rain. I had so many excuses I could have used. I ran 2 ½ miles and it was hard. I was wearing a heavy sweater so I think it will be easier the next time I run. I thought it was cooler than it was and I didn’t have anywhere to put my sweater, plus it was holding my iPod. I’ve been tracking accurately and I’m almost out of weekly points. I still have all my activity points. I thought I would make it to 60 activity points this week but that’s not going to happen. I was over reaching. I’m at 30 and I’ve worked out four times this week.

Tomorrow I'm going running in the morning. I would also like to go to a body conditioning class in the evening but we’ll see.

Day 138

I have some really incredible friends. I was talking to a dear friend on Sunday and she was frustrated because she had gain some weight and she was having a hard time getting her eating back on track. This incredible woman has had an amazing year. She started a new life with a great new job in a brand new state all by herself. I told her that she does everything she makes up her mind to do. I also told her that losing weight was obviously not a priority in her life right now because if it were, she would definitely lose weight. Well two days after that conversation I posted a blog about feeling like I was never going to get to my acting career going. I was also feeling like I failed even before I’ve started. This beautiful friend reminded me of the same thing I said to her. That right now acting was not my priority. She said I was focusing on my body and getting stronger and that once I was ready I would move to my next goal. I need to trust that. I also need to trust that God’s timing is better than my timing.

I didn’t get to go to body conditioning because Ellison had to work late. I could have gone running but I just wasn’t in the mood and I just couldn’t do it. Tomorrow I will go running and I will also update my acting and business resume.

Day 137

I haven’t had a good eating day and it all started with cereal and one slice of toast. I ate cheerios with 1% milk and a one piece of toast with butter. My breakfast was 10 points and I was starving by 10:30. My regular breakfast is always a banana, two egg whites on a light English muffin with a slice of fat free cheese and salsa. That is 5 points and I’m usually good until noon. I had a crap eating day but at least it was on good homemade food, just too much of it. No snacking today. I only got 6 hours of sleep last night so I am tired. When I don’t get enough sleep, I usually have a terrible eating day. It’s like I’m too tired to negotiate with myself. I also didn’t go running because the weather is awful but I think I needed a break anyway.

Tomorrow is body conditioning but I am going to try and go for a short run in the morning. I will also get some rest and eat less tomorrow.

Day 136

Tonight is going to be short and sweet because I am pooped! I signed up for my first 5k and I am super excited. Thank you Melanie!! I’ve jogged two miles without stopping but I know I can do three and if I can’t then I’ll walk. You know when you state a goal with affirmation; it’s kind of crazy how it always happens. It can be within a week, a year, or ten years but it usually happens. My dear friend and Monday and Wednesday gym buddy were talking after class and I told her something that was very disconcerting. I told her that I was preparing for not being a successful actress. WTF? I started to think that maybe I’m just being a realist. Ugh, I wish I had as much determination with acting as I did with exercise. Maybe I just need to get my stride like I did with exercise. Just start and let it build slowly. Anyway, back to exercise. I worked my ASS off tonight. I wanted to curse out loud. The F word would have been perfect.

Tomorrow I’m running on the treadmill but I’m dreading it. I hate running on the treadmill. I will also continue to track what I eat.

Quote of the Day (Yes I am quoting myself):)

"I will live in limbo forever if I don't try"--Theresa Parsons Sarbeng

Day 135

So this morning I woke up really early like I always do and I had it in my head that I was going to do a spin class and then a kickboxing class. I started to get in a really bad mood because I didn’t want to go. I mean I really didn’t want to go but I knew I would be so disappointed in myself if I skipped. I will seriously play games with myself to justify skipping the gym. The train this morning was running late so I said to myself that if the train didn’t come at 9:40, I was walking my butt back home. Well the train came at 9:39. The spin class started at 9:45 so I knew I was going to be late. I was really pissed about it and thought that I would just skip the spin class and walk on the treadmill. Then I remembered this one girl from the last spin class I took. She was late and she went to the front of the class where the only bike was. I thought that was really dedicated. So I said, hell with it, I’m going to spin even though I’m 10 minutes late. So I did 35 minutes of hard spinning and it was nasty. Right after spinning I went to kick boxing class and I was already drenched with sweat. In the middle of my kick boxing class I thought I was going to throw up. This is really intense right? I couldn’t believe I was working that hard. I probably won’t do two classes like that often because it is a mother F’er. However, when I finished I said to myself that there was no way in hell I’m going to blow my points this week. I did Zumba yesterday and spin and kickboxing today. NO WAY in hell is food going to compromise the hard work I’ve done. I am more proud that I followed through with that challenge because I just wanted to stay home and eat a breakfast burrito with my hubby.

Tomorrow I am going to body conditioning and I will track what I eat. I also need to update my business and acting resume.

Day 134

I lost another 1.4 pounds! I was surprised because I ate every single point I had. It goes to show that you can eat all your points and still lose weight. I really want to step up my game with exercising. I’m going to Buque in two weeks and I will probably go to a few spin classes with my dad. My dad is a beast and super competitive so I have be ready to match him. He earns about 60 activity points a week. My papa joined WW after I did and he has lost 25 pounds! He wants to do a triathlon. I figure if my 60-year-old papa can swim laps and then go to a spin class, I can certainly do more than what I’m doing now. When I go to Albuquerque I’m going to do new things with my loved ones that doesn’t entail food. I already asked my Mumsie if she wanted to go dancing and she was super excited. I’m going to take Tootsie out! I wish my cousins Karen and Madalyn were going to be in town. I really wish I were a great cumbia and salsa dancer. I can’t wait to go home!

Tomorrow I’m going to challenge myself with a spin and kickboxing class. I know that sounds like a lot but the spin class is only 35 minutes. I want to earn at least 60 activity points this week. I also want to start tracking my food on my blog but I have to work on modifying the layout. TTFN!

Day 133

So lately I’ve been battling these feelings of self worth. I struggle with needing a specific contribution or accomplishment that makes me feel important or validated. Right now I’m doing good with my weight loss but it’s become boring and uneventful for me. I keep digging for why I need validation from a paycheck or from other people to feel happy. I just want to know how to be consistently free from those thoughts. I mean could a few comments that your parents made when you were young really have a lasting impact? Sometimes that scares the shit out of me because I say some really stupid things. I really don’t blame my parents for any of my issues. I take full responsibility. You know it just dawned on me as I wrote this. The reason why I battle these thoughts is because I am so self absorbed. I become internal and the selfish thoughts start to come up. The cure is making it always about giving and giving and giving back as much you can. When you do things for the pure benefit of self, then it is lonely and it isn’t satisfying. One day I’ll be as grounded as Mya Angelou.

Tomorrow I will go to WW, Zumba, and get the Frida’s waxed.

Day 132

I didn’t eat great today. I had 38 points. I am still under my activity points but only by a hair. I went running this morning and that saved my day from being a complete failure. I need to start working towards my other goals but I feel anxiety over it. I was supposed to get my headshots taken this month but I haven’t done it yet. I keep thinking of all the obstacles I have before me. Every time I’m getting ready to tackle a fear, I always think of the reasons to prevent me from trying. Headshots will be moved to June because I leave for Buque in two weeks. One of my new goals is to set time everyday that is devoted to career. I was doing this when I first stopped working but the last couple weeks I’ve been slacking off. Time to get focused.

Tomorrow I will do some organizing, exercise, and track what I eat. I will also try again to stay within my point range.

Day 131

So I’ve done much better tonight. I only had 36 points today and I tracked truthfully. I went to body conditioning and I worked really hard. I had a really awful thought in body conditioning and it kind of shocked me. I thought to myself “How long will I actually do this?” I felt like quitting and it wasn’t even because the class was hard it was because mentally, I felt tired of trying. Those nasty thoughts love to creep in. I can be really superstitious so I always blame the devil for thoughts like that. It’s like when I start to do good, that no good beast tries to creep in. Well he can go fuck himself because I am stronger than that. Plus I have Jesus behind me and nothing makes me feel stronger than him. Not to mention the army of Angles that surround me.

I feel so grateful for my life right now. I don’t have anything specific but I am so appreciative of my friends and family, my past and my hometown. I’ve made plans to go running tomorrow with my neighbor. I will also track what I eat and try really hard to stay within my point range.

Day 130

So I ate all my weekly points today. Ugh! I know why I ate like a monster today, it’s because I am so tired. I stayed up late with Ellison last night and I was up at 5:30 this morning. Adjei only took an hour nap and we were outside all day. I started to get really annoyed with tracking because having to write down a 60-point day is brutal. At least I finally had my hot fudge sundae. I’ve been craving that for months. I also only had a single scoop sundae. I normally would have gotten two scoops.

Okay I will take back my power as soon as I post this blog. First, I will clean my condo because looking at it is making me want to eat more and then go to sleep. I will also go to bed early tonight. Tomorrow I will go to body conditioning and I will also plan my meals better.

Day 129

You guys it has to happen because I’m looking good and I’m feeling good. So here it goes....Toot Toot! I really have to toot my own horn because I am on fire. I FINALLY overcame my fear and changed up my gym routine. It sounds like such a small accomplishment but for me it was big. I went to a body conditioning class this morning and left Adjei in the daycare there. I was nervous about it and so was Adjei but we both did great.

My eating has been fantastic. I only ate 12 of my weekly points this weekend. I make much better choices when I don’t feel deprived. It’s like with money. When we are doing really well financially, I don’t have a strong desire to spend. However, when we’re broke, I want to shop a lot. I’m feeling so great. Tonight if Ellison comes back early from his bike ride, I just may go for a bike ride too.

Tomorrow I would like to go running or to a spin class. Yes, I want to torture myself again. People love spinning so I’m thinking I will eventually love it too. I will also continue to track what I eat.

Day 128

You know that phrase if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all? Well that’s how I feel tonight. I really didn’t want to write. Sometimes relationships are hard. Tonight is one of those fun marriage nights. I want to say that my Mothers Day was breakfast in bed with roses but it was a day full of tantrums and bickering. I had a vision for today, like I do for all special occasions and when it doesn’t look like a hallmark card, I feel disappointed. This is when I start to feel guilty for not feeling grateful. Tomorrow will be a better day all around.

I am grateful for:
My son. He makes me laugh and tonight my brother James said he sounds like me.
My brothers. They love me so much and I can feel it even though I rarely see them.
Sleep. Sleep always makes everything better.
Warm days and sunny mornings.

Day 127

I lost 2.1 pounds! This is amazing because I ate every single point I had and Miss Bitchface is visiting. The difference this past week was that I didn’t eat all my weekly points over the weekend and I started exercising again. I even had cheesecake and pizza this week but it was all counted.

My family has always shown me love with food. I do the same with my family and I’m really trying to modify this. When I go home to Albuquerque I’m going to try to plan more activities that have less to do with eating and more with talking or physical activity. It is so hard not to love someone with food on a daily basis. I do it with Ellison all the time. I will prepare his food differently than mine because I don’t want to sacrifice flavor for him. I buy my son cookies and cupcakes weekly because he enjoys it. I really need to change this. I just want my boys to be happy. I’m not the only one responsible though. There is resistance and maybe I just need to have a sincere and heartfelt conversation with Ellison. It’s a great day, a beautiful beautiful day!!

Tomorrow I will go running and I will spend another day with my terrific family.

Day 126

Well I ate every single point I had this week. I even ate my activity points. My dad sent me mini cheesecakes and chocolate covered strawberries for Mothers Day. I did well at portioning everything out over time but the cheesecake took up a large chunk of my points. I don’t mind because it was from my daddy. Ellison sent me the most beautiful roses today for Mothers Day. I’m feeling special and happy. Lately my son has been telling me “You look funny mommy.” I’m not sure what that means but it makes me laugh. It is such a blessing to be a mama. I hope I lose weight on the scale tomorrow. I tracked every bite so I feel like I deserve at least one pound.

Starting my weekend with exercise and not eating a bunch of my weekly points really set me off on the right foot. I plan on doing that again. I haven’t been to Zumba in awhile so I’m going to go tomorrow. The instructor offended me a few weeks ago because she decided to film the class without permission. I thought it was invasive. I will also track what I eat and slow down on the sugar.

Day 125

I’m feeling like crap today because Miss Bitchface arrived yesterday. I haven’t had a great eating day but I still haven’t used all my weekly allowance points or my activity points. I didn’t go running this morning because my binky had a rough sleeping night and I was too tired. Tomorrow I will do some kind of exercise. I was going to try and go to Zumba but it’s at the time Adjei naps so we'll see. This has been a great week for me and I really want to end it well. Tomorrow I will track what I eat, stay within my point range, and exercise.

Day 124

I went to my body conditioning class tonight and I rocked it out. Again I had to fight with myself to even go. I even tried to convince Ellison to convince me to say home. I’ve been feeling so lazy lately that I’m in the mindset of I’ll go tomorrow. So I am really proud of myself. I got my mojo back but I will hold onto it with gratitude and try not to get cocky.

My body conditioning class is always very challenging but it was not as hard as the spin class last night. I should probably do a spin class every week because it’s so damn challenging for me. I’m still kicking ass with tracking and eating healthy. This has been a good week. Tomorrow I will go running and I will continue to track.

Day 123

So I have a great story to share with everyone. I’m really pooped so I hope I get it out right. I haven’t been to the gym for almost two weeks. I’ve been exercising but I haven’t been able to make it to my regular classes. I could go to others but when my routine is broken, I have a hard time adapting to change. Tonight I had a dear friend come over and he’s moving back to NM after living here for 8 years. ☹ Anyway, Ellison decided to skip class tonight so I signed up for a Zumba class. Well the timing didn’t work out so I couldn’t make the class. I started to look for another class and found a spin class I could go to. I was walking my friend to the train with absolutely no urgency to make this class. In fact, I secretly planned to skip it and go for a walk around the city instead. I kept looking at the subway clock because I was hoping I wouldn’t make it in time for the class. Nope, I got to the gym with plenty of time for this stupid class. This whole time I’m going through the motions but I’m thinking that I am not going to work hard. Not even a little bit. I peak in the spin room and it’s crowded. I grab a bike anyway and the instructor asks if there are any wait-listers or walk-ins. I raise my hand proudly thinking he’s going to kick me out. He doesn’t and he says, “Congrats, someone is too late.” Well let me just say that people who say they love spin must see Jesus while they’re doing it because I was damn near death. Holy Crap! I was dripping sweat from my chin to the floor. I don’t think I’ve done anything harder than spin. Our instructor was a very fit, very handsome, and very mean G. He drove me like I needed to be driven and that’s with a little bit of criticism. He was yelling at everyone that if they wanted to keep their fat thighs than to continue to go below 90. He also got off the bike and started to do the Lombada. A man after my own heart. So I am really proud that I did something today that I didn’t think I could do.

Tomorrow is body conditioning and tracking. I am still kick ass with my eating.

Day 122

I had another successful eating day today. I didn’t go to body conditioning because Ellison had to work late. It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve been to the gym and I’m getting nervous about that. I’ve been running and walking but the classes I take push me harder than I push myself. I found a 6:30 a.m. class tomorrow and I’m going to try and go. This is really ambitious but I know I will feel so great afterward. We’ll see. I didn’t tell you guys this yesterday but I bought some really cute cotton dresses from H&M yesterday. They are thin and strapless and I love them. It’s still not hot enough to wear them but I’ll be ready when the weather changes. Shopping is becoming so much more fun. I did have skinny brain a little too much when I was shopping and I was pulling things that my body was not ready for. It started to depress me a bit but I got over it. Something to look forward to.

Tomorrow I will continue to track truthfully and I will go to body conditioning.

Day 121

Today was another great day. This is actually the first weekend in months that I did not over eat. Now that I have some momentum, I’m going to try and hold on to it as much as possible. I know that this will pass because that’s life but I’m going to do my very best when it’s easier. I didn’t go to the gym this weekend but I did a lot of exercise. I met up with some great friends all weekend and today I walked for about five hours. I am so tired so I know I earned some activity points. Ellison was great and spent some alone time with Adjei. It was nice because it gave me two days to have some much needed personal time.

I’m feeling really content with my choices right now and that is such a wonderful feeling. For the first time in a long time I feel like I’m not racing against a clock. I have this inner clock that ticks for everything: career, babies, weight loss, new home, more money…blah blah blah! Everything! Lately I’ve had peace and that is one amazing feeling. I hope I can figure out how I’ve gotten to this place. I know it’s always faith but how do I keep it?

This week I’m going to do two things. The first one is I’m going to walk through a little bit of fear. This sounds crazy but I’ve been scared to go to the gym and leave Adjei at the daycare there. I know that sounds crazy but new routines scare me. I’m also going to challenge myself to do a little more than I think I can do. Tomorrow I will go to body conditioning and I will track what I eat. I also need to find a Church I like.