Day 365!

This has been such an amazing year! I experienced being a stay at home mommy with my beautiful son. I lost 40 pounds. I ran three 5k races and one 5 mile race. Exercise is now a real part of my life. I’m ending this year with so much gratitude. I’m grateful for stepping out of fear and starting this blog. I’m grateful for my follow through girls who went on this crazy journey with me. I’m grateful that I love to exercise. I’m grateful for the trials I’ve experienced this year. I am so grateful. I started this year so determined to make this year different and to accomplish all the goals I set. I felt like if I accomplished these goals it would make me happy and settled. The truth is, since going through this journey I’ve come to slowly realize that it isn’t any particular “accomplishment” that is going to bring me happiness. Breaking down the walls I’ve built and focusing on a deeper relationship with God will.

2012 is going to be another fabulous year and my goals are the following:

Lose 35 pounds
Run a 10k
Get healthier mind, body, and spirit.
Yoga
Write everyday even if I don’t post it to my blog. Writing has been one of the most powerful tools I’ve discovered. I’m in love.

Thank you all for reading my blog and I wish you all peace and happiness in 2012!

Day 361

So I didn’t track or measure but I did so much better than I have in weeks. I went to an afternoon body conditioning class with my favorite instructor and it was great. I also ate really healthy today. I haven’t tracked and I chose to blog instead of back tracking because after this I’m going to bed. I’m craving sugar like crazy and I have half of a chocolate cake in my freezer that’s calling my name. I’m trying to save it for my brother in law, who’s visiting this weekend, but good lord it’s tempting. I also have chocolate morsels in the freezer that I should throw out because in a moment of weakness, I will eat those bad boys by the handful. I am determined to enter 2012 feeling really great. I know I’m not going to drop four pounds in a few days but I want to enter the New Year with momentum. My goal for this week is to have four good workouts before the end of the year and to not have any sugar binges.

Day 359

I had to blog tonight because I’m out of control with my eating. I know, I know it’s the holidays but that’s no excuse to eat the way I’ve been eating. I feel like shit. Yes, I’ve enjoyed the junk but not enough to validate how crummy it makes me feel. I only exercised once last week so I need to start again. Tomorrow the tree is coming down and the sugar is going out. I’ve already thrown away some yummy cheese that I was snacking on all day. I care about how I look but I care more about how I feel. If I was eating healthy and exercising and my body now was the best it could get, I would be fine with that. However, I am not eating healthy and I am not exercising. I need consistency again. I haven’t been consistent in a few months. Thank God for a New Year because it’s a new start to do better. I don’t think anyone should give up on resolutions. Who cares if you don’t keep them 100%, if you get to 50% that’s better than where you were, right? Tomorrow I’m going to be really mindful about my points, measuring, and tracking. I will also do a good workout. I love how I feel when I’m taking care of myself.

Day 355

Hi Guys, I’m so glad to be talking to you all right now. It’s been a week or so and I haven’t blogged because I’ve been isolating myself from the world. My eating is out of whack, my exercise has been minimal, and I’ve been obsessing about the possible obstacles of every aspect of my life. Fa la la la la! With all that said, I’m feeling really grateful. This year has been such a blessing, a complete blessing. First I thought it was my weight that was making me miserable, so I did something about it. Then I thought it was my job, so I did something about that. Now I’m realizing that is was none of those things and there is some work I need to do on myself. I feel scared, brave, excited, and scared. I give all my doubts to God and it feels so good to let go of fear, at least for this moment.

I have to get back to taking care of myself. I am extremely excited for 2012 because I feel free; my life is no longer in my hands. I will do the work but then I will let it go and give it to God. If I forget this, please gently remind me. Tomorrow I will track what I eat and I will also go for a light run or body conditioning.

Day 345

Hi guys! I know my follow through girls are thinking wow, another blog?! Well I haven’t blogged in so long and I feel so neglectful. I’ve been quite busy and dealing with some challenges that I’m getting through. Can you believe there are only 20 days left in the year?! Holy crap! When I started this blog, I just knew this year had to be different. I was making a very good living at a pretty fantastic company but I was only seeing my son two hours a day. Now I’m part of a play school with amazing mommies and I’ve gotten to see my son grow in so many ways. I was over 200 pounds, hating my body and now I’m 170 pounds and taking pictures of my belly and showing it to friends. Wha?! I started exercising by walking up the stairs to work and jogging/walking a mile; Now I run five miles and I look forward to a killer body conditioning class. Who Dis?! Finally, I was always afraid to write this blog because I thought I would be made fun of, silly I know, but now I have the most amazing network of friends that live all around the country. Hell, my Bindy boo reads my blog in New Zealand. I am so blessed and it was all because I stepped out of fear and told myself, this year was going to be different. I am not going to fear change, even if it’s change I don’t want. I will embrace it and ride the journey with faith. Thank you all for reading my blog. You’ve kept me going with all your support. Thank you so much!

Oh update--Was down 1.5 pounds at WW. Did a Barry's Bootcamp with some friends and we all kicked some tail. Was introduced to Yoga by my dear friend Kim this past weekend and I LOVED it. I think I've found a new passion.

Day 338

I had a difficult day. I was having anxiety about everything. I was having one of those panic attack about life days and it got really overwhelming. Then it turned into a “i’m not doing enough, I’m not enough, pity party. So I ended up eating 48 points at lunch. I was proud that I tracked every single bite but very disappointed in myself. I went to my body conditioning class this evening and it was so hard, I wanted to give up. I really had a moment when I was just so tired of trying to lose weight. I felt like I wasn’t going to get to my goal. I know people looking from the outside in think, “Theresa is running all these races, she looks great,” but I still have moments when I’m so afraid to try at everything. Today was one of those days. I am proud that I didn’t overeat at dinner and I did finish the class. Tomorrow is a new day and it will be a great one.

Day 336

Hi guys! I am so incredibly tired tonight that I will probably hit the sack as soon as I finish my blog. I had a really great day. I started the morning off with a three mile run with a friend and I’ve tracked everything I’ve had to eat today. I changed my settings on my e-tools to pull from my activity points before it pulls from my weekly. I’m going to try and earn more food by moving more. I wanted to lose ten pounds this month and then I thought that was silly because that’s the thinking that always sabotages me. The real way to lose weight is to change bad eating habits and to exercise. When you focus on it being a life change, the weight will come off. The goal is not perfection; it’s about how soon you rebound after a fumble. Tomorrow I have another race. This is the five mile race I was actually training for. It’s a very meaningful race because it’s for brain cancer. It’s going to be a busy day. I met this older lady in my meeting and the poor thing doesn’t know how to use e-tools, so I’m going over tomorrow to show her how to use it. I absolutely love older New Yorkers, it’s a treat to spend time with them. I love elderly people in general. I encourage you to talk to the elderly as much as possible because a lot of times they’re lonely and can use some conversation. LOVE LOVE and MORE LOVE! Tomorrow I will run my race the best I can. I will track what I eat. I will spend some time teaching a nice lady how to use the WW e-tools.

Day 333

Ugh! So tonight I was really close to skipping my body conditioning class. I made a barbecue chicken pizza for dinner and I decided to chow down on it a couple of hours before class. After I ate I felt like a pig and thought, “what’s the use of going now?” So I asked Ellison to please give me words of encouragement and he did. Then I got an email from my cousin and she told me that she has lost 130 pounds! Then she tells me that she didn’t have words to explain the healing and freedom she’d experienced from loosing weight. It really moved me. So after hearing that, I got my stuffed butt up and took myself to the gym. The class was excruciating and I don’t know what happened but I zoned out for like 15 minutes and from my peripheral I could see the clock and I thought it said there was only 15 minutes left, so I got really happy and motivated. Well, to my dismay, it was only 15 minutes in. I wanted to die! I finished the class and I felt heavy and gross but I finished it.

I decided that I don’t like feeling like a heavy monster during my workouts. It’s not the weight either, it’s what I’m eating that makes workouts that difficult. When my body is being fueled right, I do better. I have another five mile race on Sunday, so from now until then it’s quality whole grains, lean proteins, fruit, and veggies. Tug tug away Talula! Tomorrow I get to workout with my honey!

Day 331

So last week was a really successful week. I was determined to have a loss and I did. I lost one pound and I was really proud of that. I literally planned beginning on Saturday and mentally rehearsed how I wanted my week to look. I didn’t over indulge in my weekly points and I did as much exercise as I could. I also signed up for a five mile race on Thanksgiving day and it went great! I ran the entire time without stopping and I finished in 54 minutes.

The last couple days I’ve been snacking and eating like crap but the good news is, I stopped the beast today. I ate within my points and I busted my tail at my body conditioning class. I know I say this all the time but that class is so damn hard. Every time i’m in that class I have the same thought, ”I hate this effin shit, I’d rather be fat!” Oh but the endorphins after make it worth the pain. Then I think why the hell am I eating like shit when I work so hard at the gym?! I gotta say that I am focused again and it feels good. I am Theresa de la Parsons Sarbeng HEAR ME ROAR!

Day 324

Hi Guys! So usually if I don’t blog it’s because I’m probably eating a lot and sitting on my couch pouting about it. However, I can say that I have been doing fantastic for a couple of weeks now. I’ve been preparing myself for Thanksgiving to be indulgent and yummy and I'm anticipating that I will probably eat 70 points that day. On Saturday I visualized what my week would look like and I've planned ahead for the big feast. Normally I eat most of my weekly points over the weekend but I was very good and only had 10 of my weekly points. I also ran over the weekend so I earned activity points. I am determined to have a Thanksgiving loss, even if it’s .2. I am ending the year strong I say. There are a few goals that will carry on over to 2012 but I’m okay with that. I didn’t make any moves with my acting career, nor did I do any dancing but there is always next year. I’m not going to try and rush and fake an effort. I have been successful with my weight loss and I am going to end the year happy and proud.

Tomorrow I should go running but I have a lot of things to do before the holiday. I’m not sure if I told you all but I’m running a 5 mile race on Thanksgiving. I wanted to do something besides sit and wait for my food coma. I will probably blog again and I will probably say this again but I want to thank every single person who has ever read my blog. It inspires me so much. Every comment fills my heart with happiness and it has kept me going. Thank you, thank you, thank you! My grammar probably offends but hopefully you got a piece of my spirit.

Day 319

Oh you guys today was a doozy! I mean, it was seriously a tough day. I sometimes think I brag a little too much. I mean, I hear it and right after I say it I think, wow that was a little much. I have this need for validation and I’m slowly trying to let it go but it’s a big challenge. However, I’m going to have to say this because I kicked so much ass today, I just can’t keep it in. I’ve had so many behavior victories this week that if I could put myself on a chair and have four of me carry me around with a crown, I would. That’s how proud of myself I am. I am using exercise as my outlet and I’ve been tracking accurately. I ate all my weekly points by Monday but I haven’t given up and I’m back in the positive. Today could’ve been a pizza ordering day where I skipped the gym, then pouted for the rest of night for feeling like a failure. If any night could’ve been the night, it was tonight. I didn’t though, instead I ran in the rain so I could make it to my body conditioning class. Thank you thank you thank you sweet Jesus for being by my side because I didn’t do this without you.

Tomorrow I am taking the day off from exercise. I will continue to track what I eat and I will not reward myself for all the exercise I’ve done this week.

Day 317

Oh lord, lord, lord. I done almost died tonight. This class was so hard that I had to stop quite a few times. I went to body conditioning and it’s been a few weeks since I’ve gone and geez louise it was tough. It seems that everyone has gotten the word about this instructor because the class was packed. Then after class I got on the treadmill and ran a mile. I am so glad that I reinstated my gym membership; it would have been a big mistake to cancel it. Tomorrow I will track what I eat and do some active play with Adjei. Did I mention that I’m ending this year like a champ?

Day 315

I weighed in today and I lost 1.6 pounds. I am very pleased with that because last night I had a nasty snack fest. I probably lost 3 pounds but gained the 1 1/2 overnight. Today in my meeting there were a few girls talking about how the final picture of goal just seemed so far away and it was discouraging to keep going when the weight was coming off so slowly. I remember how that felt because when I first started with WW I was 57 pounds heavier and goal just seemed like it might or might not happen. The way I stay motivated is by setting small goals, hell sometimes daily goals, because those are attainable. My leader then spoke about her four triangles of goals; they were: food goals, activity goals, behavior goals, and support goals. This of course is a new challenge and new challenges excite me. So here are my goals for the week:

Food: Plan my after dinner snack: Tea, apple, and a laughing cow wedge.
Activity: Increase my running goal to 40 minutes 4x a week.
Behavior: Have a cup of tea before I want to snack. I usually do some stress eating late at night and I really want to change that behavior.
Support: Blog

Tomorrow I’m going to run the Williamsburg Bridge. I will also grill a ton of veggies and make something new and yummy. I made a chicken pot pie from scratch today and it totally wow’d Ellison. It was pretty darn good and extremely filling. Now I have to plug in the points. Oy ve! Oh the update on if I went on the run with the running group: no I did not. Maybe next Saturday. One more thing, I’m having my green ginger tea right now.

Day 314

So today i’m going to say that I had a successful day even though my eating was not good. Lets start with what went wrong in the eating category. So this morning was very stressful because Adjei and I woke up at 4:00 a.m. and neither one of us could go back to sleep. The day started poorly and my eating reflected it. I did good by choosing oatmeal for breakfast but then an hour later, I had the leftover white rice from the night before. Now comes the evening where I really screwed up. I was hungry but not really hungry. I only had one point left for the day so anytime I’m left with no points, I want to eat everything. Plus on Friday I feel this need to order pizza because it’s Friday and that’s what I do on Fridays. It’s funny because that’s what my family did growing up. We never went out to eat but we had pizza every Friday, almost like a reward for getting through the week. Well, I’ve carried on this tradition. Tonight I decided not to get pizza and I think I secretly resented that so I snacked a whopping 18 points on nada! Oh well, I’ll move on.

So here’s where my proud moment comes in. I was feeling really stressed and short tempered this morning and I knew the day was going to get worse if I didn’t change it. I decided to take Adjei to they gym and he stayed in the daycare while I ran three miles. I felt great and Adjei’s mood improved too. I’m really proud of this because I’m funny about changing my routine. This week, I completed three great workouts and they were all different from my regular routine. Tomorrow is my weigh in and I still think I will pull in a loss. I only tracked four days this week but I think I did pretty good. I’m thinking of going on a run with the running group I joined. I want to go because the thought of it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I haven’t gone yet because new groups make me uncomfortable. So we’ll see.

Day 312

I’m determined to end this year with a bang and so far I’m doing pretty darn good. I went to the gym tonight and I ran three miles. It was really tough because I was so tired and it’s hard to go to the gym after 7:30; who has the motivation for that? After just five minutes of running I was ready to stop but I kept telling myself to push through. Then after 15 minutes, I wanted to stop again but I kept going. I ended up doing three miles in thirty minutes. I’m really proud of myself. My eating has been good. I want a loss this week. Tomorrow I will do some work on my arms at home and I will track what I eat.

Day 310

Today was a very successful day. I am off the merry go round and I am moving! I am ready to move forward with more weight loss. I feel really good and I’m paying attention to my choices. Not just food choice but also my habits. Tonight I had a small dinner that totally satisfied me but I wanted to eat some leftover pizza we had. I even went as far as heating the pizza up but instead I saved it for Ellison.

Ellison had to work late tonight so I wasn’t able to go to my amazing body conditioning class. I was sad about it because for the first time in a long time, I was motivated to kick some tail. I was going to bag the gym but then I thought that I really needed to push through this habit of not working out when any little obstacle comes my way. So I decided to go to the gym and run. When Ellison came home I greeted him with a big smile, kiss, and hug. He apologized because he know’s how much I love my body conditioning class and I said “no problem, I’ll go run.” Hello, this is not Theresa. Well it is now and I went to the gym and I ran three miles. I was determined to run 3 miles because last week I was running two miles and I wanted to step up my training. So I’m running on the treadmill and at mile two I really want to stop and walk but I keep telling myself “push through” and I did. So now I’m a sweaty mess and I feel fantastic. Tomorrow I will track what I eat and have a chill day with Adjei. Oh I almost forgot, I called today and had my gym membership reinstated. I realized I was kidding myself for thinking I would exercise on my own. I need the gym.

Day 309

So I’ve been so lazy with my blogging. Sorry! My blog is usually the last thing I do before I go to bed and I’ve just been unmotivated to push through the tiredness. My Weight Watchers meeting on Saturday was really inspiring. We were talking about pushing through pain or discomfort. My leader was saying that she doesn’t want us to be comfortable. I agree with her because if I’m comfortable, it’s usually because I’m not working on myself. Improving yourself takes work and it’s not easy. Every time I have a good workout, there’s always that moment when I want to say “F this, I’d rather be fat!” However, when I push through the pain, the feeling after is amazing. It’s the same with pushing past a craving. If you think about it, the urge or craving is usually just a moment. So think about that when you want to quit a workout or eat something that will make you feel bad, push through!

I had a fantastic eating day today. Last night Ellison and I had a date night and we went to this amazing barbecue place called Fette Sau. It was good but it’s been so long since I’ve had really fattening food that I felt nauseous afterwards. I didn’t feel full because I didn’t overeat but it was a lot of fat. I even had nightmares about my arteries clogging. I know, very dramatic. Well the good news is I was determined to eat healthy today and I did. Only 31 points! I feel totally ready to get off this cycle of half ass. I am saying this confidentially “I am ready to lose more weight and put my best foot forward!” I think we have to stay on this circle for awhile before we’re ready to move forward. Tomorrow I will eat healthy and mindfully and I will also get some exercise in. I will also continue to track. I want to look forward to my weigh in on Saturday!

Day 305

So I finally did my run. Woo Hoo! I was really close to not going to the gym. I did not want to leave because Adjei was crying and I wasn’t really motivated anyway but I kept repeating my mantra, “you’re a better wife and mommy when you take care of yourself.” I went to the gym with the intention of taking a body conditioning class but my regular girl wasn’t there and I didn’t feel like risking an hour on someone new. So I got on the treadmill and I ran for 20 minutes. I did a little over 2 miles and it was tough. My eating was the best its been in a few weeks, only 31 points. Today was a good day. Tomorrow I don’t have any exercise planned but I will track what I eat. I told Adjei that he and I have a race in a month that we need to get ready for. He gets so excited, so tomorrow I will probably do some “training” with him.

Day 304

I’m disappointed to say that I did not go running. However, I did track my meals today. I didn’t go over 40 points so that should count for something, right? I posted a recent picture on Facebook and I have to say that all the comments made me feel so good. You know when you have a goal weight in mind, you don’t always see how far you’ve come. I’m glad I posted that picture because it gave me motivation to keep losing. I’m looking pretty darn good! This past weekend I was able to buy knee high boots that zip. I wore them with leggings and that was my dream outfit for the winter. So this little chugger is going to keep on chugging. Tomorrow I will either run or go to body conditioning. I will also track what I eat and look at old trackers to see what I was eating. I was smart enough to save really successful weeks.

Day 303

Good Lawd I’m tired. I’m a happy tired though. I’ve been so busy with my binky bear that I’m totally spent. Have I mentioned that I absolutely LOVE being a mom? My life has been so full lately that I just haven’t had time for losing weight. I know that sounds absolutely crazy but losing weight is a job. It takes planning, preparation and work! So I really need to shift some time back to me and my personal time. Tonight I could’ve gone to the gym but I felt guilty because I didn’t have dinner prepared and I also had three loads of clean laundry unfolded on my bed. So I stayed home and cooked dinner and Ellison and I folded all the laundry. I really should’ve gone to the gym but I hate leaving when my home is out of order. I feel like I’m not taking care of my job in the household. We all know that’s just another excuse that won the battle of me not wanting to exercise.

So this is what needs to happen. I need to get off this computer and go to bed. Then I need to set my alarm for 6:00 a.m., stretch, shower, and go for my run. I’ve cancelled a play date Adjei had for tomorrow because he and I are going to have a very low key day. We both need some down time. It’s going to be puzzles, cartoons, and the park. We will also play with our new black, glittery play-doh that our friends made for us. Thank you Jennie! :) This will give me some time to clean my mind, diet, and home. I feel better already.

Day 302

So I’ve been wanting to write for a few days now and by the time I have time or decide to make time, I’m so tired I just give myself permission not to do it. The truth is I haven’t really made writing a priority. I know it’s because I don’t feel inspired or enthusiastic about my goals and that’s why I haven’t been writing. I need to keep doing even if it’s only itty bitty because abandoning my goals are just not an option. I don’t have to be perfect but I have to do and when I don’t do 100% that’s okay because it’s better than doing nothing. You hear that Theresa, doing nothing changes nothing. By the way, I love you and I love your lips. Am I hitting on myself? I do, sometimes I really like my mouth especially with my new red lipstick. I have to take a picture. Hot!

I went to my WW meeting yesterday and I lost 1.6 pounds. I really want to be 160 by the end of the year. So that means I have 13 pounds to lose. I also have to start running because I signed up for a 5 mile race and there’s no way I can wing that. I don’t want to walk the last two miles, plus I’ve never gone running in this cold. Ay lord help me. Well that’s all I got tonight. Tomorrow I will go to body conditioning because it’s the last week I have my gym membership. I will also track what I eat and stay within a decent point range.

Day 297

Today I signed up for a running club in my neighborhood and I also signed up for a 5 mile race. I need some motivation and I also need something new because I’m bored with the gym. Food is still a problem but at least I do good for the first half of the day. I will keep trying and hopefully now that B-Face is here, I will slowly get back to normal. Cravings are a motha and PMS cravings are the worse! Tomorrow I will track what I eat and I race my boo bear for exercise.

Day 296

I was just about to write my blog and I was going to say that I didn’t track but I probably didn’t do so bad. However, I decided that was BS and that I needed to track everything before I blogged so I could be sure and guess what? I ate a lot of points. I totally fooled myself into thinking everything I ate was not that bad. I even snacked on Smart Booty which is a “healthy” cheeto and 1 oz is 4 damn points. Then I drank a double hot chocolate thinking it was a better alternative than having a candy bar. The hot chocolate was 6 points! I’m so glad I tracked today because now I have a real start. I know where I am at so I can let it go and start new tomorrow. I also need to start up with exercising again. I didn’t go to body conditioning tonight because I didn’t want to go and my lack of motivation won. Everyday is new day to do better so tomorrow I will do better.

Day 294

The past three months have been incredibly difficult for me to lose weight. I haven’t been using the WW tools as well I could be, except for going to the meetings. Well, I was looking at my weight tracker and realized that over the past three months, I’m only up 3 pounds. It’s crazy how much more weight we carry in our mind than our bodies. So I felt really happy because had I not been mindful at all, I could have easily put on 10-20 pounds.

I feel incredibly inspired by some girlfriends to commit to running again. I am playing with the idea to do the half marathon in March. I am really petrified to do it because I’ve never run more than 4 miles. I’m not committing to it just yet but the door isn’t shut either. Tomorrow I commit to tracking, blogging, and jogging.

Day 291

So my baby boy is taking a nap and after inhaling a half a bottle of pine-sol from scrubbing my bathroom, I feel very clear minded. One of my favorite smells is pine-sol and beans. Too bad I don’t have a pressure cooker because I would probably be making beans. I remember growing up and coming home to a clean house that smelled like pine sol and cooking beans. The comal was on the stove and my Tootsie was making homemade tortillas. I can still see my kitchen on Sapphire. I was called the sapphire witch by my neighbors, they must have known something I didn’t. I still take pride in that name. Anyway, as I was scrubbing my tub I was thinking about how I’m always anticipating what’s going to happen next. How long is it going to take me to lose 20 pounds? Is my son going to excel in school? Am I going to be able to afford a bigger home? Will I have to work for the rest of my life? Am I living out my full potential? And it keeps going and going. I think a lot of us dwell on the future and once we get there, we dwell on how good things were in the past. Isn’t that funny? So as I was scrubbing my tub I was feeling so incredibly humble and grateful that it seriously brought me to tears. It could’ve been that I was high on the fumes from the chemicals but I felt so blessed. I think everyone should seek the grace of appreciating every single moment. How lucky are we that we still have life? You know, the news and politics have most of us feeling so uncertain, angry, and insecure but do you notice that when tragedy hits, we’re all united? Why does it have to be like that? I mean I could go into my conspiracy theory’s but that would just make me sound crazy and angry and I’m kind of feeling the love right now.

So with all that said, I haven’t been tracking this week and I feel a little off track with my eating. I know it’s because the weather is getting cold and I want to cozy up with pie but I really need to keep focused on what makes me feel happy and it’s not peach pie. Well peach pie does make me happy but not everyday. I’m going to try to track what I’ve had to eat today and continue to track tomorrow. I won’t be going to the gym today because I have a condo meeting. Tomorrow I’m going to try to do something different and physical with my boo bear.

Day 289

Sorry I haven’t spoken to you all in awhile. I’ve been really busy and by the time I have some time at night to write, I’m just too tired. Everything is going good. I had a very indulgent weekend but every calorie was worth eating. Sunday I managed to pull it together and I started my day very healthy. I had my energy boosting breakfast of champions: fat free greek yogurt, blueberries, and organic sugar free bran cereal. Ellison, Adjei, and I went to the flea market in Williamsburg and we had a blast. I resisted the freshly made donuts and instead had a health shake. The shake was called a skin cleanse and it was really good. It had aloe,spinach,cucumber,carrots, and an apple. There was no added juice or sugar and I really enjoyed it.

I’ve had a good eating day today and I also went to body conditioning and worked my tail off. I was also so productive with my business and my mom stuff that I just feel like super woman. So I’m feeling good and grateful and I’m hoping to carry this momentum to the rest of the week.

Day 285

I am such an emotional eater, it’s ridiculous. I did not sleep very well last night and I am so tired today. I had a good day with Adjei but I feel so short tempered right now I just want the weekend to come. I’m so grateful for my Saturday mornings because I get a good 4 hours to myself to do whatever I want. Today I ate 51 points but it was all accurately tracked. I still have some weekly points and all my activity points so I know I will have a loss. Tomorrow I will go for a run and I’m going to try to do three miles. I also want to end my WW week on a good note. I don’t want to eat like a pig and retain water right before my weigh in. I will end my week like I started. I will plan my meals and do my best to not go over 29 points.

Day 284

Another good day! I tracked all my points and I still have 26 weekly points and 20 activity points left for the week. Tracking can be such a pain sometimes but I am always successful when I track because I have eating amnesia. I really need to keep this up because I feel so good. I went to body conditioning tonight and it was a great workout. It wasn’t as intense as Monday but I still broke a pretty nasty sweat. Tomorrow I will take a break from cardio but I will do some ab work.

Day 283

Today was a great but exhausting day. I’m so extremely tired. I did good with my eating today. I had more points than yesterday but I tracked and measured everything. I didn’t wake up early enough to go on my run but I did a lot of walking. I made a semi homemade pizza tonight and I put all the ingredients into WW recipe builder online. I usually estimate the points of pizza, so it was nice to know how much each slice was. Tomorrow I will track what I eat and I will also go to body conditioning.

Day 282

Well I’m not going to get too cocky but I think I’ve got my mojo back with diet and exercise. Tonight I only ate 28 points and since I’ve had a lot of fruit today, I don’t feel like I have to eat my last point. I went to body conditioning tonight and it was so intense I almost threw up. It was really really tough. I was proud of myself for going because I almost talked myself out of it at least three times. I am really grateful to be doing so well. Now I just need to stay away from my trigger foods which is mostly sugar. At least for now until I’m strong enough to portion it. This was what I had today:

2 Trader Joe’s Chicken Sausage (3 points per link)
Mission whole wheat soft taco tortilla (3 Points)
Grilled Peppers and onions with 2 tsp of olive oil (2 points)
Reduced fat sour cream 2 tbsp (1 point)
Fat free plain greek yogurt 1 cup (3 points)
Frozen unsweetened blueberries 1 cup (0)
Organic bran cereal sugar free 1/2 cup (2 points)
1 Egg (2 points)
2 egg whites (1 point)
fat free cheese slice (1)
english muffin (3)
1/2 tbsp butter (1)
1/2 tbsp peanut butter (3)
2 bananas (0)
2 apples (0)

Tomorrow I will either walk or run, it depends on my mood. I will continue to track what I eat and make healthy choices.

Day 281

Well I had another good eating day but I’m starving. It’s starting to feel like the very first week I was ever on weight watchers. I had 33 points today. The week is certainly off to a great start. Now I just need to continue the momentum even if the week gets really busy. Tomorrow I will continue to track and I will also go for a run or body conditioning.

Day 280

Today was an incredible day. Everything was balanced and easy and amazing. I woke up this morning and decided to skip my WW meeting because it would mean we would get a late start to our day. We got a zip car so we could take Adjei apple picking. I made everyone breakfast and packed lunch and snacks for all of us. I tracked all my points in the car before I ate anything. I made sure I planned my meals for the day so I could have at least 9 points left for dinner. Adjei absolutely hates driving so about 20 minutes away from the apple picking farm, we had to take a break because my baby was hysterical. We decided to get off at an exit that had an arrow to a Burger King. It said that it had a play area so we thought it would be good. So we get off at the exit and you would think the damn BK would be on a corner. No, this BK was deep into this quaint little town. As we are driving and getting farther away from the highway, Ellison and I are both getting so angry and frustrated because there is no BK. Finally, Ellison stops the car in this downtown little area with shops and we get out so Adjei can walk. We go to a frozen yogurt place and it’s just adorable. Ellison and Adjei have frozen yogurt, I choose to have my banana instead. The owner of the yogurt place tells me of this really amazing farm that’s close by, so we decide to change our plans and go there. The farm was amazing and we all had a blast. My point of this extra long paragraph is that sometimes the road we didn’t intend on ends up being more amazing than the one we planned. If we go with changes and detours with a positive attitude and child like curiosity, it can lead to really fantastic places.

So I made my dinner and it was only 8 points and I was completely satisfied. Now here is where the story gets good. It was about 45 minutes after I ate I thought to myself, “it’s been an incredible day, what’s missing?” I realized I didn’t really exercise. Okay, now I never exercise after I’ve had dinner. It’s like my best excuse on the planet to say, “oh I’ve already had dinner and it’s too late and I’ll get sick if I work out on a full stomach.” Not tonight! It was so easy and natural for me to put my running clothes on and just go. I went out and it was almost dark and I ran 2 1/2 miles without stopping. The song “chasing pavements” by Adele came on and this song took on a whole new meaning for me. It was like I was using this song to talk to my goals. I felt powerful. Then 50 cents’ “I get money” came on and my inner chola came out and I was on fire. So this is the first time in MONTHS that I did not go over my 29 points. Go ahead and say it, “I’m da bomb!”

Goals for tomorrow:
Track
Plan my meals
Clean House
Walk/Run

Day 279

I hate blogging when I don’t follow through. However, I know that the minute I give myself a break to stop trying, I become complacent with being uncomfortable. I will not give up. I must, I must, I must increase my persistence. Yes, I know bad joke but I love bad jokes. I know what will get me back on track but now I feel intimidated by working out. I feel like I am out of shape again, which is not true; it’s only been a few weeks since I’ve worked out but in my mind it feels so hard to start up again. I’m not lazy, I’m strong. Laziness is passive aggressive behavior from fear. Don’t stop, don’t give up. I have to start and I have to commit or nothing will change. Theresa, what can I say to you to get you started again. I know, you respond best to compliments and validation. Okay, here it goes:

You are down 55 pounds, you sexy little fire cracker! You are sincere and authentic and people who know you, love you. You are generous and loving and if I were not you, I would want to be your best friend, truly! You secretly make me laugh almost as much as tootsie. I love you because you are so incredibly awesome to be around and if I have to be with someone all day, everyday, I’m glad it’s you. Now, effin get back to YOU!

Love, yours truly.

Day 278

I just want to say I feel bloody fantastic. However, my eating is just effin terrible. I am having a difficult time staying within my points and I haven’t tracked today. So you know what that means right? I try again Tomorrow (best Oprah shout)! I am just so happy lately. I was touched, just like the rest of the world, about Steve Jobs passing. I had never seen the commencement speech he gave at a Stanford graduation; well I saw it on the news today and it was really moving. He said exactly what I was feeling at the beginning of this year. I was at a great company, with great people, nice salary, but I felt like I was not living my life. Leaving the security I had was another brave moment in my life that I will always look back on and feel incredibly proud. It has been financially challenging but I have never been happier. I am dependent on my faith and I will continue to follow my instincts. Thank you God! I am inspired by Steve Jobs and grateful for his contribution because my Mac is my little lady. I love writing on it and I love playing on it too. Tomorrow I will do better with my eating. I will only eat 31 points....JUST 31 POINTS Theresa! One more thing, I cancelled my gym membership because I need to cut some amenities from my finances. I will focus on committing to exercise even if it’s a walk, dvd, on demand, or a run.

Day 276

I really just want this cold to go away. It’s now moving to my chest so I’m developing a cough. I haven’t been able to workout and I feel chest heavy and not the kind I like. I feel like my shoulders are getting beefy. Tomorrow I’m going to hear someone speak on how to get into a good public NYC school. I need all the help I can get because I’m not sure I will be able to afford private school and I really want the best for my son. If I don’t advocate for the best education for my son, who will? Oh I tracked every bite today and it was a dreadful picture but at least I know. I will do better tomorrow and I hope to get some exercise in too.

Day 275

So I’m getting ready to take NyQuil so I can sleep. I did okay today with my eating; I tracked everything and I entered two recipes in the recipe builder. I made chocolate chip cookies and although I cut the butter and sugar in half, the damn things were still 3 points each. Beware of homemade cookies! They taste delicious but they are more fattening than chips ahoy. I don’t advocate chips ahoy because it’s all junk and processed but I cut half the sugar and butter from a regular recipe. Imagine people who make amazing cookies? There is probably no cutting and if there are nuts, you’re looking at a 6 point small cookie. At least I know the point value every time I eat one of these little devils. I didn’t go to body conditioning because I still feel pretty crappy. I really want to go for run tomorrow because I’m out of my weekly points so i have to earn activity points. Anyways.....(Buque style)TTFN!

Day 274

Well I’m ending the weekend with 16 weekly points and 4 activity points left. I am extremely proud of myself for tracking every bite. I feel like caca so it’s been easier to not over eat but hell, I’ll take it. I’m really hoping I feel good enough tomorrow night to go to body conditioning. This cold subsides and then it creeps up on me and knocks me out. It feels so good to track and have some control over my eating. I even made a lasagna tonight and I put every ingredient in my recipe builder and I portioned it out so I could track the points. Yes, I am going to lose 15 pounds before the end of the year.

Day 273

The first day of the last quarter of the year. Most companies are giving major pep talks to their employees to get everyone to end the year big. Well that’s what I want to do, well maybe not big, but small. I’ve had a rough few months with eating and I just really want to end the year like I started. Today I’ve done really good. I tracked everything I’ve had to eat and although it was 44 points, it’s all accounted for. I’m feeling pretty sick today so i didn’t exercise but that’s okay.

Today in our meeting we discussed why we all want to lose the weight. I want to share all the answers because I think we can all relate to this. I actually took a picture of her flip board:

Health, look better, no pity, enjoy being in my body, forward movement, kids, live longer, feel better, change family history, be happy, proactive in our society, not embarrass my kids, clothes fitting, shop at regular stores, no XXL, self esteem, confidence, be in control, to not have a weight issue, lose medications, and to inspire others.

I started to reflect on how important getting to my goal weight is to me. Over the last few months I’ve put on 7 pounds. I don’t want to gain anymore. In fact, I want to lose 15 pounds before the end of the year. I know I can do this. I have to remember why I let the tools that helped me be successful go, then I have to push myself to get over this hump and do the work. NO ONE CAN DO THE WORK FOR ME. I have to be the one to track what I eat, I am the one that chooses what goes into my mouth, and I have to be the one to motivate myself to exercise. Well today was a good start and I WILL continue this and I WILL be successful.

Day 269

Pooped de Pooped! Na na na na Pooped de Pooped! I’m singing this but i’m so tired I can’t remember the television show I stole the melody from. It’s going to drive me crazy but Ellison will know when I sing it to him when he gets home. Some good things happened today. I went to my favorite gourmet food store Zabars and got some of my favorite coffee. I started to get really grumpy because they have incredible, I mean incredible bread and baked goods and I wanted so much to buy chocolate babka, rosemary bread, rugelach, croissants, bagels...everything!! Okay the good thing that happened is I left with just the coffee. I’ve also adjusted my workout schedule to make my life easier and my conscious less guilty. Instead of trying to work out five times a week, I’m only going to commit to three times a week. The other days I can walk or play or ride my bike leisurely. I am focusing on my eating and career. Tomorrow I will track what I eat and go to body conditioning.

Day 268

I went to body conditioning and I am so proud of myself. Tonight I really, REALLY didn’t want to go. My little boo bear was saying “please mommy don’t go to the play gym.” So I lied to him and told him I was just taking the trash down and his little face says “you’re just going to do laundry, you’re coming right back?” I mean I just wanted so badly to stay or take him for a walk but I forced myself to go. I was even on the platform of the subway and I was seconds from walking back home. I kept telling myself “Theresa, you’re a better mother when you take care of yourself.” It was tough. Class was really just so damn hard too that I was struggling. I got through it and when I got home Adjei was peacefully sleeping.

My eating is getting a little better. I made the WW three bean chili and it came out really good. I also bought some healthy staples that will get me through the week. Now I need to stick to my commitment to tracking. I always have intentions of tracking but then I get so busy and I forget; I need to keep a notebook or take a picture of what I eat so I can track later. Tomorrow I will plan my meals and track what I eat. I will also enjoy my time with my family and live in a happy place. Thank you lord for the grace you’ve given me. I feel so positive and happy lately and I just want to share it with the world. One more thing. Did you all catch Terra Nova?! Love it. Oh one more thing...I’m on a Queen kick tonight; they seriously light my fire.

Day 267

So you guys I can’t believe how hard I’ve worked today. I have shifted from exercise and eating being my focus, to focusing more on relationships and my career. I can be very tunnel vision so I’m okay with that. Today I tweaked my resume because I’m hoping to find a very flexible job. I feel really positive that something fantastic will come my way. I also worked on a school project for Adjei’s play school. I was so blessed to hook up with some amazing moms and we started our own pre-school for our kids two days a week and tomorrow is my lesson. I’m doing an exercise on feelings and of course I want to do some dramatic play. One more thing. I prayed so much this weekend because instead of going to the gym I walked a LOT. It was so nice. Tomorrow is going to be very busy but I will handle it all with grace. I will also track what I eat and bust a tail feather at body conditioning.

Day 266

Today was a really amazing day and confirmation that all the choices I’ve made this year and my entire life, good and bad, have lead to a lot of happiness. I went to WW today and I stayed the same weight, which was a great accomplishment because we all know I’ve been eating my feelings. My leader, who by the way is hosting with Dr. Oz on Monday, was on fire today. This woman (Liz) is just a really incredible woman. She shared something personal with us today. She told us that when one of her best friends died of Leukemia she decided she wasn’t going to live another day doing things she didn’t like. So she left her job and became a WW leader and now a prominant figure with the WW brand.

After WW I usually go to my Zumba class but there was a sub, who I really don’t like, so I decided to walk home to Brooklyn and call as many people as I love. I spoke to my mom, two brothers, my cousin Karen and my cousin Kate. I have an incredible story about how powerful our words are. I actually have many but I will share one that blew my mind today. My cousin Kate is also an actress and she moved to Brooklyn two years ago. Last year we spent Thanksgiving together and she told me “Theresa I’m going to be on Boardwalk Empire.” She hadn’t been cast but she said she was going to get on that show and I believed her. Well fast forward to today and she and I are catching up and I’m apologizing for missing her show last weekend and she tells me not to worry because there will be much more (I love her assurance). So then I tell her (to confirm my belief in what she told me a year ago) that I will probably be seeing her on Boardwalk anyway. Then she starts talking about the show and I will probably see a lot more of her blah blah blah; I don’t understand fully what she’s talking about and then it occurs to me that she is ON BOARDWALK. So I ask her “Kate did you get on Boardwalk Empire?” And she says “Oh my god, I didn’t tell you?!” My cousin is going to be on Boardwalk Empire and I couldn’t be more proud of her. So the moral of this story is our words are really powerful and what we say we are going to do can happen. It may not be tomorrow, or next year, but it can happen. So I beg you to think and speak positive because life is so awesome.

Day 265

Today was great day. There is a lot of uncertainty with the economy and I’m certainly feeling it in my household but I’m not going to let it deter me from my goals. I’ve been enjoying my family more than ever and I feel extremely optimistic for the future. I tracked half of my day but I will do even better tomorrow. I didn’t go for my run but I will go to Zumba tomorrow. Tomorrow is also my weight watchers meeting and I’m really looking forward to it; the meetings always motivates me. Can you believe there are only 100 days left of 2011?! What a fantastic year!

Day 264

Today was a great day. It’s my boo bear’s birthday and I'm just filled with so much gratitude. Although, there are some challenges going on in my life, I’m forcing myself to stay positive. I’ve been humbled lately with my finances but I feel excited to simplify my life. My eating is awful. It’s really bad but I know how to make it better and I’m the only one who can control what I put in my mouth. I need to get back on track because I’m in the state where I don’t care and I get comfort from eating whatever I want without remorse. This is not a good place for me to be because it will hurt me in the long run. I’ve also only exercised once this week and again I took comfort in choosing not to work out. I can’t give up on my goals. I have to stay focused and just work harder. Tomorrow I will go for a 30 minute walk/run and I will track what I eat.

Day 263

So it’s hard to believe that three years ago tonight I was in labor with my precious little boy. At this time three years ago I was sitting on my birthing ball in my house enduring some serious pain. Ellison was rubbing my back and I was trying to watch a movie but I could barely concentrate. By this time I had been having early labor pains since 6 o’clock in the morning. I believe I called my doctor at around 10:00 p.m. because I was having contractions every six minutes, lasting almost a full minute, for a full hour. He asked me if I felt I needed to come into the hospital and I told him I could probably go another few hours at home. At about 1:00 a.m. the pain was really intense so I asked Ellison to take me to the hospital. We rented a car for two weeks, so luckily we had a car. I remember driving through the Midtown tunnel thinking how I just needed to make it to the hospital so I could get drugs. When we got to the hospital we had to park in a parking garage and I could barely walk. Then we go through the emergency entrance and there is another woman in labor and she’s screaming. They run and get her a wheelchair but I’m still walking. It was weird but as soon as I walked into the hospital I didn’t feel any pain anymore. So we go to the maternity ward and there is just me and the other girl. I check in and the girl looks at me like “oh first time mom, she’s probably going to be sent home.” During this time this other girl is screaming and totally freaking me out. So even though I was first they took her in. Again, I’m still not feeling any pain. I finally get called to be checked and I’m swearing to the doctor on duty that I was feeling contractions every 5-6 minutes, for a full hour, for one full minute! She checks me and I see her counting to the sky...1, 2, 3, 4. “You’re four centimeters, we’re checking you in.” I was soooo happy!!! One of my biggest fears was that I would be too afraid to deliver a baby and that I just wouldn’t be able to do it. Well I have never been happier in my life. I didn’t even care that this woman was practically fisting me. A nurse came in and asked me if I wanted an epidural and I was very chipper and said “no, I’m actually fine!” Wrong! Literally after I said no, the pain just came right the hell back. Then all the nurses are nowhere to be found and the anesthesiologist is “coming” but never comes. Well seven centimeters later and a lot of screaming, “You’re trying to make me have this baby NATURAL!” I got my epidural. Fast forward to 12:59 p.m., September 22nd 2008 my little soul mate was born. My beautiful, feisty, confident, fast, smart, stubborn little boy was born. Thank you Jesus! He is the reason I breath and I am so blessed that I get to be his mommy.

I will work really hard to stay positive and I will work really hard to take care of myself because I know the best gift I can give him is a happy mommy. I love you Adjei!

Day 260

Hi Guys, I wasn’t going to blog tonight because I am not feeling good about my choices over the weekend. There have been some changes in my household and it has me scared but also motivated all at the same time. I don’t want to go into detail about that but change and uncertainty gives me anxiety. I really need to put all my energy in what makes me feel great. The first thing is: eat healthy power foods such as lean protein, fruit, whole grains, and lots of vegetables. The second thing I need to do is: cut out sugar and alcohol so there are no spikes in my mood. The third thing I need to do is exercise with a vengeance. The fourth thing I need to do is: keep moving with action towards my career goals. Finally, I need to give it ALL to God and have faith. I leave you with a scripture from the bible. It’s from Matthew 17:20 (New International Version 1984) He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Amazing.

Day 257

I almost didn’t track the whole day today because I was afraid of the number. I knew it was going to be bad and now I’m disgusted with myself because I ate 61 points. However, on the positive side, at least I tracked it all. I’m still within my points for the week so I anticipate a loss this week. All positive right? Tomorrow I’m going for a run and I’m going to try to run over the Williamsburg Bridge and back. I believe it’s 6 miles. I will probably walk a good part of it but it would be a huge accomplishment if I at least go. I’ve been doing some running on the treadmill and I find it so much easier. I’m not very good at pacing myself outside so I tire out easily; I need to work on that. Ten pounds before Thanksgiving!! I will lose 10 pounds before Thanksgiving!

Day 256

This morning I woke up extremely tired and moody. I tried to fake it but sometimes that only makes it worse because I come across condescending. I had my breakfast which wasn’t great. I had two toasts, one with butter, and the other with peanut butter. I also served my son pasta and took a few bites for myself. Really not a great start health wise. Adjei was also grumpy and I noticed that his behavior was a mirror image of mine. Whenever Adjei acts out or is angry, I always tell him to reset and lets start over. I told him I had reset buttons installed in my earlobes and whenever I want to change my attitude to a positive one, I press the buttons. I told him that he has the same buttons as mommy. So we both reset our buttons. Adjei got so excited and kept telling me to press his buttons.

I looked at this for myself and I realized that I needed to address right away what would contribute to bad choices and a bad attitude. So right now I’m choosing to reset my buttons and change the direction of my day. I made an important business call so it wouldn’t haunt me all day; and I also drank a big glass of water and took my vitamin. I am choosing a positive day today. Whatever comes my way that may deter me, I will remember this commitment to being positive. Tonight is body conditioning and I will also track what I eat beginning with the toast and pasta bites.

Day 255

So I realized that I have two months to lose at least 10 pounds. I know that once Thanksgiving is here I’m not going to be too focused on losing weight. I’ll probably be fine with just staying the same because who wants to behave around the holidays? I had a great workout last night. This girl who was a smilier weight as me was wearing a heart monitor and she told me she burned 420 calories. I expected the class to be more because it’s so hard but I’ll take it. I’ve been doing good with tracking but not perfect. I need to focus on tracking better at night; that’s usually when my eating goes down hill too. Tomorrow I will go to body conditioning and I will also continue to track.

Day 254

I woke up today feeling really positive. Yesterday was a good day with my food choices and I also went for a bike ride with Adjei and Ellison. Ellison and I even got a little silly on the playground. I try so hard to be a better person for my son, specifically with my diet; I just don’t want him to struggle with weight like I have my entire life. The truth is, it’s the small things we do with our kids like playing outside with them or reaching for an apple instead of chips, that make the most impact. I’ve said this before but little changes, change the world. When we do just a little bit better with ourselves, it impacts the entire world.

I started my morning with blueberries, yogurt, bran cereal, and coffee. I am about to track what I had for dinner last night and I will continue to track today. Going forward I will always emphasize the positive. Negative self talk just isn’t helpful and why should I treat myself worse than I would a stranger. I am a child of God and everything God creates is beautiful, therefore, I AM BEAUTIFUL!

Day 252

Who’s your Mama?! I am a BEAST!! Today I nearly fought myself because I’m such a bad ass. So this morning I got up early and rode my bike from Williamsburg Brooklyn to Midtown Manhattan for my WW meeting. I gained 1.4 but I didn’t care because I couldn’t believe I just rode my bike through the city of NY. THEN I rode my bike to Union Square to go to my Zumba class. We had a sub and she wasn’t very good so I left early and ran two miles on the treadmill between a 5.8 and 7.0. I really could’ve gone longer but when I have it in my head that I’m only running two miles, I stop at two miles. Finally, I rode my bike back to Brooklyn. I feel TEEERRIFIC! We are capable of so much when we push ourselves to do a little more than we think we can. So right now I’m totally rapping hard to “Look at me now,” nothing like letting the WestGate come out every now and then.

Tomorrow I won’t do much exercise except for walking and playing with Adjei. I also plan on grilling extra chicken and vegetables so it’s easier to stay on plan. I may even make some beans. Second wind is here!!


Day 251

Today was a good day. My eating wasn’t horrible and I was really active. I woke up too late to go running but tomorrow I will certainly go for my run. I am also going to ride my bike to my WW meeting since I’m a little nervous about the threats to NYC. I’m watching the Dateline special on 9/11 and it brings back that day so clearly. I think everyone in this country can say what they were doing on that day. I remember feeling so confused and thinking how ridiculous it was that someone would accidentally fly a plane into the World Trade Center. At the time everyone thought it was a small private plane. Then when the second plane hit, we all knew that it wasn’t an accident. The company I worked for had a big screen TV upstairs so we were all watching the news coverage. I remember watching when the first tower collapsed and the entire lobby just started screaming and crying. It was complete chaos and everyone was confused and sad. I remember feeling so alone because I didn’t have anyone to walk home with; all public transportation was suspended. The city was in a daze. I will never ever forget that day. May God bless every person who dedicates their life to service, I am so humbled and grateful. To all the police officers, fire fighters, military, nurses and doctors...Thank you!

Day 250

So I’ve been in this self pity funk for the past few months but today I’m saying adios you old bitty. The truth of the matter is, when anyone in my family is in pain, I can feel it. I don’t even have to hear about it but it trickles to me and my brothers. I’ve also had a lot of fear about finances and the future. Once I get emotional, I let fear take over then every little task in life becomes overwhelming. It’s sounds crazy but I get that anxious sometimes. Today I was giving some of my amazing advice and as I was saying it, I realized that what I was saying, I needed to hear for myself. I need to deal with the emotional issue that is creeping up but then I need to keep it moving with faith and action. I also need to keep flipping the negative thoughts to positive ones. So the conclusion is, I’m ready to kick some ass again. I’ve had a phenomenal year and it can only get better. Forget regret.

Tomorrow this little vixen is running! I am running and I will run with joy and I will even do a twirl because I’m alive baby! I will also do a little online grocery shopping because it makes my life easier.

Day 249

Today was a good day because I made it only about Adjei and taking care of my home. It was actually really nice. I skipped the gym but it was worth it because I did some grocery shopping. My eating was okay but I didn’t track. I need to get focused and keep trying. I’m thinking about running a half marathon in March but I haven’t made up my mind. When I run a 5k, I’m dead at the end and that’s only 3.2 miles. When I started running I couldn’t even run a full mile without stopping, so I know I can do it if I put my mind to it. Tomorrow I am going to run two miles if it’s not pouring outside. I’m also going to start cutting out some of my trigger foods because I’ve been eating horribly and I need to make my fridge safe. No more junk and especially no more snacks like chips and cookies. I need a detox for real from all the sugar I’ve been putting into my body. Faith and Action.

Day 248

I hope you all haven’t given up on me because sometimes I feel like giving up on me and moving somewhere isolated so I can hide from responsibility. Of course I would take my family but lately I feel so overwhelmed. I need to know how to not worry. I hate to worry. There is so much going on and I can’t really control any of it but I can’t shake it. Today was a major failure, yes failure with eating. I just ate like complete crap today and this is after an amazing weekend with my Papa. I did really well with the 5k run on Sunday; my time was 31 min 47 seconds. So since I feel like I’m running in quicksand I will talk about what inspired me this week:
1. My cousin has lost 120 pounds! What an amazing achievement.
2. My dear friend is close to renting out her place and following her dream to move to NY.
3. My mom can make me laugh and smile even though she’s battling her own pain.
4. My Auntie Robyn just completed an Iron Woman and kicked ass.
5. My Papa is doing his second Triathlon this weekend.

I am love and I am good enough as I am because I am a child of God. Tomorrow I will start again and I will track and go to body conditioning. I will also not put so much weight on small things.

Day 243

I almost went to bed without blogging and tracking the dinner I ate. I didn’t do too badly considering I had dessert and tacos. I made great choices for both. I didn’t fry my corn tortillas and I opted for a small lobster tail from the local Italian bakery. My total consumption of points was 42. I feel good because I’m tracking so it makes me feel empowered to do even better tomorrow. Eating is a lot like spending; if you choose to not pay attention, shit gets out of control really fast.

Tomorrow my Papa is treating me to some custom running shoes. I can’t wait! I’m going to run on a treadmill so they can evaluate how I distribute my weight when I run. I love my Papa.

Day 242

Today was a really great day with eating and exercise. I tracked for the first time in weeks, probably months. I ate 34 points which is pretty darn good. I would love a day where I only eat 29 points. I’m not going to get cocky because I am certainly still battling bad habits. Tomorrow I will go for a short run and I will continue to track what I eat. My Papa arrives tomorrow and I am so excited. Papa is doing WW too and he’s lost 35 pounds this year. We’re running the Run to Remember 5k this weekend. I’m also going to take him to my WW meeting so he can experience one in NYC. It’s going to be a fantastic weekend.

Day 241

Today was one of those days where I could’ve of just cried and sat in my house and watched every stupid daytime talk show. I am so tired to give all the details of my day but it was really trying. I am proud of myself because I pushed through and I was extremely productive and positive. My eating was surprisingly great until I put Adjei to sleep. Then I just ate a bit of junk. I really need to stock up with chicken, fish, veggies, and fruit. I do really well when my fridge is stocked with healthy options. I’ve also eaten all the junk in the house so there’s nothing left to tempt me. Tomorrow I am going to really focus on tracking. I also have body conditioning so that will get me focused too.

Day 240

So it's been five days since I've written and I swear it felt like everthing I was trying to do was falling apart. It's amazing how much power we give to fear. Well I've missed you all and It’s been way too long since we last spoke. There were a few reasons for my absence. To name a few: my mac is still broken and I hate writing on this mini something, I feel really unmotivated with anything that’s good for me because change freaks me out, and the hurricane. Irene gave me just the excuse I needed to avoid talking about how I was struggling and to stuff my face in the meantime. I hardly exercised last week; I only went to the gym once. I didn’t track one bite and I ate things that I don’t normally eat nor crave like Kit Kat bars. Not to sound like a snob but I don’t even really enjoy American chocolate that much anymore. However, I was reminded that eating junk and not exercising makes me into an angry woman. I don’t like being angry, I like being happy, positive Theresa.

Today was much better. I ate better than yesterday and I busted my tail at body conditioning. I told the instructor that I needed a picture of her. I want to make it into a button or keychain so every time I want to stuff my face, I can remember how hard I worked. She looked at me a little bit like I was crazy so I don't think she's going to give me one and now I feel weird for trying to sneak a pic with my phone. If you have any ideas for something I can physically hold to remind me of the pain of exercise, I am all ears.

So I am committed to action. I am committed to moving forward with my goals, eating healthy, and exercising because it only makes me stronger. When I am not right mind, body, and spirit everything is harder.

Day 235

Today was an extremely exhausting day and I didn’t do well with eating or exercise. I wasn’t going to write because I’m so tired and worn out and I don’t have anything inspiring to say. I’ve been feeling anxious and scared lately about the future and it’s effecting how I take care of myself. Tomorrow is a new day and I will go for a short run and I will make better eating choices.

Day 234

There is so much power in action, even the littlest steps. This morning I dragged my butt until the last minute before I went for the short run I promised myself I would go on. I even made Ellison and Adjei breakfast, which I don’t usually do for Ellison on a weekday. I was in my running clothes but again, I was not feeling it. I finally decided to go and I jogged for 11 minutes. It was probably maybe a mile. I came home and I immediately had a burst of energy and I felt so proud that I followed through with the small goal I set for the day. So for the first half of my day I was eating really healthy.
Now to my eating for the evening. Like I said, the first few meals of the day were great. Then I went to check out a few preschools and I really liked one but it was very expensive. I started to feel anxious and doubtful about the next few months. I'm acting purely on faith and that is really difficult to do. I know nothing is guaranteed but living in a financial situation where, really, there is no guarantee is really scary. I decided that all I can do is live fully with faith and keep on movin forward. So with all that said, I tried to be good for dinner and I wasn’t. I had two hotdogs and two smores. Not the worst thing I could’ve done but I have plenty of healthier options in my fridge.
Tomorrow is a new day. I will try again with my eating and I will track the full day, even if it’s painful. However, it won’t be painful because if I feel anxious or doubtful I will call people who love me. Or I will pray for someone who is in more need than me. This quote was posted at one of the preschools. Enjoy!
Quote of the Day:
He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Day 233

I am such a beast. I mean, really, I am one strong cookie. Tonight’s body conditioning class was so extremely hard. I was sweating so much that I couldn’t even do burpies because I kept slipping from the sweat dripping down my arms and the sweat on the floor. I am not exaggerating either. For a minute there I thought to myself that I never wanted to go to that class again. It was damn brutal but boy do I feel like a killer machine right now.
My eating was decent but I haven’t really tracked, so I’m not sure how good I did. When I don’t have a day with mostly vegetables, I don’t feel so good about my eating. I did have a behavior change that I’m proud of and it is:
1. Bought cookies for Adjei and had 1 cookie. I opened the bag to get a second and I said to me “No, you had enough.”

Tomorrow I’m going for a short run and I will really track what I eat.

Day 232

Oh the joys of parenthood. Today I got my pay back for using all my dad’s old albums as dj scratch albums. My son grabbed my laptop and started running with it and dropped it. Now it won’t work and I am extremely upset about it. This laptop has everything on it and I’m just praying that the hard drive is okay. I’m still extremely pissed about it.
I made really healthy smoothies this morning and they came out pretty good. I added ½ cup fat free greek yogurt, 2 stalks celery, 1 fuji apple, 1 cup spinach, ½ cup of frozen strawberries, and ½ cup of apple juice. I made it for my son because he won’t eat vegetables and he had some of it but then he said it was gross. I loved it. The behaviors I’m most proud of:
1. Healthy breakfast.
2. Passing up grabbing a slice of pizza.

Tomorrow I will be going to body conditioning and hopefully I will have time to get my mac fixed. I will also track what I eat.

Day 231

Today was a fantastic day. I had a spa day with my girlfriends at a place called Spa Castle. This place has three different floors with just about everything you need to relax. It has a room dedicated to saunas, hot tubs, napping areas, and the roof is an outdoor pool area. There is also a swim bar and plenty of food stations. It’s huge! My girlfriends and I spent most of the time on the roof just talking, laughing, and soaking up the sun. It was wonderful and the weather was absolutely gorgeous. Who would’ve thought that lounging all day would make you this tired. This gal is pooped! I made some great choices today.

1. We stopped at Duncan Donuts and I wanted to get two donuts, strawberry and boston cream, but instead I had an egg white sandwich.
2. Only had one alcoholic beverage.
3. Had fruit, salmon, and vegetables for lunch when I wanted a cheeseburger and french fries.
4. Did not indulge in ice cream, even though I wanted to.
5. Did a few exercises while I was in the pool.

Tomorrow I’m going for a run because my heel is feeling much better. I need to step up my exercise routine and stick to it. I’m feeling so good that I just really want to kick it up a notch. I will also start with tracking my meals.

Day 229

Busy busy day. Adjei and I had a play date with some new friends and he had a wonderful time. It’s also a bonus when you click with the other mommy. My eating was good until this evening, when I decided to have two frozen waffles as a snack. It’s not terrible but I had already had dinner. I didn’t go running or walking this morning because I’m lazy. Not nice but it’s true. I can’t wake up early enough to go. I just want to be perfect. Why can’t I be perfect with the exercise and eating? Okay, I’m really worn out; this blog is about to turn into a lot of nonsense if I continue to write. Tomorrow I’m hitting the gym and I will track what I eat.

Day 228

Today was spectacular! I took my boo bear to the beach and we had a blast. Adjei was so well behaved and the weather was a dream. We sat on the beach close to the water making railroads, as the waves came close enough to cover our legs, making us scream. It was special.

My eating was fantabulous. I’ve been craving olives and tomatoes a lot lately. I think it's me reminiscing about Miami. I also went to body conditioning and I hadn’t been in three weeks. The instructor kicked my tail something fierce. My legs started to feel so weak. I love waking up in the morning when I’ve had a good eating day and a hard workout. I will definitely feel a difference in my body tomorrow. I haven’t gone running because my foot has been bothering me. Tomorrow I will go for a walk and maybe do some mild jogging. I will also track what I eat.

Day 227

I went to check out a daycare for Adjei today and I liked it but it’s expensive for part time. I have to make a decision by tomorrow and my gut is telling me it’s too much money. I'm disappointed because I feel like I don't have many options. I love my little boo bear and like all parents, I want the very best for him.

My eating was plentiful and I know it’s because I’m feeling anxious about the future. I need to just relax and believe that everything is as it should be. I’m excited for body conditioning tomorrow because I know it will take some of this worry away. I also need a really intense workout to put me back on track with my eating. This is so off the subject but MacGruber is damn hilarious. I can't take it! I want to share my new breakfast with all of you. It's so filling and I have so much energy after.

My new breakfast is:
½ cup of fat free Greek yogurt
1 cup of blueberries (I buy frozen and unsweetened)
½ cup organic bran flakes

Day 226

Today was a really productive day. My eating was great and I feel like I have my stride back. I haven't had a loss in almost two months but I haven't gained either. I'm playing the up 1, down 1 game. This week is going to be a big loss because I am focused!

I have an appointment to look at a daycare tomorrow. It’s a really good daycare that I tried to get Adjei into last year but there was a two-year wait list. They have a part time opening and this just may work even better. I keep telling Adjei he is going to school and he is so excited. I feel really good about things.

I didn’t go to body conditioning tonight because my friend informed me that there was a sub that wasn’t very good. I wasn’t going to do any exercise but I went out for a nice long walk. I walked for over an hour. It felt like nothing because I talked on the phone the whole time and people watched. Tomorrow I will go running if my heal feels better. I need new running shoes because my feet have been so soar. I think E-Berg is tired of rubbing them. I will also continue to track what I eat.

Day 224

I love days like today. I worked my tail feather at Zumba, so much that I swear the instructor was challenging me to a dance off. It was pretty freakin awesome. I’m having so much fun in Zumba because I just don’t care what I look like. My eating was fantastic. I resisted my nightly chocolate craving and had frozen peaches instead. I also worked on my management company with my partner. We did some great work on our cover letter and proposal. Today was very productive.

I’ve been feeling anxious lately and I haven’t shared it because I haven’t been ready to face it. A new transition is going to happen and I am scared and doubtful. I’m about to put my boo bear back in daycare so I can start working again. My fears of a shaky economy and the uncertainty of an acting career started to feel overwhelming. I also started to think it would be great to be part of a company again and make a decent living. I thought I could pay off debt, get good health coverage, and save for a bigger home. I started to plan everything but getting my headshots and pursuing what I set off to do at the beginning of the year. The truth is I am so scared to pursue something that is uncertain. All the what if’s came back and I just want to go where it’s safe. I had a long talk with my hubby and he reminded me that everything I’ve done that scared me was hard and I always had doubts, but it propelled me to great outcomes.

So the conclusion is to finish the following so I can follow through with the acting goal:

1. Find a daycare or better a pre-school
2. Update business resume
3. Update acting resume
4. Get Headshots

Day 223

I can’t wait for my WW meeting tomorrow. I feel so ready for a new start. I’m also going to Zumba because I need a fun workout to give me some momentum. I can move forward with my goals. I am strong, confident, and brave.

Day 222

I’m seriously like a thirteen-year-old girl when I watch So You Think You Can Dance. I cry when I watch these dancers and I feel incredibly inspired. My dear old husband loves to kill my moments. I’m so envious of dancers because they can tell an entire story with just their bodies. You can feel the emotion of the dance without any words and I just love that. I really need to start going out with E berg and enjoying the art that is offered in the city. I’m art deprived. I need theatre, dance, music, film, paintings, anything!

Okay back to weight, food, exercise, and career. Blah blah blah and Blah! My eating is so damn off that I hate even mentioning it. I feel like I’m losing this battle and I’m having a hard time gaining control over it. I didn’t go running tonight because my hubby had to work too late. I should’ve gone in the morning but I didn’t wake up. So I’m not happy with that either. The one good thing that happened tonight is my son tells me “Mommy, don’t go exercise,” and said “okay lovey”, and then he says “and don’t go running.” I thought it was the coolest thing that he knows every time I leave I’m going to go workout. It just made me feel good that he is sees me as an active person and not a couch potato.

Tomorrow I will go running in the morning. I will also plan an activity between the hours of 4-6 because that’s my trigger period. It’s after Adjei’s nap and I usually give him and me a snack.

Day 221

Blogger was down last night but I saved my post.


This is really off the topic of my blog but Katie Holmes is really embarrassing on So You Think You Can Dance. What is this girl talking about? Okay back to me. My eating was crap and I know I shouldn’t, but I blame Ellison. He bought like four different types of cheeses and I just can’t control myself with cheese. I made myself a grilled cheese for dinner with at least 4oz of cheese. I’m gross. I feel a new change coming on and I know that’s why food is becoming a challenge again. Thank God I’m still exercising. Tomorrow I will go running and I will run at least two miles. I will also start again with tracking and planning my meals.

Day 220

So today was good. Although I didn’t track, my food choices were decent. I was really close to not going for a run but I was determined to get it done. I knew it would set the tone for the rest of the week. I was only able to run a mile and a half but my goal was a mile so I’m satisfied. Tomorrow I really need to track what I eat and get into the WW state of mind. This program really works for me when I’m practicing it. So there are few behavior changes I made today that I’m proud of.

1. Did not continue my vacation state of mind of eating whatever I wanted.
2. Went out for a run even though it was late and I had planned to go earlier.

Yay me!

Day 219

Hi Friends! Good lord this woman is pooped! I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve a weekend like this but it was truly privileged. I went with Carmela, the fiancé of Ellison’s BFF. Before she invited me we’d only met a couple of times but it was love at first sight. She and I had so much in common, we joked that we were like sissy’s. Well this little sweetheart invited me to her annual girlfriend trip to Miami. We stayed at the Ritz Carlton in South Beach and we were treated like royalty. I got a massage by this incredible gentlemen with a French accent that pretty much took to me to the moon and back. This was by far the best massage I’ve ever received. I’m willing to fly back to Miami just for the massage. I partied and laughed so hard. This was just truly a magical weekend. Did I mention it cost us almost nothing?! Eek! Okay, stop me if I’m bragging too much. Like I said, what did I do to deserve this?

Now back to reality and definitely back to getting this figure right. I really felt great about my body in Miami. I wore dresses every night and I didn’t feel self conscious in my bathing suit at all. Tomorrow my goals are to get focused and back into my routine. I will also start up my 5k training. I will commit to one mile tomorrow because there are quite a bit of toxins in this temple.

Day 215

I didn’t go running today, boo me. I went to bed late last night and I couldn’t wake up this morning. I don’t feel too bad because right now I’m in vacation mode. I am ready to be in Miami. I’m excited to eat, drink, dance, and bond with some new friends. I don’t think I’m going to blog because I really don’t want to think about anything but having fun. I’m not even going to take my laptop. I’m kind of going back and forth on if I should take my running shoes. I want to but I don’t want those dirty shoes on my pretty clothes. My hubby is so amazing and he worked really hard so I could go on this trip. Thanks Lovey, I see a Hangover Vegas trip in your future soon. So friends, I probably won’t talk to you until Monday. Have a wonderful weekend!

Day 214

Not much to report today. I didn’t go running because I’ve decided to follow a training schedule I found on Runners World. Thanks Melanie! So I rested today and I have to say it was nice to choose to take a day off from exercising. Tomorrow I will run two miles.

My eating today was good I think. I didn’t track but I ate like I would on a good day. Tonight I was shopping for my trip to Miami and I really wanted to get a slice of pizza but instead I came home and made a salad. I said no to a lot things today: cookies, Ritter Sport (favorite chocolate bar), pizza, and diet coke. I had all of these cravings but I didn’t have any of it. Yay me!

Day 213

Done, Done, and Almost. I got up and went running this morning and it felt great. My goal was to run a mile but I ran two. When I get up and go running it motivates me the entire day. I finished the task I needed to get done for my business and I also grilled vegetables for the rest of the week.

I signed up for The Run to Remember 5k. It’s a run dedicated to the memory of 9/11. This race means a lot to me because I remember that day so vividly and it was horrible. Since this is the 10th anniversary I really want to be part of something positive for the victims, first responders, family members, and NYC. I want to do my very best so I am going to train properly for it. Tomorrow I will go running again and since I know I can run two miles that is now the minimum. I will also try to do a better job with my eating. I was fine except for late afternoon. I still can’t shake my sweet tooth. I was better today because I had fruit but I need to do better.

Day 212

So its nights like this that I want to go to sleep and not write. I have reached my seven-year itch so to speak with this process. I am bored with WW and I’m bored with exercise. I feel pressure to start working again and I feel like I’m falling short with the projects I already have going. I know what I need to do. This is what needs to happen. I need to finish up some tasks for my management company. I need to train consistently for my next 5k in a month. I need to track what I eat so I’m accountable. Last but the most important, I need to make my prayer life number one.

Tomorrow I am going running. I will run just one mile to get the juices going. If I feel the urge to keep going, I will. I will also track what I eat and I will NOT go over my daily points. I was looking at a video blog I did when I first started trying to lose weight. Ellison was like “Wow, you’ve lost a lot of weight!” I actually saw it too. So I can’t revert back now, I’ve worked too hard.

Day 211

It’s been a busy weekend. I went on that bike ride with my boys today and it was really nice. Usually when Ellison takes Adjei on a bike ride I go running. For some reason I have it in my head that I’m not exercising unless it’s painful. We had a great time and Adjei was so excited that I was with them. I think a lot of people think exercise has to be painful but it doesn’t. As long as you get out of the house and move, that’s benefiting your body.

As far as food, I haven’t tracked this weekend but I don’t think I’ve done too badly. I’m going to start tracking again tomorrow. I’m taking my boo bear with me to get my Frida’s waxed. I remember when I worked in midtown I was always jealous of the mothers walking around the city with their babies. I use to long to be with my son and tomorrow I will push my binky down 5th Avenue. I hope he behaves. My city baby doesn’t like the subway.

Day 210

Big big sigh! I am worn out. Today was a very good day. It started off really interesting. I woke up at 6:00 a.m. and I started my pre-race ritual—Water, food, stretch, and shower. I was not rushed, Ellison was taking care of Adjei, and everything was great. I left a good hour and a half before the race started, so I had plenty of time. Mind you, I was just going to another part of Brooklyn for this race. I only had to take one train. Well, I didn’t check the scheduled train work and there weren’t any signs at my station indicating there was going to be an issue. To make a long story short, I end up taking three trains to get to the race, thus making me 10 minutes late. It took me 1 hour and 40 minutes to get to another part of Brooklyn! So I get to the park and I’m sprinting trying to find the starting line and there just isn’t much guidance. I was told to go right so I’m running right and then all of a sudden I read 1 ½ mile. I knew that was wrong for me because I hadn’t even started. So I turn around and guys on bikes are screaming “wrong way!” I couldn’t find any of the racers and I was already like 40 minutes into the race. Prospect Park is huge. So I’m running around like a mad woman and I end up in a remote construction area where there are strange men walking around. I started to get really upset because at this point I really just wanted to finish the race. I run into these ladies and they’re like “How was the race?!” And I’m like, “I’m lost, I need to know where the finish line is.” They say, “Well, we’re pretty sure it’s not here.” NO REALLY?! So they point me to the direction of 15th street and I finally found the finish line. I was the very last person to cross the finish line. In fact, they took down the “Finish” blow up right after I crossed. I don’t even know how much I ran but it feels like it was more than three miles. I was running off and on for more than an hour. I am in so much pain. I was so close to leaving in tears and just saying fuck it but I was determined to at least finish. I’m proud that I kept going even though everything was going wrong. Good lord, I am so pooped.

Tomorrow I will go on a bike ride with the family and relax. I also need to get ready for my Miami trip. Oh and I lost two pounds this week. Woo Hoo!

Day 209

So I am glad this week is over. I feel bothered by my eating this week but I’m excited to start new. Tomorrow I’m running another 5k and I know this is just what I need to jump start my focus. I’m going to cheat and go to WW after, so hopefully I will have a small loss that will give me some mental momentum. However, if I have another gain, or I stay the same, I will not let it discourage me. This is probably the worst I’ve been in a long time. I don’t like this feeling. There is obviously something deeper and I know what it is but I need to have faith and stay grateful.

Tomorrow I will try as hard as I can to run the race in less than 30 minutes. I will also track what I eat and be positive.

Day 208

So this is just embarrassing but I am negative 35 points for the week. The one thing I’m proud of is that I’ve been tracking everything. It hurts to track when you overeat because writing it down, and seeing the long stupid list, is just annoying. There are a few things I did right today. I wanted pizza but instead I came home and had pasta. It wasn’t much better but at least I didn’t eat out. I also wanted a candy bar but instead I bought a banana. I will keep tracking and trying until I get my fire back. Tomorrow I absolutely can’t eat junky because I have a race on Saturday. I will probably go over my points but it will be with healthy carbs. I need to give up diet coke. Every time I start drinking diet coke, I eat too much.

Day 207

I feel like a pig tonight. I’m sorry I said I wasn’t going to say mean things about myself but I can’t help it. I have an uncontrollable sweet tooth and I just can’t control my cravings. To make matters worse, Ellison had to work a little late so I missed body conditioning. I could’ve gone for a run but instead I stuffed my face. I wish sometimes I wasn’t a slave to my routine. I need to get some new motivation because I don’t want to stay at the weight I’m at.

I don’t want to say that I’m going running tomorrow because I already don’t want to go. How about that I will commit to a walk. If I just get out of the house in the morning, then maybe I will be inspired to do more. Tomorrow I will also plan my meals better.

Day 206

You know I haven’t been doing great with my eating but I have been consistent with my exercise. I went grocery shopping today so I feel better prepared for the rest of the week. I know I will get my drive back because this is just how life works. You have your weeks and months where you are extremely motivated and consistent and then you have the times when it’s just slow moving. The goal is to never lose focus during the slow times. This behavior happens in all aspects of life. So right now I will continue to keep trying until I get my second wind and then I will be on fire again. Ms B was extremely late in her arrival and I thought she was trying to ruin my Miami trip. I’ve decided to be extra nice to her no matter how terrible she is. I love Miss B; she is quite the lady and always welcome.

Tomorrow Adjei and I have a zoo date with the best neighbors in the world; one of them happens to be Adjei’s best buddy. I also have body conditioning in the evening so it will be a busy day. I will really try to plan ahead so I don’t go over my points.

Day 205

So today was a huge success because I DID NOT WANT TO GO TO BODY CONDITIONING. I even snacked on junk one hour before I had to leave. When I plan on working out, I usually don’t eat so close to a workout, especially not cheese with a tortilla. So I actually had it in my head early that I was going to bail on myself. I was so slow moving and I asked Ellison to please convince me to go. I mean, I was even out the door and I was seconds from walking back home. I finally had to scold myself and say, “Theresa, just effin do it and don’t half ass either!” Sometimes there is absolutely no motivation and no inspiration to take care of yourself, and that’s when you just have to suck it up and do it. So I did and I did it 100%! Oh Oh! I feel so powerful when I do something I didn’t want to do. It makes me stronger and more motivated. Soooooo shaky shaky shaky and shimmy shimmy shimmy!

My eating today was again plentiful but I will do better tomorrow. I haven’t been grocery shopping so my fridge is kind of empty. I need my staples to be successful or I eat a lot. I will eat a lot of stupid stuff too. Tomorrow I will grocery shop and prepare meals for the rest of the week. I also need to go running because I have my race on Saturday.

Day 204

Oh my god, seriously, Curb Your Enthusiasm is Hilarious!!! I just had to put that out there. Today was a great day. I went shopping and I had so much fun. I didn’t have one depressing moment and it feels so good to have options. Tomorrow I will stay within my points and I will also go to body conditioning.

Day 203

I am really inspired to let you all in on my weight watchers meeting today. I gained a pound this week and I was really bummed. I haven’t lost any weight in over a month and this week I gained .8. It’s such a small number considering I’ve lost 52 pounds, but my self-hating brain is focusing on the .8. I mentioned that I was really frustrated with myself, not the program, because I know the program works but I wasn’t living out the plan. I was right back to my old habits of kind of tracking, rewarding myself with food, comforting myself with food, and doing the start again tomorrow routine. Our meeting ironically was about attitude and how huge that was with reaching our goals. My leader said something to me that just made me feel great. She said, “maybe right now you just need to tread in this water, maybe you just need to be there until you are ready to move forward.” This was pretty stinkin awesome because she’s exactly right. Every single moment, even the ones when we feel like we’re doing nothing, serve a purpose. Our attitude in times of struggle is what’s going to drive us forward or drive us backward. I also started to think about how useless negative self-talk was. It’s totally useless. It serves no purpose. So next time you want to say something mean about yourself, tell yourself that it is not helpful, nor is it true.

So today I went to Zumba and I danced like a crazy woman. I danced like an old lady who was given a second chance at life, and it was great. In fact, this 60+ and me started to do some Reggae moves together. I just decided that I was going to have a lot of fun. I love it when I can unleash the beast. I am going to focus on gratitude, gratitude, and gratitude. Because God knows I am so very blessed. I send positive loving thoughts to the mothers and fathers in Somalia trying to feed their babies.

Day 202

Whew! It is hot! I started my morning with a brisk walk with some jogging but it was so damn hot I was sweating like I was running a race. I hope the weather isn’t this hot next Saturday, because there is no way I’ll be able to run the entire race. My eating today was plentiful but healthy. I’m excited for WW tomorrow because I get my new slate and hopefully I didn’t gain. Tomorrow I will go to Zumba and I will track what I eat.

Day 201

Ugh am I ever going to stop over eating?! I’m so tired of this. I really want to call myself a bunch of mean names but I won’t. I’m even trying not to think them because it’s not good and I wouldn’t say these things to anyone I love. I love me so I have to be patient with myself and just chill. I ate 51 points today and I didn’t exercise. I’m so annoyed with myself because when I went for seconds, I looked at it, and I told myself “You’re not hungry, put it back.” I didn’t put it back and now I’m stuffed and I feel angry. I am so short fused today. Tomorrow I am going to spinning and I will eat within my points. I need to change my bad attitude. I need to pray for the children in Somalia and get out of my self-loathing head.

Day 200

I’ve been a busy bee! I just got home from a wonderful night with some old friends. We were walking around the meatpacking district looking for a bar and it was very interesting. We came upon a bar called Hogs and Heifers that we were considering. At first we thought it was a bunch of people dressing up for fun because it was like a Harley/cowboy bar; but as we got closer, we realized it was like a hardcore biker bar straight out of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. Yes, there are biker bars in NYC! So we opted for a low-key bar in the West Village. I don’t have nights like this often so it feels great to be out late in the city.

I went to body conditioning today and I worked hard. I was dripping sweat onto the floor and that’s always a good sign. I tried to run after but I only got in a half mile. I was pooped. This is random but I love Ethan Hawk. I saw him a couple of weeks ago. He was on a field trip with his kid in Union Square. He’s pretty darn cute in person. My eating was good today considering I’m PMS’ing. I didn’t drink a lot and I turned down fries. Not too shabby!!

Tomorrow I will eat within my points and I will play more than I did today with Adjei. We’re going to do a lot of running because my boo bear loves it when I chase him.