Gentle Theresa, Gentle

I’m feeling good today. I went on a run and did a couple of miles. I’m so proud that I’m actually running at all because my window for exercise is so small. I have to be back by 7:15 a.m. and sometimes I’m so tired but I get up at 6:00 to be ready to run by 6:40. I’m still surprised at myself that exercise has become a non-negotiable thing in my life. I know how easy it is for me to slip back into not exercising at all and telling myself over and over again tomorrow, until I’ve become frozen with fear and shame of quitting. I’m on day nine of my no sweet fast. It feels great to know how many days its been since I’ve had something sweet.

How amazing is music? Music is probably one of God’s greatest gifts, for real! Not much else to say except that I intend on being gentle with myself and celebrate life as much as possible. It’s a school day for me and Adjei and I will do my best to eat less points than yesterday. I will also try to do that 10 minutes of body conditioning.

10 Minute Rule

So I’m feeling much better today and extremely proud of myself for running this morning without a partner. My running partner couldn't go and my first instinct was to not go and go to my list of things to do so I can justify not running. I was so close to skipping but I pushed through and went. It felt really great to come home nice and sweaty and out of breath.

I’ve started this 10 day, 10 minute rule for myself. I decided eight days ago that I needed to lay off sweets. I’ve been really out of control for months. I was having something sweet every single day. I feel like all my exercising is just compensating for the sugar and overeating I’m doing. I decided that I would not eat any excess sugar for 10 days. I allow myself two measured teaspoons of sugar for my coffee. This has helped me cut down on my coffee because after three cups of coffee, I’m out of sugar. I’m on day nine and I’m really proud of myself. My rule is, if I really need something sweet after 10 days I’ll have it. Then I will go another 10 days without. If I don’t want anything sweet after the 10 days, I will go another 5 days without.

My 10 minute rule is, if I don’t want to exercise even if I planned to, I will only go out for 10 minutes. If I can do more, then of course I will but if I can’t, I don’t have to. This may sound complicated but it’s helping me get through some challenges lately. This morning I really didn’t want to run but I said, “Theresa you can run for 10 minutes.” I ended up running for 25.

Today I will track what I eat, clean my house and enjoy the day. I will also do 10 minutes of a video for body conditioning.

F you Perfectionism

Hi Guys! So I’ve been in a shitty mood and I know it’s because my eating is crap. It’s so hard not to beat myself up, so hard. I tell myself the same thing I would tell anyone, “you’re doing great, go easy on yourself, don’t give up,” blah blah blah. It’s just been so hard to respond to the nice part of me in a nice way. Fucking perfectionism! Fuck you! I have some shit on my chest so if cursing offends you, please forgive me and stop reading. Fuck! Why can’t I just be consistent? I’m feeling really bitter today. I actually sometimes hate that I’m obsessed with a perfect body because it means that I’m flawed in so many ways. Yesterday I didn’t feel like watching the Oscars because I really didn’t want to see the same people celebrating themselves. I know I sound bitter but I was in just one of those moods. I watched it anyway and I was blown away at how damn skinny everyone was. I wonder how long I can feel this sad, disappointed, and angry before I get tired of myself. Sometimes when I allow my feelings to stay put, they usually go away. Big squeezy hug to me for being so honest. Good for you Theresa.

So today I will treat myself like I treat my son, with patience, kindness and care. I will do the best I can. I will check in with how I’m feeling when I want to snack. I will also do something nice for myself like write myself an encouraging note.

Letting go of outcomes

Hi guys! It’s been a long time since I’ve checked in and it’s because there’s so much I have to share with you all that I get overwhelmed and I put it off until tomorrow and then tomorrow turns into days and days turn into weeks. I just have to get it in my head that a little goes a long way, even with writing. I’ve been in such a good place of gratitude and it’s amazing. I have two running partners that keep me running even when it’s freezing and I don’t want to go. I still belong to WW and I’m far from perfect but I do good at least one meal a day. I’ve been part of this new play Bi-Racial that has been so awesome. . There’s just so many blessings in my life right now. Remember when I said that I am becoming submissive to God? Well it’s working. Slowly letting go of trying to control outcomes is bringing so much peace to my life. So this is short and sweet but you’ve all been on my mind and I wanted to say Heyyyyyyy!

Tomorrow I will do some personal writing for 30 minutes, prayer and meditation. I will also do some exercise. Track what I eat. Live with sincere gratitude for having choices, love and friendship.

Stage Directions

Hi guys! Sorry I haven’t written in a bit but I’ve had a busy week and writing was the last thing I wanted to do. I’ve been running five times a week because I have three awesome running partners who are willing to meet me at 6:45 a.m. I have some exciting theatre news as well. I’m doing a staged reading so I’ve been going to rehearsal during the week and it’s great to be part of the process. I’ve missed it so much, that I think I’m way too excited about my role of reading the stage directions. Sometimes it’s hard for me because I’m on stage the whole time but I don’t get to participate in the discussion of the characters. I love dissecting a scene and I love talking about the script. I’m learning to listen and to just sit and be. It’s really tough. I’m extremely grateful to be part of it but it’s hard for me to watch the process and have so many ideas but not be able to give them. I’m not the director! Or an actor! Big sigh! This is exactly where I was on my first day at the gym. I was so frustrated because my mind was much more ahead than my body. Today, with my acting career, my mind is much more ahead than my experience. I also have some new opportunities with my business that I’m excited about. I’m just hoping something pans out. One step in front of the other.

Tomorrow is Super Bowl and it seriously feels like a holiday in this city. I’m making some healthy options for me but we will also have beer, nachos, ribs, and guacamole. I really don’t want to blow all my weekly points but I love nachos and guacamole. I’m going for a long run tomorrow morning but I really should try to plan out the meal and the points for the day.