Day 90

I haven’t tracked one bite today and I must be addicted to tracking because I feel totally out of control. I took a three-hour nap with Adjei and it was great but now my apartment is messy and I feel overwhelmed. My son doesn’t eat anything I make for him and it is so frustrating. Ellison has been working late and going to school so my gym time has been non-existent. I need a babysitter for at least two hours a day. It’s so frustrating because now that I’m not working full time, we are on such a tight budget. Ugh! I guess I will start to call different gyms around the city to see if they offer free childcare. I need a personal outlet because I am going through a major culture shock. Truth is, I'm going fucking crazy. I feel guilty about it because this is what I wanted.

Tomorrow I will go to the gym, hopefully. I will also track what I eat and do some exercises at home.

Day 89

I want a rock! Boom …I want to Rock! So nothing great happened today. I didn’t go over my points but I missed my body conditioning because E had to work late. Adjei was quite crabby today so as soon as Ellison got home I ran to the store to pick up diapers and a few groceries. I love that I live so close to the city. I especially love that I live in a very active and safe neighborhood. And I REALLY love NYC at night.

I know you all have been wondering when I was going to do a little brag fest about myself. Well, you don’t have to wait any longer. When I was walking home from the train I was feeling so grateful about my life. I started to reflect and it occurred to me that I have gotten everything I’ve really wanted. It hasn’t been in the timing that I wanted but so far, my life is what I’ve dreamed it to be. I wanted to move to NYC since I was a little girl. I remember a dream I had in high school. I was in a phone booth and I was talking to my dad and I said, “Dad, I’m in New York City!” I had a friend who went to NYU for college and I was so envious because she was moving to NY and I wanted to go so bad. I remember my dad saying that it just wasn’t my time yet. Well my time came five years later. When I moved to NY I lived in one of the worst neighborhoods in the Bronx. The neighborhood was so bad that I literally would hear the crack dealers’ bird call and gun shots right outside my window. I am really not exaggerating. I lived in the Bronx for 7 years. Now I live in one of the hippest neighborhoods in Brooklyn. I certainly don’t qualify image wise but I’m an owner in a great neighborhood. I know that one day I will get a shot at every dream I’ve set for myself. I don’t say this to boast. I say this because I believe it is possible for everyone to reach his or her goals. It can be painful but the journey and the reflection makes it so worth it.

Tomorrow I will track what I eat and finish up reading some legal paperwork for my management company.

Day 88

So I wanted to go to the gym tonight but my husband asked me to stay home. I was really annoyed by it but then I thought about it and realized I actually spend most of my free time by myself. He promised to workout with me tonight doing squats, sit ups, and push ups. Who knows, maybe this will turn into something good for both of us. I am really sore from yesterday. I didn't think it was that great of a workout but since it was something new, it must have been really effective.

Today I was like super involved mother of the year. I took Adjei to the library and then for pizza and then to a play class. I am so freakin tired. I am having a hard time adjusting to kiddy stuff. I know that sounds horrible but I can't handle being around so many kids. It's fun and necessary but so exhausting. I'm just venting because I really am having a great time.

Tomorrow Adjei and I will roam the big apple. I will track what I eat. I will also go to the gym even if Ellison comes home late. I want to test how long I can run.

Day 87

I went to body conditioning tonight and we had a sub. She wasn’t bad but she didn’t make me want to curse her out. So I was a bit disappointed. I ran home from the subway so I could get some cardio in and that’s a ½ mile. I can’t wait for it to get warm because I could have gone much longer but I needed to get home so I could put my boo bear to sleep.

I over estimated how many points I had left today and went over by 4 points. I only have 8 points left from my weekly points. I’m not upset about this because I have tracked everything. I need to eat less if I want to see a substantial loss. I want to see a 4-pound loss because I didn’t weigh in last week so this weigh in will represent two weeks.

Tomorrow I have a few activities planned for Adjei that will take us out of the house. He’s well enough now to see the world again. I will track what I eat and I won’t go over 29 points.

Day 86

Today I went to kickboxing and I was an animal. I did so awesome. I also ate really well today. I measured and I tracked bites. I went over my points but it didn’t matter because it was all controlled. I was right yesterday when I said that if I had chosen to eat that donut, it could have triggered more bad choices. It’s also true that choosing to do something good triggers more good. It’s always the battle of the mind versus the action. I was watching Dateline tonight and it was so heavy. I can’t take watching people hurt so much. I wish I could hug the pain right out of them.

Tomorrow I will do five minutes of some kind of exercise every hour. I don’t know if I can go to body conditioning because Ellison might have to work late. I will track what I eat and stay within my point range.

Grateful for:
My family. I am who I am because of them.
Compassion
Proving to myself that I am changing for real.
Exercise

Day 85

I am really tired today. Adjei had a fever of 105 and was up off and on the entire night. Ellison and I took him to the doctor today and he has an ear infection. He got antibiotics but I was told he would probably continue to have a fever for a couple of days. My poor baby just wants mama. I haven’t tracked everything I’ve had to eat today but I know I can backtrack. I bought a fresh loaf of rosemary bread from Zabars. I’ve been weighing the portions and I haven’t added butter. It’s so delicious as is with a big salad. I really wanted to go to WW today and weigh in but I couldn’t. I also wasn’t able to go to Zumba. I could’ve snuck out this afternoon while Adjei was sleeping but I’m so effin tired.

Tomorrow I will go to the gym because we all know that exercise is my leash. I will also try to bring some happiness to my house because right now it’s a mess and everyone is on edge. We are all tired and irritable.

I do have one thing I can celebrate today. We stopped by Baskin Robins so Ellison could get some ice cream. The store is also combined with Dunkin Donuts. Well, I really wanted a donut and I actually stared at them like a freak for five minutes but I didn’t get one. I just said to myself “Theresa, one bad choice triggers another and another.” I feel good about that because when I am tired and sad I always give myself permission to eat what I want. So yay for me!

Day 84

I didn’t get to exercise today. Adjei is feeling sick and when he’s not well I turn into a nervous wreck. I really can’t imagine how mothers cope with children with serious illnesses. I pray for all them right now because when my son is sick I just get so worred. Anyway, so far today I have tracked everything and I’m not within my points.

Tomorrow I will go to Zumba and I will track what I eat.

Day 83

So I keep complaining in my head lately that this is all hard. It’s hard to work out. It’s hard not to comfort myself with food. It’s hard to pass up seconds when the meal is so good. It’s hard to get motivated after a stressful day. It’s hard to adjust to my new schedule. Blah Blah Blah!! Lets get back to the reason why I am doing all of this. I want to wear pretty dresses and skinny jeans with fuck me pumps. Yes, I am crude tonight but I want to be thin and fit so much more than I want a second helping of lasagna. I need to get re-focused on what I really want and it’s not food. I want to go to the store and try on any damn thing I want. It all sounds very superficial but I don’t give a shit. I’m still young and I want to look and feel young. I have at least another 15 years of sexy in me. So that’s it and I mean it, that’s it with the over eating. I am also going to step up my exercise. I can do more than three times a week. The very minimum is now four times a week with the goal to be five times a week. Call me forked because I’m done didily done.

Tomorrow I will stay within my 29 points and I will not cheat and ignore it. I will track EVERYTHING! I will also either go running in the morning or I will go to a class in the evening.

This skinny bitch is back on track!

Day 82

I’ve been working on a budget for my family and I can’t believe how much money I’ve wasted. I went over my Amex and bank account for the last couple of months and detailed how much I was spending. Wow! I am spending way too much money on food. I remember when I was little my mom would take out 100 bucks in cash and she would load up a grocery cart with that. I mean it was a different time but she would have coupons and if we went over the 100 bucks, she was putting stuff back. I would get so embarrassed. I think that’s how I got so good with numbers because I started to count in my head while she shopped so I could prevent that embarrassment. My mom was truly a budgeting genius though. When she first brought the groceries home it was like a holiday. I think my brothers and me would eat all the good stuff that day. However, towards the end of the two weeks, because she only shopped every payday, it was hotdogs and potatoes or macaroni with tomato sauce. I hated macaroni with tomato sauce because I knew it meant we were broke. We’re so spoiled here in the US. It’s ridiculous. I throw away so much food and I have cans of food that I probably bought over a year ago. I need to simplify.

I’ve done well so far with my eating. Although I have down time, I don’t feel the urge to snack. I’m going to body conditioning tonight because I know I will feel great after. Tomorrow I need to do some work for my management company. I need to utilize the time that Adjei is sleeping and work.

Day 81

I didn’t go for my jog this morning and the weather was nice so I could have gone. There is no excuse. I am also not too happy with my eating so far this week. I’m not snacking during the day but I’m using the nighttime as my comfort binge. I need to plan dinners better or eat more during the day so I’m not so hungry. I’m also freaking out a little bit at how little I’m walking. I usually walk at least 4 miles a day just from the commute and daycare drop off. I know all that walking is what saves me most of the time. I really need some motivation because change always screws me up. I’m a little scared. I almost went to bed without blogging. Time to name some success this week because I’m feeling unmotivated:
1. Went to the gym Monday night even though I was exhausted from a stressful day.
2. Cooked two meals and entered them into my recipe builder so I knew how many points they were.
3. Still tracking.

Tomorrow I will go to body conditioning and I will track what I eat. I will also look for a mommy group so that I can find some friends Adjei can play with.

Day 80

I didn’t go for my morning jog today because it was raining but I will go tomorrow. It was a very busy day and I am really exhausted. I tried to make sure I was really productive and now I’m worn out. Adjei was also not feeling well so he cried a lot today. I did awesome with my eating and tracking. My kitchen is stocked for success. I have my favorite safe indulgence, which is almond butter with raisin Ezekiel bread. It isn’t low in points but I love it and it’s healthy so I don’t mind spending points on it.

I went to body conditioning and I swear I wanted to yell at the end of it. That workout was so hard. I was thinking the whole time how much I hated it. I’m already sore from that class. However, it was all worth it when the endorphins kicked in.

Tomorrow I will go for a morning jog and track everything I eat. I will also continue to be patient with Adjei and myself as we both transition to this new schedule.

Day 79

I went to kickboxing today and I worked really hard. After the class I went into one of the exercise studios and did more triceps exercises on my own. I took my time stretching and I got a full workout. It was great. I have to say that exercise is the key to happiness and eating right. It’s mostly a drag to get motivated to go but I find that if I don’t sit and contemplate about it too much, I usually follow through and go. I stayed within my points with two to spare. I’ve been online looking a dresses a lot lately. I have so many dresses that I can’t wait to buy. I was so close to buying this one dress but I decided not to because by the time I could fit it, I would probably be over it. I have settled on a goal weight. I want to be 129 pounds. This is lower than I initially wanted but it’s right in the middle of where I should be according to my height. It would also mean that I lost 100 pounds. Right now I weigh exactly 190 pounds. So I have 61 pounds to go. The countdown begins. I want to average 1.7 pounds a week. So that means I will be at goal on December 2, 2011. Yes, this can be done!

Tomorrow I will wake up early and go for a light jog before Ellison goes to work. This will be a very light 20-minute jog. I really want to do something active for myself before I start my day. I will also be patient with Adjei and myself as I transition to my new schedule. Then I will end the night with body conditioning. Wow, tomorrow sounds great!

Day 78

I don't really celebrate with alcohol but I do celebrate with food and lets just say that I’ve partied all weekend. I’ve had pizza, chocolate, a red velvet cupcake, and tacos. ALL trigger foods for me. I am tracking all of it but it ends tonight. I won’t feel bad about it unless I don’t work out tomorrow. So I have to go to the gym or I will probably start to feel bad about myself. Exercise is usually a pull on the leash for me. I still have not had diet coke and that was tough because everyone knows that tacos are not the same without diet coke.

I skipped Zumba this morning because I went shopping. I haven’t been shopping in months. Honestly, it’s probably been a few years. I order everything online so that I can try it on at home and then return it if it doesn’t fit. My wardrobe has consisted of the Gap because it’s free shipping and I can return it to any Gap. Plus, their clothes run big and they sell size 16 ankle. Well, I started trying on raincoats in the REGULAR section, not plus size and guess what? I not only fit into the extra large but I FIT a LARGE!!! I haven’t had options in the regular size section in years! I couldn’t believe it. I was actually having fun and modeling different coats for Ellison. Can you believe it?! I had options! I almost bought another black raincoat but instead I bought a bright coral! I want to be seen! Have you had enough exclamation points?! It was so incredibly awesome to not feel sad while trying on clothes. This is motivation enough to keep going.

Tomorrow I will either go to spinning or kickboxing. I have to go to the gym. I will clean the hell out of my house so my whole week doesn’t consist of cleaning. I will also get my kitchen ready for a successful week.

Day 77

You guys I am so tired. These last two weeks have gone by so fast. I can’t believe that I have unfinished work and there is nothing I can or have to do about it. This is the first weekend where I don’t have to think about work. I know I didn’t have to think about it before but sometimes I couldn’t help it. I was so busy today that I didn’t have time to feel sad. I’m not going to miss the work but I will miss my co-workers. Well, now it’s the change I’ve been wanting so I have to make it count. I also have to be really careful about maintaining the healthy habits I’ve created. I’m going to work extra hard at maintaining a routine and setting up a healthy household.

On a greater note, I lost 2.6 pounds this week! I’m happy but I did expect to lose more. I want to kick it up a notch because I would love to be 20 pounds lighter by July.
Tomorrow I will go to Zumba and track everything I eat.

Day 76

Well I didn’t do so well with my eating today. I ate 45 points. I still have 38 activity points for the week that I haven’t used. I love that I weigh in on Fridays because it’s a perfect start to a new week. I don’t have much to report today. Except today was a gorgeous day and I started to get excited about spending days at the library and park with Adjei. Adjei is obsessed with books. He cries for them. I need to make sure to keep nurturing this.

The only goals I have for tomorrow are to track what I eat and relax.

Day 75

Today was a good day. I had a great conversation with one of my head managers and he had a lot of nice things to say to me. For the first time, I felt really appreciated. He told me that I could use him as a reference if I ever needed one and he also said I was leaving on very good terms. They organized a nice lunch for me at Bryant Park Grill with some of my work friends and department. It was really nice. I was feeling really motivated today for the new chapter in my life. Wow, almost three months into this year. Go Theresa Go! You super awesome Fire Cracker!!

Tomorrow I will track what I eat and I will not let work stress me out. I will not dwell on the work I can’t finish and I will be in peace and harmony. Tomorrow I want to stay within in my points because I only have 10 weekly points left and I want to have some leftover before my weigh in.

Day 74

I went to spin today and it was torture. That class is damn hard. I couldn’t wait for it to end because my legs were burning. I need to start focusing more on my stomach and arms. I hate to exercise independently but I think I may need to start so I can get better results in these problem areas.

I can’t wait to weigh in on Friday because I know it’s going to be a big loss. I have stayed well within my points and I’ve worked out hard. I can also feel a difference in my body this week. I think this week I’m going to get out of the 190’s. Choo Choo! I’m on the train to Skinnyville! Oh and I haven’t shared this but I have not had a diet coke in almost two weeks. I am not going to drink it. You know, when you make a final decision about something it really becomes easier to commit to.

Tomorrow I am going out to lunch with my department for a goodbye lunch. I will make a healthy choice and track everything I eat. I will also go to body conditioning.

Day 73

This week so far has been kind of tough for me. It’s my last week of work as an accountant and I feel some anxiety. I have built a pretty good career over the past eight years and although it’s not what I want to do for a living, it’s not easy to leave a good job. Especially when there isn’t a job waiting for me that pays me more. Part of my biggest fears is being financially dependent on Ellison. Truth be told, it scares me to death. I’ve been independent my whole life. I put myself through college, I moved myself to NYC, and I’ve always worked and made my own money. From a young age my dad always told me to make my own money so if I was ever with someone that didn’t treat me right, I could leave. I’m so scared to not be financially independent. I watched my mom be very dependent on my dad and I also saw how hard it was on her when they divorced. Ugh…way too personal. I’m just struggling.

With all this being said I have not F’d up my eating or commitment to exercise. I am extremely proud of myself. Like beyond. Everyday for the last couple of weeks I’ve wanted to sabotage myself but I keep pushing through. Tonight, from before my body conditioning class, to the start of the class, and even during, I wanted to quit. I even got pissed at how hard I was working and was seconds from leaving but I didn’t leave. I pushed through. I gotta say that I’m pretty effin awesome. I am peeling the layers and it isn’t easy but I’ve never been happier.

Thank you all for reading. It means more than you know.

Tomorrow I will go to spinning and I will track what I eat.

Day 72

I’m in a really pissy mood today. My son has been really irritable this weekend and he didn’t sleep very well. I started to get scared about staying home. I thought that maybe I really wasn’t cut out for being a stay at home mom and I got really sad. I don’t want to fail Adjei.

Today I did surprisingly well with my eating and I’m really surprised because in my head I was pigging out. I even went to the corner deli with Ellison and Adjei to buy some mangos. I’m craving them like crazy. Well, they didn’t have any and Adjei had a temper tantrum in the store so I grabbed my favorite chocolate but then put it back and left the store. I came home and made a weight watchers chocolate smoothie but I didn’t like it so I threw it away.

I didn’t report my weigh in on Friday. I stayed exactly the same and I was fine with that. I didn’t eat very well but I did exercise. This week I’m doing much better and I’m going to make sure I do four workouts instead of three. I can’t wait for it to get warm because I plan on going for a 20-minute jog every morning so I can start my day with something active. I need to make sure I have a routine because that’s when I feel the most productive.

Tomorrow I will get my Frida’s waxed and I will go to body conditioning. I will also take my lunch since I prepared a huge 6-point pasta dish.

Day 71

Today has been a successful day. I woke up this morning and I didn’t feel like going to the gym but I literally ran out of the house like 5 minutes before it was going to be too late. Then I went to the front and I was obnoxiously energetic. It was awesome! I haven’t tracked all my points but I know I didn’t blow it. I’m going to track everything once I finish writing this blog. There have been several opportunities for me to splurge but I keep maintaining control. I want to eat everything in the house. I went for my facial today with one of my amazing friends and it was really nice. After our facials we went out to dinner to a Turkish restaurant and I ordered the small platter when I could have easily scarfed down the large. Then we went to my corner deli to get something sweet and although I really wanted to get my favorite chocolate bar, I got a mango instead. Yay Theresa!

Tomorrow I will go to spinning. I will also track what I eat and spend some quality time with the family.

Good Night!

Day 70

So one more week of work and I am an independent woman. I have to say that I have no doubt in my head that I’m doing the right thing. I actually feel really inspired and motivated to do what I want to do. I’m not even nervous about it. The thought of change is always heavier than the action. Once you make a change or do something you’ve wanted to do, you feel alive. Or at least I do.

My leader said something really awesome today. She said commit to what you want to be committed to. I think a lot of us know what we want to do but we don’t fully commit because we’re afraid we won’t do it. A habit that I’m committing to is positive self talk about everything, especially my insecurities. I do this pretty often but not enough.

Tomorrow I am going to Zumba and I am going to the front and center. I will also track what I eat and prepare a healthy dinner. Finally, I am pampering myself with a facial with my one my dearest friends Rolina.

Day 69

I think I need to go to sleep very soon or I’m going to start an eating rampage. I’m feeling really tired and I have the woman munchies. I weigh in tomorrow and it can go either way. I didn’t do great with my eating but I did exercise. I skipped kickboxing today because I needed a break.

I wish I had more to say but I just don’t. It’s hard to write anything when I’m this tired but a little is better than nothing. That will be my new motto.

Tomorrow I will track what I eat. I will also be very cautious with how many points I use during the day because I’m going out to dinner with friends.

Good Night

Day 68

Friends I am pooped!!! My body is so dog gone tired. I went to body conditioning tonight and it just kicked my ass. I think it also has to do with my hormones because my lady friend will be visiting soon. I’m not sure if I’m going to make it to kickboxing tomorrow. I am so soar that I may not be able to even lift my leg. Aye!

On a food note I did pretty good. This morning I was once again craving a big NY bagel with peanut butter but instead I had cheerios and a banana. I didn’t eat any meat and I only went over my points by a wee bit. At least I can say I’m tracking. I’ve also decided that I am not going to drink diet coke. It’s been three days since I’ve had one and I want to give it up for good. It’s not good for you and I believe it makes me overeat.

Tomorrow I will track what I eat and I will take my clothes to work just in case I think I can make my kickboxing class.

Quote of the Day:

Accustom yourself continually to make many acts of love, for they enkindle and melt the soul.

-Saint Teresa of Avila

Day 67

Holy Crap! I went to my first spin class today and I was dripping sweat on the floor. I made sure I got there early because I had no idea how to set up the bike. The instructor was very helpful and helped me get the bike ready. I really like Spin because everyone is so close to each other and it’s high endurance and high energy. My butt is so soar. I don’t know if it’s from today or yesterday. My arms are looking thin and it makes me so happy because that’s the area where I’m really self-conscious.

I accomplished all my goals today. I’ve tracked perfectly for two days and I’ve prepared my lunch for both days. Today I thought I had more points and I ended up going over my daily allowance. I was kind of pissed about it because I wasn’t really hungry but I thought I should eat all points since I had 4 leftover yesterday. Shit, did I mention how damn soar my rear is?

Tomorrow I will go to body conditioning and I will track what I eat.

Day 66

I went to body conditioning tonight and it was really great. I had two successes tonight. First, when I was doing the jump squats. A jump squat is when you jump off the step and squat and then jump on the step and squat. Well I touched the step every time I jumped off the step to squat. That made them much more intense. I once had the hardest time completing the set. Also, tonight was the first time that I held a plank for a full minute without dropping. This is some serious progress. It’s true that taking a break between workouts makes you stronger. It’s also true that you can’t wait until you feel like working out because I’m not sure that feeling will ever come. You have to start off doing it and hating it until it becomes a habit. Exercise is now built into my life. I am so incredibly grateful. If I ever stop exercising because I didn’t feel like it, PLEASE remind me that this is necessary to my happiness.

Tomorrow I am going to my first spin class. I hope it’s easier than it looks. I will also track what I eat and wake up early to prepare lunch.

Quote of the day

"Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, and be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human."

Anthony Robbins

Day 65

So this weekend is kind of a lost cause. I started my day off with a healthy breakfast and then I couldn’t resist the leftovers from the night before at lunch. On the road we stopped at Wendy’s and I did good. I ordered a Jr.Hamburger with a salad. The downfall was taking a piece of my mother in law’s dream chocolate cake because the cake didn’t make it home. Then we got stuck in awful traffic and I almost finished off a bag of goldfish.

I really hate blogging when I have nothing good to report. Well, the truth will set you free, right? Tomorrow I will go to my body conditioning class and I will track everything I eat truthfully. I will also wake up early so I can prepare breakfast and lunch. It’s going to be a great week.

Day 64

So today didn’t go as planned food wise but I’m having a terrific day. We are having a birthday party for my beautiful mother in law. There was so much amazing food that I just couldn’t control myself and I know I probably ate most of my weekly points. I also had a small slice of this incredible chocolate dream cake. I feel stuffed and uncomfortable but it really was worth it. I am going to pretend this day with food and points doesn’t count. I will start again tomorrow because that’s the only way I will get through the week with full motivation. I will also drink water for the rest of the night.

Tomorrow I am back to tracking and eating within my points. I won’t be able to workout until Monday but it’s my hardcore body conditioning class.

Well, the party is still happening and my son is almost asleep, so goodnight everyone!

Day 63

I lost 4 pounds this week! I am floored! I think it’s all the anxiety I was carrying. I let it all go when I gave my notice. Woo Hoo!! I also stayed committed to my workout goals for the week. I tracked all day today and I made healthy choices. I went over my points but only by a wee bit. I am going back to the principals that have made me successful.
They are:

1. Exercise at least 3 times a week but always try to do 4.
2. Eat fruit before every meal so I don’t make poor choices.
3. Prepare a few meals during the weekend so I don’t have to work so hard during the week.
4. Take the stairs every chance I get.
5. Track what I eat.
6. Blog and read my comments and fellow Follow Through blogs.
7. If I F up, try and try again.

I’m off to D.C. tomorrow and it’s going to be challenging with all the good food and wine that will be around. I’m going to have a great time but I will track what I eat and make sure I’m moving as much as possible.

Goals:
Pack a lunch and fruit for the road.
Eat purposefully and don’t tidbit.

Day 62

So I can share what my anxiety was about this week. I’ve decided to leave my job. I gave my notice today and I feel GRRRREAT about it. I was going to try to stick it out until May but the pressure and lack of accommodation was too much. I know in my heart it was the right thing to do. I am moving on to the next chapter of my life. My first focus will be spending some fun time with Adjei and getting him potty trained. Then I will get my headshots taken in May. Finally, back to the big stage and screen. I hope to give it everything I got. I’ve been watching clips of my favorite Broadway shows and I’m sitting here feeling so grateful and inspired.

I went to kick boxing today and I didn’t feel strong. My calves were burning. I think the stress and overeating from the week really wore me out. I fulfilled my workout goal this week and I couldn’t be prouder. Although I probably had like 400 points this week, I still managed to work out. Tomorrow is the start of my new week and I’m going to focus on tracking and exercising. This is the year for change and follow through. I will have many vulnerable weeks but I will never stop trying.

Tomorrow I will weigh in and start new with tracking and planning. I am already 62 days in so I have to get focused.

Inspiration:
Forward to 3:30
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtnKI3ztz9w

Day 61

So I feel so much better today. I was full of a lot of anxiety this morning and I still had my headache. I wasn’t feeling like going to the gym at lunch. I remembered what my friend April said about how I will work out during my lunch breaks because it makes me feel good. I said that to myself a few times today and I went to Zumba. After class, my anxiety was gone and my mind was clear and secure. My headache is officially gone and I am so grateful. I was starting to get scared.

I didn’t take my lunch today because I just didn’t feel like preparing anything. My eating improved but was not the best. I was craving a bagel with peanut butter this morning but instead, I had a small bowl of cereal with a banana. For lunch I had a sensible salad. For dinner I had one slice of pizza and the other half of my Ritter sport chocolate bar. When you start on a spiral road to mindless eating, the bad cravings start and can be so overwhelming. Exercise is the key to re-focus. Tomorrow I will go to kick boxing and I will end the WW week within my daily point allowance. I am committing to this.

All your comments and support help me so much! Thank you!

Goals:
Eat only 29 Points
Kickboxing
Be positive and remember that I am smart, hard working, and worthy.

Day 60

It’s unbelievable how much food and lack of control can impact your mood and focus. I feel totally off this week. This week Ellison has to go into work early, work late and he is going to school at night. So as of late I feel like a single mom. I am so grateful to have a husband who participates because it’s rough being the person taking Adjei to daycare and picking him up, getting him fed, bathed, and dressed for bed. I’m pooped! I know some people who don’t live in NYC may not understand the chore of taking your son to daycare but to give you a vision. I have a 15 minute speed walk to the train, then I climb down two flights of stairs to the subway, then transfer trains, walk up three flights of stairs to another train, then up two more flights to the street, then a five minute walk to the daycare. Usually no one helps. It's the price I pay to live in this city but I need to feel sorry for myself right now.

I hate that I am still reverting back to eating poorly when I feel overwhelmed by fear and stress. I really thought I was conquering this. I can get through this. Shit, I ordered a Pizza. This is bad guys. Tomorrow I am going to Zumba at lunch. I will track and I will prepare lunch for tomorrow.

I am Grateful for
Being a mom. I can’t believe I waited so long for my binky.
Attracting so many amazing women in my life.
My migraine slowly going away.