Tonight I was walking home and it’s about 9:00 pm and before I walked out of the subway I started to get into my head about crap I can’t even remember now. I know it wasn’t good because I reminded myself to think about what was happening right now. I walked out of the station and I just started to take in the life around me. So I’m walking down Graham Avenue and the block is so alive. People are outside having dinner. Old men are sitting outside on benches deep in conversation. Young hip people are walking looking cool, probably going out. The sky was still blue. I smelled pizza, trash, and coffee.
I’m walking down the street and I feel this tremendous feeling of gratitude. I said to myself, “holy shit Theresa, you live in New York City.” I still get surprised sometimes when I realize that I’m living a childhood dream. Then I started to reflect on the journey I’ve had so far in life and how about 99.8% I did not plan. Then I had another thought that wow, God is so amazing and he is so amazing because he is so alive in the unknown. I believe that the unknown is proof of God. Everything I never planned is just so much bigger than I could’ve ever imagined for myself; some has been amazing, some has been painful but I’m living. So I guess this is all a reminder to me from God that if I start to fear the unknown or become doubtful, I can remember that it’s not my job to figure out the unknown because I’m not God and he always has my back.
