In Commitment

So today was really rough.  I woke up extremely tired but I prepared my body for my long run anyway.  My mind was not into the run at all.  I wanted to run 7-8 miles but I ran 5.25.  I reached the Williamsburg Bridge and did pretty good going over but on the way back I wanted to quit so bad.  I really wanted to walk home.  Then more self defeating thoughts came up.  I told myself I didn’t want to run anymore. I felt bored with running. It’s not fun anymore.  The new motivation for the half marathon was over. I’m just not in love with this goal anymore.   So I’m running up the hill from Manhattan and I just want to keep passing people.  Then there’s another hill and I just want to get to the top so I can get some relief.  Then finally I’m running slowly down the bridge back to Brooklyn.  Then the second part of the bridge is the steepest part and by then I’m flying down the bridge.  

It felt so good to run down that last hill.  I was reminded that hills are part of life and they’re effin hard.  Sometimes we just want to quit but eventually there will be another side to that hill. So right now I’m not in love with running but I am in commitment to it.  Sometimes love changes its forms and I have to stick with it even when the passion subsides.  I know that if I continue to  push through the resistance and also give myself a break, I will get to the “in love” part again.

Morning
1  cup low-fat milk	3
1  small banana	0
1/2 cup dry Oatmeal	4
Subtotal	7
Midday
1  serving of Lasagna (my recipe)	10
1  cup grilled eggplant and zucchini	3
Subtotal	13
Evening
2 slices of stoneground bread	3
1 1/2 oz Swiss cheese	4
2  oz deli ham	2
1/2 Tbsp regular butter	1
1  cup Butternut Squash Soup	2
1  Brownie	5
Subtotal	17