I am having the hardest time shaking off this sadness. I’m trying so hard to find and live up to my purpose that I guess I forget how lonely NYC can be. It’s not until I go home to my family that I remember what it’s like to be spoiled with love. I just feel so lonely lately. Then I feel ungrateful because I have an incredible husband who is trying to make up for it. I haven’t lived in New Mexico since 2000 so you would think I would be over this homesickness by now. My fear is that I’m going to lose someone close to me and I will regret not having spent enough time with them. Wow, I feel like a nut bag for even sharing that. Well this is how I feel right now. This is why I’m sabotaging myself. I’m also afraid that it will all be for nothing because I’m a big fat coward. I’m a mess and I’m embarrassed. Then the fucking narcissist in me is fantasizing how this post is going to end up in US Magazine one day. I have problems. I’m surprised I haven’t taken pictures of myself crying.
Okay, I’ve cried with you all and now I really have to move on. Tomorrow…I WILL go running. I will NOT eat my feelings. I WILL LIVE in gratitude.
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