Day 57

My whole life I’ve always thought I was fat. I’ve just always considered myself a fat girl. I was thinking today that I’m not a fat girl. My body is not supposed to have all this extra weight. In the past, I was eating too much and I was never consistent with exercise. I’ve used food as a reward, friend, and entertainer. Now that I’ve been tracking everything that I eat, I can’t believe how much I use to overeat. Usually when I order Spanish food I get a side of plantain. The other night when I ate so much I felt sick, I didn’t even order the plantain. Hell, I didn’t even finish the meal. It’s amazing that only two months ago and 15 pounds ago I could finish all that food.

When I was a kid I remember my parents always trying to lose weight. They tried to protect me from their insecurities by nagging me about my own weight. At the time I just felt like they didn’t think I was pretty enough because I was chunky. The way I protected my pride is I would rebel by over eating. I did this in school too. If I felt out of place, I rebelled by making myself look out of place. I realize that I’ve been protecting myself by hurting myself in some ways.

The great thing is, I have it in my head that I will not give up on this goal. I have it engrained that I will succeed and I will eventually be 75 pounds lighter. So far the weekend is off to a slamming start. I had an amazing workout today because I went to the very front and I matched the instructor move for move. I also grilled some chicken breasts for the week and I made a really healthy dinner. I’ve taken control again and I will not let a pound take away from the progress I’ve seen in myself. I’m becoming a different person. I am someone who loves to exercise, who would’ve thought?