Day 22

I had a successful day today. I woke up tired because my little munchkin snuck into bed with Ellison and me and pretty much took over the entire bed. I did not want to go to Zumba at all. To make matters worse, half way to the subway I realized I forgot my metro card, so I had to run back home to get it. I was already dragging butt to get there so I was very crunched for time. The class was crowded but I did give 100%. I tracked my food today and I went over my points. When I got home I was so hungry that I snacked and ate way too much. I felt really disappointed in myself and I actually started writing about how horrible I felt. After writing it down, I felt better about it. If this is going to be for life I need to give myself a break and not feel so disappointed when I overeat. My eating is still better than it was three weeks ago.

I go through crazy emotions sometimes. There are days when I feel so motivated and so driven and confident; I know I can do anything. Then the negative thoughts sneak in: “Theresa, what if you don’t make it” or “What if you do make it and you can’t deliver” or “What if you give up?” These “what ifs” always creep up when I get closer to my goals.

I just want everyone to know that I doubt almost everything I do but I still push myself to do it. If you’re reading this and there is something inside you that keeps tapping you but the “What ifs” creep in, tell them to F off. I believe that we’re driven by Spirit and everyone has a purpose but it’s hard to follow through because it’s so damn scary.

Tomorrow I will go to kick boxing, track what I eat, and meet with a potential photographer.