Day 73

This week so far has been kind of tough for me. It’s my last week of work as an accountant and I feel some anxiety. I have built a pretty good career over the past eight years and although it’s not what I want to do for a living, it’s not easy to leave a good job. Especially when there isn’t a job waiting for me that pays me more. Part of my biggest fears is being financially dependent on Ellison. Truth be told, it scares me to death. I’ve been independent my whole life. I put myself through college, I moved myself to NYC, and I’ve always worked and made my own money. From a young age my dad always told me to make my own money so if I was ever with someone that didn’t treat me right, I could leave. I’m so scared to not be financially independent. I watched my mom be very dependent on my dad and I also saw how hard it was on her when they divorced. Ugh…way too personal. I’m just struggling.

With all this being said I have not F’d up my eating or commitment to exercise. I am extremely proud of myself. Like beyond. Everyday for the last couple of weeks I’ve wanted to sabotage myself but I keep pushing through. Tonight, from before my body conditioning class, to the start of the class, and even during, I wanted to quit. I even got pissed at how hard I was working and was seconds from leaving but I didn’t leave. I pushed through. I gotta say that I’m pretty effin awesome. I am peeling the layers and it isn’t easy but I’ve never been happier.

Thank you all for reading. It means more than you know.

Tomorrow I will go to spinning and I will track what I eat.