So lately I’ve been battling these feelings of self worth. I struggle with needing a specific contribution or accomplishment that makes me feel important or validated. Right now I’m doing good with my weight loss but it’s become boring and uneventful for me. I keep digging for why I need validation from a paycheck or from other people to feel happy. I just want to know how to be consistently free from those thoughts. I mean could a few comments that your parents made when you were young really have a lasting impact? Sometimes that scares the shit out of me because I say some really stupid things. I really don’t blame my parents for any of my issues. I take full responsibility. You know it just dawned on me as I wrote this. The reason why I battle these thoughts is because I am so self absorbed. I become internal and the selfish thoughts start to come up. The cure is making it always about giving and giving and giving back as much you can. When you do things for the pure benefit of self, then it is lonely and it isn’t satisfying. One day I’ll be as grounded as Mya Angelou.
Tomorrow I will go to WW, Zumba, and get the Frida’s waxed.
My comment on this could be it's own blog post. I know exactly what you mean. I always feel that I should be able to be extremely happy regardless of the circumstances of my life. Happiness for happiness sake, or something like that. But I am just not that enlightened yet. It's great that you know these things about yourself. Awareness is probably the first step towards changing. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI think we are a little self absorbed...I would lie if I said I wasn't. I think lately society has glorified the working mom and shunning the stay at home mom's. I think you are doing grea. The validation you will get is your precious boy telling you thank you. I am jealous and think you are amazing for having the oppurtunity to stay home. As for weight loss, how about a sport? Ever thought about indoor soccer?
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies! I'm not sure how long that opportunity will last but I will enjoy it while I can. I hate anxiety. Thank you always for your support. :)
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