Gratitude and Submission

You guys I’m feeling so incredibly grateful. Ellison is working again and I am so so grateful. I realized that the less I nag Ellison and the less I criticize him, the more confident and amazing he is. Sometimes I have really fucked up thinking. Do you know that I’ve prayed to God to help Ellison see things my way? This reminds me of the time when I was a little girl and I went to confession with my best friend. I was telling the priest all her sins. I even asked the priest if she told him about one particular sin, just to make sure. Oh I love that little girl (me). she was a doozy. I really think I know everything. I’ve even told Ellison that if he listened to me, his life would be so much easier. Yup, I admit it, I’m a know it all control freak. Well this has been such a great year so far because I’m giving up the need to be controlling and independent. I always thought that being independent meant you were strong. I grew up in household where I had to become independent at a young age and it was something I was very proud of. In fact, it served me in a lot of ways until it became more of way of me trying to control all the outcomes in my life. Well I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and writing and reading and I am in a place of complete gratitude and submission. Submission to God as I see him. It feels amazing.

I’ve also been asking for help more. Theresa Ann Sarah Parsons never asks for help. In fact, I believe this is why I have not acted in a long time. I’m afraid to ask anyone for anything. I can do it on my own even if it kills me. Well over the past few months I’ve been learning to reach out to new people and it’s amazing. I’m involved in some new things and each and every one of those things involves someone.

Lastly I am being really gentle with myself. Everyday I tell myself that I will not judge myself; whatever I do that day is enough. It feels really good to give yourself that kind of patience. I love it. Oh and I love yoga and I love you all! Today I went running with my partner at damn 6:45. Tonight I have body conditioning. Just so you all know, I am not dong this for those jeans anymore, really! I’m doing it because I enjoy the new friends I’ve made and I LOVE the way it makes me feel.