Day 6

It’s so crazy how God will speak to you through people you never expect it from. This morning I got a call from my previous manager. He's a very smart man and there were occasions that I was frustrated by him because he's a perfectionist. I reached out to him because since I’m looking for work I wanted to use him as a reference. He called me this morning and at first I thought, hmm, maybe he’s going to offer me some part-time work. We spoke and he asked me what I was looking for and I went into a long monologue of finally saying basically anything that will allow me to work part-time. He then told me that he was about to give me my kick in the butt. He reminded me that I left the company because I really wanted to pursue other dreams. Then he told me I needed to hustle and network because my opportunities will come from the most unexpected people. He said “You need to talk to people.” We spoke for a bit and it was divine intervention from THE MOST unexpected person. I’m in a very uncertain situation right now so my immediate instinct is to run to what’s safe. So I half heartily go after safe jobs for me, and avoid jobs I really want because of fear. I can only tell myself that small, fear pushing, actions will push me to a better me and a most fulfilling job. I am growing so much and doing some personal work and it’s mind blowing. I have such a fear of rejection and relationships. It’s hilarious that I want to dedicated my life work to exactly what frightens me to death. I can’t go to my safety place of procrastination and avoidance. My goal today is to start something I’ve been procrastinating on and face something I’ve been avoiding. Thank you God!

Proud list:
Didn’t get my feelings hurt over constructive criticism.
Listened to my previous manager with an open heart.
Envisioned a very clear picture of me acting again.

Grateful list:
A partner who encourages every part of me, even cheers me on through my indecisive coping.
People. People want to give to me just as much as I want to give to them.
God. The God I know and love. The God who loves me for who am and all that I'm not.