I Surrender O Uncertainty

Hi Friends.  It feels really great to be writing.  I’ve been resistant to blogging because life is not inspirational to me lately and it’s much more fun to write when I feel great.  I’ve been having a difficult time taking care of myself and I know the reason, so that’s what I’m going to write about.  Talking about my truth can be a little embarrassing at times but it’s also liberating and I feel encouraged and free when I do so. 

So lately I haven’t been able to make healthy eating choices or exercise because life feels uncomfortable and God isn’t doing what I want him to do.  I laughed as I wrote that.  My husband is in between work and the truth is, it’s effin scary when that happens.  I want this picture of security and when the picture doesn’t look secure one month from now in my mind, I want to obsess about it and that weight gets really heavy.  Thus making it difficult to do things like go for a run, go to the gym, or make a healthy meal.  I told my friend recently that I wish I could sleep through uncertainty and then wake up and everything look like I want it to.  Well La-di-da, life doesn’t work like that and thank God for that!  

I started meditating recently using the “Centering Prayer.”  I’ll be honest I’ve only tried it once and it wasn’t easy but I sat with it and it was incredible.  My talks with God have been pretty amazing and enlightening.  I had this awareness that I’ve been praying a lot that God send Ellison a new job.  Now there’s nothing wrong about praying for my husband to get a job but I realized that I was motivated because I wanted to secure my feelings of security.  That’s human.  However, I’m putting my peace of mind in the hands of people, places and things when God is the only real security.  He is the only one who knows my will and Ellison’s will.  

So what now.  Well I’m not in control of my husbands employment but I can choose to take care of myself.  I can choose to trust what is because our Father in heaven is so wonderful.  He is my best friend and I know he’s looking out for me and my hubby.  I can also choose to go to body conditioning tonight.  I don’t have to do my best because showing up is enough.  I can choose to to say no to snacks that make me feel tired or heavy.  I can write down what I eat.  I can eat more greens today.   

Goals for today:

Blog-check!

Track what I eat

Go to body conditioning

Meditate

This song makes me feel so good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FUXeg-elgM