Run and Pray

I’m writing today because I feel like I’m slowly coming out of a fitness funk.  I was in a really bad space about my body and thought that I was really overweight again.  I had this moment where I believed I was fat. I haven’t had those thoughts in a long time.  I weighed in after Thanksgiving and I gained 3.6 pounds.  Since joining weight watchers 3 years ago, I haven’t gained that much weight.  However, I will say that when I was in Weight Watchers before the three years, I would just stop going when I got into this head space.  It’s been so hard for me to track and exercise.  Tracking is incredibly important to my self care.  I have to measure, weigh, and track because I can really fool myself into thinking I eat healthy and well proportioned.  

One reason I think I’m having a hard time is because I really want to enjoy this holiday season.  I miss my family and the way I reminisce is by making things my dad made for us.  My dad was the baker of the family.  I just want to enjoy the goodies of this holiday season and I don’t want to feel guilty about it.  Sure, some of you are thinking, “Well don’t feel guilty, just enjoy yourself, it’s Christmas.”  I wish it were that easy for me but it isn’t.  Eating a lot of sugar or eating abundantly isn’t good for me.  So I feel a loss.  I feel a bit left out.  

So on to my reflection and why today feels like I’m pushing through this funk.  Today I was able to go on my run and this run was incredible.  I read in my Self Magazine some advice given by an Iron Woman about her workouts.  She said she dedicates every mile to someone and then she calls them or emails to thank them for helping her get through the mile.  Well, this morning I took it a step further and I decided to pray for people during my run.  The first mile I prayed for one specific friend and I ran and envisioned total peace, joy and love.  I then would just say (in my mind) words that I wanted for this person like peace, love, abundance, happiness, gentleness and so on.  Well, the next mile came and I prayed for two more people who I decided to dedicate that mile to.  Finally by the third mile I was in a trance of prayer each lap for different people.  It was incredible.  

I’m so so glad I ran today and so far my eating is better.  I have so much gratitude for life and I know the root comes from the beautiful prayer time I had this morning.  Thank you Lord.  Tomorrow I will start tracking again and do some fitness.  If I find myself struggling I will dedicate a prayer to whoever comes to mind.  Thank you Lord for kissing my face with the sun today.  I felt your peace.